Craig T. Olson

And We're Off.

2012-02-27T14:23:00.000-06:00

Set under a blue spruce we planted 30 some years ago rest my grandparents and my father.

This last weekend the circle was completed with arrival of mother.

She used to laugh when we'd visit this place.

This giant blue spruce. The only one in this massive cemetery filled of oaks and elms. She'd say, "we told them years ago when we bought these lots', that we would only do it if we could plant a nice blue spruce (from the land of our summer cottage) under where our 4 plots were". And there it is, loud and proud. And in the right light of day it "is" crayola blue spruce.. Ha.

The other laugh was that my mom had her birth date on her headstone, and she would clean it off and comment about the "other" date coming someday.

Well it's all done now. The shells of four saints lay together, silent and side by side. Waiting.. waiting.. waiting for the sound of a trumpet. No more space in that cemetery for us, so those four will make that blink of an eye journey without the rest of their family past and present.

And me. well, in that old blue spruce tree, tucked up under a branch hidden from view, is an old green canvas three legged camping stool that I hid there years ago. And on occasion when i needed a dad fix I would first travel to one of our secluded favorite golf holes that we used to play. And if that didn't bring me the connections to my father I desired with him, I'd find my way to the blue spruce. Yea I'd find and take down the stool, brush it off and sit at my fathers headstone. The process always moved to pulling out two quality cigars. I cut em both, light em and then lay one at my fathers headstone to slow burn as I enjoy mine and shed a pool of tears remembering why I am who I am between puffs.

This is what remains. This is what we have. Don't lose it my friends. Find a way to go back there and "remember". Share it with your children, and your children's children. Most the great people in this world ever took the time to write down their histories or their tragedies or triumphs. They just "did" it in a one of a kind way, and went to the ground quietly.

Someone came to my mothers home going the other day. I didn't expect them to be there, couldn't understand why? She was a young mother with children, who is relatively new in the faith. She emailed me later to say " I didn't know why I felt compelled to come to your moms service. But after it was over, I was taken a back. To know that after seeing her life story of raising 5 kids and over 100 foster kids, and the stories of all the lives "changed", I realized how important, and what an impact one woman of God can make as a wife and a mother. How many lives I could impact as a young mother she said. " So there it was - another confirmation of "good fruit from her vine".

And another friend said, Craig the legacy of your mom lives on in you and your children now. For others are here today because you all are modeling what your mom lived out. Reaching out to hands that were looking for love.

Well, as I sit in a coffee shop in Riverton Wyoming waiting for a storm to roll in, I will forever remember my mom carrying me to and fro on her hip during those years I was crippled. Thru sun rain and Snow. Never a complaint, never a look of "geeze do I have to do this again". Never a rememberance of her letting you know what she needed or desired. Always, getting it done, asking how you are and what do you need, supplying a positive word and a word of advice along with some vocabulary correction.

Do they make people like that anymore? ya know other than the vocabulary corrections, she really was a lot like Jesus.

Hey momma, I hope your deeds continue to teach me and mine to my children.

Big Picture ?

2012-01-25T16:51:00.000-06:00

If you are in a good mood and feeling cheery this wonderful day, you might not want to read my thoughts today without praying or chanting or drinking. I never forget that my life is full of friends with different faiths, no faiths, extreme faiths and confused faiths. So, I try to blog with that in mind..

So lately I've been on the telephone in deep conversation about politics and life and faith and God and Guns and War and Death and Patriotism and Conspiracies and Narcissists,Pacifists,Social/Communists and Capitalist. And, and do you know what?

It always ends in a mometary sick feeling of nauseous hopelessness.

Then i take a breath, pray, remember where my hope is found, remember the purity and innocence of God in a childs eyes, as they are viewing the world unstained.... before they quickly decide they want to own it (6months tops). And then quickly the circle comes around again , and I know that like me, every child will lose that innocence, that everyone will seek their own, that every mortal will live "fallen" and form and find groups that agree with them, and their views.
In the secular it will be country clubs or gangs, political groups or anti-political groups (oxymoron-- ya think?) . And on the other end in the Sacred it will be.. More and more denominations and split denominations and, and, sectarianism and dogma. Splitting us into smaller and smaller insulated groups who find it harder and harder to find Jesus among us and across the isle.

And now we have social media to help us in the secular and sacred to figure out exactly who thinks and breathes like us, so that on our side and from our perspectives we can unite our smaller groups to become a larger more powerful, set apart, (self) righteous group. While all the while, in the background, behind it all, those global few, who plot and play to build these systems, can use our info,money and passions to sell us whatever they have pre-purchased to sell us in the first place.
Oh, like a court jester I'm laughing as I type.. Hey if i were one of the few who rule the world, and regardless of my faith, it is the unfortunate byproduct of that wealth that makes man want more and more and more, I'm sure I'd be trying to find a way to be the winner as well. Whatever it took at the cheapest price.. And i'd Hire others to do the dirty work so I could put on my white robes and give away money through my charities, while others die creating it all for me. (would anybody like a potty break yet?)

And again, here I am, and it all comes back to that sick feeling. Why...

Is it winter?, the dreary cold and grey of January? Is it the incessant news cycles, rarely saying anything redeeming to us, except that 60sec. "life" story at the end of the news.
It is the global economy, and seeing your friends, family and loved ones losing jobs, homes,marriage and faith.
Is it possibly where I'm focusing my time and attention?

What am I looking for in my search for justice? Some great solution. For God (or man) to wipe out my enemies, my political and "whatever" foes. For my political, economic and social politics to rule and reign? All to show the world "I" (and my small group) was correct; and that every time i called the rest of you names - for your views, well, I am now vindicated? Mooo Ah-haa-haa-haa-haaaaaaa.

If only they could see the truth "i say".( Ok, well me and MY friends say that... But the rest of the world, they are to ignorant or (add) rightwing or leftwing or chickenwing to really get it or see our solutions as the correct ones.)

Ya know, there was something in the 60's movement "all you need is love" that was truth. Albit twisted and contorted to fit into a drug induced 5yr party. My generation - that generation, through it all , at the core, I believe, was crying out for truth. Few adults were listening or saw anything but sex drugs and rock and roll and it gave southern preachers one more reason to turn up the "fire" volume a bit higher.

Hey, we knew those two single beds with one Queen cover, were split much of the time. Ozzy and Harriet were hiding that, and no one was talking. Television created such a false reality of life and what was really happening that I think it's part of the blow back to how far we've come to the other side of the street on TV and cable.

Were Ozzy and Harriet any less messed up than Ozzy & the Osbornes.? We mostly knew our fathers worked to hard and smoked and drank to much and went to church on sunday in a suit, at an attempt to find some redemption from their wives if not their gods. We knew our mothers were living too much of life with un fulfilled dreams around an ironing board, finding soap operas as one of the few fantasy drugs of choice. Hey forget about love, truth and justice, just obey the rules was the underlying thread. And really, honestly, Eddie Haskell was probably the most real person on family sitcoms at the time. God bless Leave it to Beaver. I think The Osbornes is probably a pretty good look at what the Nelsons would have looked like 50 years later.

Imagine what the 60's would have been like if we had had the internet revolution after Sputnic instead of it dropping in the lap of Clinton and it's inventor from TN, 50 years later.
Nixon could have hacked the DNC from 1,000 miles away and would never have had to get caught lying. Where would we be now. Pretty scary eh?
Well, that's where were going, and the car might be getting 40mpg now, but it's still headed to the same end at a faster pace exponentially every day.

So can you stop it, or in the imortal words of Mr. Smith "It's Inevitable Mr. Anderson".

And what do we do in the mean time. While the world and man is crashing around you?

Because we are safe in a prosperous democracy, most never even think about this stuff.. But the time is coming when we all will have that reckoning in America, and with what's happening in the global economy i think more americans are sobering up each day to these possible realities.

As my last blog said. "My hope is found in Christ alone, and all that that entails". Yup, each of us must find that on our own. Every journey different, every moment changing how we view and accept it all.

For me, I can't live a day without His Grace, Forgiveness, Mercy, Peace and Joy. Or the knowing "in faith" that this is the beginning not the ending. Heaven and Earth will pass away but His "Word" which has always been and will always be, which was in the beginning, and through it, all things were created from it, which was made to flesh, and dwelt among us, and lived and taught us and redeemed us from ourselves. (all supernatural mumbo jumbo to anyone who doesn't study scripture, but it is "the living Word" none the less).
{sidebar} I know many people hate or don't understand all the Christian "catch words and phrases" used all the time. Sorry.. I do try hard not to quote scripture and use those words, but it can be hard truly explaining yourself without them sometimes.

A friend blogged lately of a dialog with God. He mentioned in essence, that for so many, when we pray or worship Him he hears ssodk, kdjjook ajdp c;lkjf kpldks a pl foekdj s vnkdolps lpleks because our motives in it all make our worship worthless. Well, I'm sure that without faith, much of the bible looks the same. Confusing and worthless. It sure did for me before I began a walk of faith. It was only then that those " aldk slkdj 9idjf ckkw tow". words became "I have come to give you life and life more abundantly".

Solomon, oh Solomon.. in all the sorrow and sadness of money and power and wisdom, maybe you should have asked for only 1 wife and a house on a hillside with a cantor job in the synagog. After all, ignorance is bliss if you can live with it.

I look today at my family, children, grand children and friends. My father has gone, my mother is rapidly going. They will all go away. So too will I.
None of us taking anything with us, but a ledger of decisions and choices mixed with memories in our souls. As Don Henley so properly sang "Aint no luggage racks on the hearse down the block".

News Flash..... none of us choose the best answer very often. I certainly don't. Get over it. Stop lying from high lofty places to yourself.. and others.. I'm really trying each day to lay it all down even though I fail so often.. but...
Yup. , again, that's where Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness come in to your life. Replacing the fear of laws and judgement, that are used to make you stop and think if all else fails. Mercy does triumph over judgement.

And in the end it's Private Ryan again.

Yup, over and over I'll end blogs with that. Even knowing that Christ did it all, and paid the price. There will always be that mortal part of me / of us, that "is" Private Ryan in the final scene photo above. Asking, begging, for acceptance from the one who gave his live for him.

And as for the beginning of todays "rabbit trail blog" comments on American politics and what it does to my heart (and your's most likely)..
I must vote, I support democracy. I want less Govt., (and all that means) I do love the American Experiment over all the others. I will try to respect others whom I painfully disagree with, by, not responding to things I can't change, and actually trying to listen to them when they won't listen back and hopefully the same goes for them.:)

I said in a Facebook post a few weeks ago that now with 800 million people all connected and sharing their opinions behind a glossy screen and a Mobi, that this is gonna get really ugly before Nov. elections in the USA.

So my friends of faith, strap on a helmet, seatbelt, ear buds and get your heart ready to handle the onslot of onslots coming your way. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and He will never leave nor forsake me. (repeat as needed).
And for my friends who don't believe, but love me enough to still wonder what I'm thinkin...
I love you all regardless, and hope you return the favor :)....

"Living in the privacy of God"

2012-01-23T13:58:00.003-06:00

Smiles are a precious thing to be shared. They are the outward reflection of an inward understanding.

So many types of smiles. Happy, loving, in love, scared, shocked, sad, sick, longing...

So here today is a photo of my mother and my oldest son. Taken in 2011 in my living room. I ask you, what kind of smiles are those.
I see in my son, "I love my grandma". I see in my moms eyes, "I am such a blessed woman".

It was the last time she visited our home. Now with advanced stage Alzheimer's she walks no more and lives in a facility with hospice care. Solomon had it right in his later years. Life is not fair.
Should we have to watch our loved ones live in gowns and not know where we are half the time, with people yelling and crying and hallucinating around you 24hrs a day?
Only the wealthy can take their loved ones home with enough staff to care for them in this state 24 hours a day. God bless all those capable of doing this.. it is the best way if possible.

And so we visit. For me, I dread it every time. I don't want to go see her like this. The reality of what her 24 hour cycle consists of (on the outside and in the natural) is sickening. Yet she still knows most of us, most of the time. She will think my brothers or sons are me. Ouch.. But after the first time it's just reality. Leaving is the hardest. Like leaving a helpless child in a hospital.

Your mind takes you to the the little things. My mom, Marilyn, used to be an Arthur Murray dance instructor. When you danced with her, she'd give you "about" two measures of a song, before she took over like a professional jockey and tossed you about the floor, whispering, elbows up , hand up, back straight. You didn't like her leading but you sure knew you were better by it.

And now.. I pick her up and set her in a chair. The irony.
Ironic, that is, as well, that those of you who know me, know I was in a wheel chair with "leg perthes" from 4 years old on, (told I would never walk), and my mom had to lift and carry me everywhere in the non handicapped world of the 60's. Never complained. Yup she'd grab me under an arm and put me on her hip like carrying a sack of potatoes out the door to the old Chevy with the "Everlast' wheelchair in the trunk, and then off to try to find some place to shop without any stairs to navigate. This photo was me leaving the Shriners Hospital in 1960. What a blessing that organization has been to so many who could not afford specialists, and, Shriners is still private, not a tax payer funded govt. run money pit. I'm so thankful for all the Shriners who have given so much for children and every time I lift my mom up I'm reminded of all their heavy lifting.

sidebar:
So here I am blogging about my mom today, and somehow it still has to come around to me. "squirrel"... me, me, geeze, does it always have to be about me somehow in the middle of the circle. Hey don't you love blogs where you type your thoughts and leave them lying there naked and exposed. YES. it's where people learn to be real and realize we all are so much the same with different coverings. From the most famous to the least of these.

ok i'm back now.. :)
Growing up, Marilyn used to read 3 to 5 books at a time. One at every chair, and cassettes of her favorite preachers blasting at the same time in the background from the kitchen cassette deck where the smell of old Folger's coffee was coming from. All day long. Robertson, Hagen, Felsdick, Graham, Haage, Seville, Copeland, DuPlantis, B. Brim, M. Hickey, J. Meyers and on and on. All the end times books strewn about. I guess now in retrospect that kinda explains why at any moment she would also pick up the National Enquire and quote it like it was the bible. So funny, the things that intrest people differently...

Now, today, she doesn't read anymore. Can hardly imagine her not with a book or paper in her hand. She would say to you today, "Why should I read, if I can't remember it in 5 min."

So what's my lesson here today. It's not to be sad or bitter or angry. Not to focus on the negative. That's not my purpose.

It's this..

Sitting with my wife and our youngest son the other night, Marilyn was more in the moment than usual. Getting ready for dinner she was wheeled out in the open area. We sat holding hands and she had those incredible swings of emotion from "where am I, I don't even know where I am", to, deep loving smiles and the words, "i love you so much". Ouch..

In that moment, she reached out to Janes hand, and in a far away stare as she touched Janes ring, she said, "I'm living in the privacy of God".

Take that in for a moment. Think about it and each word in context of her current life.

She then said " is that written on your ring?" we said "no mom, you just said it". She responded with a blank pondering stare, and we all sat quietly for a moment.. in the moment.

My friends, what if, in all of this, that is it.

What if we all in the end, when our minds and bodies go, enter a private world with God. A place where on the outside we are bound and shackled to the world around us, but in our very spirits we live quietly, protected in the privacy of God. Waiting for our earthly vessels to give up, give out, and let us fly home to a place or space where there are no words to describe "being one" again with our dad and creator.

Thanks mom, I need to pray more. To seek that same place you've now found. That private place with God, where all things are laid bare, where nothing matters in the flesh anymore, but listening for His voice, waiting for His hand, and longing for the day to "being one" again.

Don't know about you my friends, but I just can't imagine a day or a moment any longer in life without in faith "knowing" God's presence, peace and purpose. To experience all the fears, failures, triumphs and victories without it, is, in the words of Solomon, "meaningless".

If you are young and reading this, i'm sure much of it has little meaning yet. For those older than I, you may see folly and error in my youthful words. For everyone, I just hope you take a moment and ask the question. "Am I ready to be alone with God. To sit and to listen to what He has to say to me about my life?"

Do you think it will be questions and finger pointing or praise and adoration?
And when He speaks, will you smile with joy or fear, happiness or sadness?
Be still, ask good questions, and for god sake, don't stop listening. I think He's everywhere...

We just need to find the places where it's quiet and we can actually listen. shhhhhhhhhhh.

Red Letters of a Holy Umbrella

2012-01-02T17:54:00.001-06:00

New Year, New Hopes, New Dreams, New Promises, New Victories,

New Defeats, New Failures, New Frustrations.

Same as it ever was, but what are you gonna focus on. Where are you gonna hang your hat, What horse are you betting on. Is your glass gonna be half full or half empty. For those following Christ, did Jesus change this last year, or are you seeing Him differently.

All of us who are trying to live out a life of faith in a world where at least in the USA, faith is dumbed down to right wing politics or left wing social gospels.

We are struggling to find, to relate to and to affect the world around us as Jesus did.

Well, my friend, what kind of Umbrella are you choosing to live under today. Many around us, are leaving traditional "AND" non-traditional church. They even questioning "what really is church". Does this surprise you? Why.

It's now, Social Change, Rock Concerts, Small Groups, Home Groups, Satellite feeds, Video Replays in the coffee shop or school or theater, Back yard BBQ's, Camping trips and Random acts of kindness?

What is church, none or some of the above?

Someone said "if we are His people, following His words, then He is the church and lives in us, and we "are" the church where ever we go whatever we do, for better for worse.

So what about your spiritual covering then... Your spiritual accountability...

Especially if you are a new or young believer?

I like the above photo above. Men have created 1000's of umbrellas to park yourself under as accountability, or as a covering for your faith. To be a "king" over you to protect and watch over you. Do they look different from a distance. They eventually end up having the name or names of some men on them somewhere who honestly decided, or their people decided, that they were the Matix's "oracle" . The list is long and bloody. It involves more tragedy death and sin that anyone care to remember, all in order to claim to be "the" umbrella, and be separate from the rest of them protecting those under it. Mans or better yet, "MY" intentions may begin good in doing this myself, but are always flawed with pride and selfish ambition at the core; if you dig deep enough, or offer me enough or offend me enough... Well, I believe God knows this. I believe it's why he told Samuel "HE", was their king and they needed no other..

Have we ever really listened to God much outside of our own questions and desires.. to His....

What did he say. What did Jesus say.

Over and over again I ask myself this. What did He say, What did he do, What did He mean.

Everything else I can question at another level, but the Gospels and the Red Letter Words seem to be the best common ground in fellowship. I read and study it all, but keep coming back to "what did Jesus say and do...

So with that said, who do you believe when it comes to interpretation of even "HIS" quoted words. Do we listen to mens voices or Gods Holy Spirit speaking in our hearts as we study, pray and live it out, learning as you go.. "I" think both. But, in the end you have to trust, pray and be willing to change, as we learn through increasing knowledge and life experiences, of the great failure and victory, pain and pleasure in "life".

There are so many divergent thoughts about "who's right", who has the best "whatever" on life as a believer. Who convicts or make me feel the best. Who's in the spiritual Robb Report this year. Who plays and sings the best. Who can I follow this year.... and in the words of "Men at Work", "Who can it be now"...

Hey, i'm more and more coming to think, as in all things of life, "it's the journey not the prize, not the quantity but the quality" that we really should focus on. The eternal prize is there, and it's a promise, and I hold to it firmly, but,

We should work for work sake - not for the paycheck

We should give for the sake of giving - not for the return

We should love for love's sake - not for the selfishness in Eros or payback.

Sure sounds simple eh..

You know the world is full of different people searching for the same meaning to life as you and I. All with their 5 senses wide open as they navigate this blue marble. Jesus lived amongst them and around them every day. Who honestly accepted Jesus, and who usually rejected Him for his words and deeds. Who was He trying to reach and who's business was He about? I think He'd hang with Kiss before me. He sole my heart already.

Today when the world see's Christianity as we live and breath it, do they see Jesus, and His abundant life, His unconditional love, His complete trust in the Father?

Do they ever see this through us ? How often?

Ok, they may be looking for every thing wrong and nothing right. Yes that's true. They may fight, run and hide from truth and grace, fully understanding in their flesh what they will have to give up to follow Christ.

Oh and we may say "What you gain is way better than what you give up", but honestly they look at us, instead of Jesus, and too often say "do I really want to be like that"?

We need to throw off the chains of self-righteousness,

and expose our boots for what they are quite often covered with, as we go about trying to tend this messy garden. Put down the tools on occasion, and open our arms to those within our reach.

We must put on the whole armor of God, but never forget that it is held together by the greatest of all... "Love".

That might also mean putting down your umbrella, exposing yourself to more "problems" and letting the rain actually mess your hair and get you wet infront of everyone who you want to respect you. We might have to actually pray for understanding from You, Father, instead of expecting if from man every day, somewhere, somehow. We might have to learn to worship without a leader in front or around us.

We might actually go out every day and interact with other believers, breaking bread wherever we are going or working. Playing and worshiping and encouraging sharing and admonishing each other, one on one, two on two. wherever we are. Building each other up, supporting each other, each within their own means, as well as praying for each other and developing relationships to the point where accountability, and covering , becomes a natural outpouring of love between friends.
Gee wiz what would we call that.

Truth in Advertising..

2011-11-10T12:53:00.008-06:00

Today I begin writing in the spirit of Andy Rooney of 60min. fame. You could actually read this and hear his voice most of the time.:)

Some how this week in reading newspapers, blogs, emails, texts, Groupon coupons, church billboards, websites and the rest. Then there was all the cable new shows and the ever in your face talk radio.

Well, I'm think i'm giving up on truth in advertising. It appears that truth appears in life, to be spun into whatever the spinner is trying to accomplish, for whomever is paying their bills. Politics, being probably the best example of it today.

I think it was Groupon or one of those many services I receive each day that got to me the last few weeks.. 50% off 75% off 90% off right now! Super! Groovy! Down with it! Till you go through 4 pages of links and ads, to find out it's 50% off on up to the first $10.00 you spend, if , you spend over $100. . So really it's 5%..

Pick an ad.. any ad, for someone selling something. Trinkets, Trucks, Truth, Transparency, Toys and Time. How is each pitch spun, to convince you that it's what you really need, as opposed to "we're the same as everyone else, and this might actually kill you if you take it."

Don't know bout you, but I'm finding it more difficult every day to believe just about anything I hear or read anymore. And like I said, this political season in America, has made it almost unbearable already, to believe anyone about anything, regardless of party or preference.

Then there's religion. OMG. Yup Really God, OMG. All the slogans, new church names to hide the denomination affiliations and on and on. We're trying to get folks into buildings by just about any means possible today. Productions, Give Aways,Free Cars, Trips, Classes, Free Food, Helps Ministries, lights cameras and action, tatoo's and bowling shirts, and a million marketing ideas all in play, so long as everyone is willing to fit our mold; pun intended, or view.

We still put people in classes and ask them to join our groups because it's what were comfortable with.. It's what we've been taught, it's what we're supposed to do.
Well honestly, I'm not sure who to believe anymore, except the Red Letter Words, and what the Holy Spirit speaks to my heart when I'm in earnest prayer.
Big Book stores are full of writers telling you God meant it this way or God meant it that way or God's coming back or Gods really pissed at your ineptness or He doesn't even care about what you do, He only cares if you say "Geeeeesus" and I only care if you buy mine. Miiiiiiiineeeee.

So we look to smart people and or scholars and teachers (not in any order) to enlighten us. And we find out, in time, that it divides us more often than ever uniting us.

We pray for wisdom. Well no shhhish-kabob Sherlock. If God doesn't help us navigate through our own waste we create, we dont' have a chance at a peaceful solution in this lifetime.

Then there's Jesus. (big sigh of relief coming. You can hear the music swelling of your favorite movie theme. You have your own picture in your head of How incredible He is). Yes Jesus, The One, The Only. The Real Deal. Gosh I love that name.

The one who came and paid the price, who stands in the gap, for all who call..

How did He handle it all.
What did he think of truth in advertising.
What was His model.
How did he handle stress, sin, anger and everyone around Him lying and scheming in fear and doubt.
How can He help us without us twisting and wrecking the essence of all He lived for..
Really, How did He do it.

Well... I read it was Prayer, a lot of time alone, Very Few Words, Love, Compassion, Truth without Terror, and not caring or showing us he cared much about the things that don't really matter.

Think about all the issues Jesus never discussed because no one asked Him about it. He created the cosmos... Hello... He could have had some pretty deep conversations with smart people... ya think. We're all torked off because He didn't spell out, in red letters, in 5 locations, with old Test. verification what he thought about Homosexuality or women's rights or slaves or how much is Too Much of anything questionable. And He was such a bad finger pointer.... ;) Arms open wide was His style... and that cost Him... No more words needed here..

As I read the Gospels, I can see Him walking each day, among the/His people in the city and the countryside. Taking questions, and answering, quietly, with pathos, and, carefully. And what about all those who thought He was heresy, a liar or a nut case. How did he handle his enemies every day.
Pretty carefully --- as you read and re-read His answers and parables.

BTW, I think Jesus was a skilled carpenter.. His earthly skill set... I'm guessing Joseph taught him that skill. How often did Jesus discuss that. Did he ever lift himself up in conversation. hmmm. (never?) Never talked about himself and or his earthly skill sets? Never sang that great song "it's all about me".

Wow. How am I doin there personally? ...
I guess "F - for flesh" is what I'd get most the time.
Not kicking myself here, just being honest.
He doesn't love us more or less based upon what we admit..

So why do I fail? I'm sure you all could tell me better than I, and with more vigor, lol, but I guess I don't seek the father enough for His answers, before I'm asked the questions, where then my flesh answers first, out of pride or fear or anger or jealousy.
Walking in the Spirit is not a one prayer a morning process or a Sunday Sermon tank filler....

I actually feel bad for the humans who are created with that Gene that says "learn it all and know it all". Their brains force them down roads that create denominations and libraries of theological books that only other theologians read.. Yet I feel bad for the people who don't ever read, but just listen to others and agree with everything. These as well are dangerous people under a pied piper.

What did Jesus say? Become like lawyers, preachers, politicians, salesmen, athletes, pop stars, Futures traders ?

I think more like children who are wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Interesting combination to balance out.

Now can lawyers, preachers, politicians super star athletes, billionaires and pop stars be like Jesus?.....

It's harder... Yup. it is. We expect more from them. (ok well some of them)... And that's our fault.

We need to get over the need to making our heroes into super heroes.

And I'm talking about leaders here. Teachers, Politicians, Pastors, Artists. Athletes. Smart People:)

We need to raise some new generations to understand that the only person on the planet who will not fail them is Jesus. End of Book... Everyone else... "mortal and capable of all evil if not walking in the Spirit and producing the evidence of that fruit".

Seems to me there was a time when some people wanted a hero, a king, a leader.

Seems to me God was loudly saying "hey there" "georgie girl" .. I'm your King, I'm your Creator, I'm your all in all. You don't need a man made Idol.

But that's what they wanted, and that's what they got, and that's when we realized once again how bad we are at listening to truth when it's spoken.

So I'm gonna have another espresso now and sit quiet for a half hour and pray, and cry, and ask Jesus once again today, to help me be more like Him, the only one who was, is, and will be truth in advertising, now, and forever more.

Mature Manure and Cheeses

2011-09-13T10:55:00.002-05:00

Good Morning.

Can't honestly interpret my title this morning. It would be incriminating.

Just read a FB update from an ex-pastor who was chewed up, spit out, re-married and trying to reclaim life as a disciple - not - an oracle in the world. Well I have news for the spiritually mature.

Hard to believe for some indoctrinated Mature and overfed spiritual cattle but yup "manure happens, and it's a natural part of life" , The super natural part is dealing with it in a Christ like manner and seeing our fruit change from bitter to sweet as we become more like Cheeses. Gosh if someone is translating this blog in another language "I'm so sorry this morning for you". I've always been a sucker for metaphors.

The thing i love about new believers and followers of Jesus is that they know their stuff stinks. They are so happy to be redeemed. They know they have so much to learn, and they hunger for reading the bible and praying. Their guilt lies in the fact that they are trying to give up all the flesh habits of their walk in the world, and now slowly and surely learn to replace them with some better choices. Usually the world gets us addicted to the things that are "ok" in moderation of life and we abuse them horribly. Now a life of faith can help us either get a grip on those issues or eliminate them for our own safety. And in this process new believers naturally have all the flesh issues to deal with that manure opps, I mean mature christians love to point out over coffee. But, new believers, they LOVE and eat the Word, Love devotions (even if they don't know that word yet), and love prayer with a passion. It's so exciting to see. They don't judge others and non-believers --- daaa --- . They know what they just came from, and haven't been indoctrinated yet into learning how to become a judgemental pharisee or a "lookatmee".

And then there's the flip side. 20, 30, 40 years of "deep" teaching and american church. Those of us in that camp. (ME) Well, we've eliminated the obvious sins that the church doesn't want to see in us, and so, we "look", really clean on the outside. "lookatmee".. However we find it harder and harder to feed ourselves and be excited each morning to have devotions and pray. We look for the super teacher or writer to enlighten us, so we have something new to discuss over coffee, with our other enlightened mature believing friends, as we heartfully discuss all those in our lives who are struggling and need "our" prayer. "insert fresh pile photo here".

So today, I sit writing Lord Jesus. There are topics Lord, that make me sick of myself and to my stomach. And this is one of them. This is my morning confession and regurgitation of my own disgust of my heart at times. "judging others, bearing false witness". I recall those I've judged over obvious wrongs to me. Things i've had a right to be upset about, but things in which I've not had a right to judge or malign them or their characters about, any more than others to me. So forgive me for my Mature Manure of religious indoctrination that has ever made me think more of myself than i ought. Not only forgive me... CHANGE ME.

I said the other day over lunch with a traveler. When asked how to address sin within the fellowship of believers? What do you do they asked.? I said, quite honestly "today" i'm standing at a place where i lovingly remind them that I love them and that the Word of God says that "x" actually is sin and they are in it. Then I tell them that I love them and that i have my own "x" 's I'm trying to come to terms with every day and I need their prayers as well to be humble enough to admit it and see it so I can deal with them as well. I tell them that I will be with them, regardless of their choices, and love them as a friend. I tell them my prayer for them as well as me, is that as I draw nearer to Jesus in word, deed and prayer and supplication, and that He will transform my very soul and those ties to my flesh will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace each day.
And there it is. No judgement, No i'm better, No gotcha. Just "do you know what you're doing does not align up with Jesus basic truths in the Word for abundant life, and that I'm praying as we walk this "together " that He will make that change in you "and" I, and we will gloriously look and act more like Him in the future". Does that look like friendship, brotherhood, love and grace to you ---- or does that look like milk toast, whitewashed, watered down, greasy grace Christianity?

I guess that all depends on who your teachers were.

Matt.,Mark, Luke and John's accounts, or, Luther, Calvin, the Pope or another modern day pied Piper....with - of course - great intentions, telling you "without telling you" that they are/were the oracle. Come on now, don't read too deeply into that, or you're likely to start the "lookatmee" routine over your spiritual mortal heros you think i've maligned. No doubt they all were/are better and more spiritual than I'll ever be. Better scholars, better whatever's.. It's ok. I'm just sharing the confessions of "one" worshipper here to others.

As I leave today, remember it's "never what you say but what others heard you say" that get's repeated and "spun" in life, and causes so much confusion and division.

That's where constant prayer and asking of God's Holy Spirit to help us, and lead us each moment of each day, becomes the real "x" factor to a life of hope filled humility to humanity in search of real love.

Just because Manure Happens, doesn't mean God can't turn it for good, or that you should think "you" don't possess any for any periods of time. Think of this photo from India and be reminded of what fuels and heats their huts in places where there is no elect. or gas and no power plants either.

"Whatever is good, whatever is pure, whatever is of good report, whatever is uplifting, whatever is beautiful, whatever is lovely, whatever brings peace and a smile.. focus on these things."

Did i forget " whatever brings espresso"....

Montana Dreamin

2011-09-10T13:08:00.007-05:00

I lay in my old hot tub at Lifetime Fitness at midnight the other night with my eyes closed, dreaming I was back in the Boiling River section of the Lamar river (as seen here). I went to see a great country band "The Killer Hayseeds" last night outdoors in Osseo MN, and all I could think of was the cold Montana night air and watching a band with the mountains all around at night outdoors in Chico Hot Springs MT. Then I'm on my deck at midnight last night staring at the city version of stars, as I do most nights, but I was again dreaming of Mountain Stars. I guess I'm just Montana Dreamin... Just skip California Dreamin and bikini tans and surf boards and gimme the Grizzly prints and scat big enough to make you shat and keep a hand on your pepper spray and your bell ringing! God gave us fear for a reason. Not to be lived in or it will kill you from the inside. But, I think it's pre curser to the great reckoning or other epic events that mortals need to be aware of and think seriously about, so we don't end this life pre-maturely.

Ok, driving with a foot while drinking espresso and texting with the other hand comes to mind. Geeze that's a tough confession to recon with. But, my boys will give me "MY" look on occasion when I'm being foolish like that. I cant help I did a one man show for years that was a multi tasking nightmare, and consequently I live on that edge whenever I can, to see if I can still juggle that extra plate at 70mph. "and after I got over that brain injury".... I'm trying now to think about that a bit more these days.

Never having been lost in the wilderness or in a POW camp, I can't imagine what it must be like to re-introduce yourself to the mainland, but just after 9 days alone in a little tent in the mountains I must admit I have a quarter ounce of that feeling as I return home. My wife, my bed, my kids, my friends, my cars and home and church and restaurants and and, and I'm missing boiled water and wind storms and hard rain and freezing morning dirty wet socks, and yes, beautiful trout.
Beyond that it might be the adventure.. yes, that might really be it. However you could experience a similar feeling living in a van, under a bridge by the river, in any city. But somehow that doesn't appeal to me like it did to "the whiskey drinkin preacher" talked about in the classic Chuck Cannon song. (now, one of my all time favorites, that country singer Michael Peterson introduced me to last year).

So it's Saturday, I should be cutting grass, but I'm still drinking espresso and dreamin bout Montana...

The Hunt For Red Montana.

2011-09-08T13:52:00.165-05:00

Finishing a dance with a pretty girl on Armstrong Creek. The blue of the sky on the crystal waters. The flash and dance of the lime green moss swaying on the rocks.

Ms. Salmo Trutta

So I’m walking Main Street Bozeman Montana at Midnight.

It’s 70 degrees now and dropping quickly. Like most nights, there are traveling homeless musicians entertaining themselves by streetlight on a few cheap guitars. Singing old folk songs in an out of tune, wine filled holler. You get the feeling they are calling out to other lost souls in the night. Very tan with Dredded, tattoo'd, dirty clothes and large backpacks, sums up these 20 somethings very well. A couple of them had a cheap guitar case covered in stickers and wrapped in clothesline. It could be 1968 here tonight. But drive 5 minutes out of town and it could be 1868.

It’s been 9 days alone with a one man tent, my trusty Sage fly rods and a 20 yr old Able #1 reel. Enjoying freeze dried food, a water purifier, one pair of shoes, and a solar USB charger for my Android (which I use for photos and updating) has been quite rewarding.

No radio, cable, newspapers or media to fill my head during this trip. I will admit that having cell phone service just about everywhere I was, to be able to do updates and call before bed from a tent was an unexpected blessing I didn’t think was possible. I turned the radio in the car on but once to hear static on every channel. It was as if God was saying "Shut up and listen to my music for a while will ya please. My river at night is the best sleep mate. The high winds and critters and noises in the night do make you pause and talk to Me. And by the way,there are no paintings or photos to reproduce the sights and views i make as I dance the sun through each day, reflecting on the sames surfaces and changing their looks every day 100 times for YOU to enjoy.

Getting my Jeep Wrangler and pulling out of the BZN airport I stopped at 1AM to get a few supplies before heading down Hwy 89 through Paradise Valley, Gardner, the N. Entrance to Yellowstone and over into Slough Creek. My fishing buddy Bruce of 30 + years could not make this trip, but as I walked the artificial neon lit isles to get supplies, there it was, a picture of Bruces' old friend "Lucky" the black lab. Well, I had to get a 6 pack, and know that I would go to the mountains and toast my dear friends old best friend.

I had decided to make this trip with just one backpack for everything. So, scaling down was a big deal from the 10 man tent and 4 burner coleman stove with the mondo grill propane tank:) JetBoil had a new cook system for 16oz of water. It also had a French Press adapter. Whellll.. That sold that sucker right there and then. 1lb of large ground Dunn Bros. Espresso and I was ready for just about anything but a bear paw coming through my tent at 3AM. 30 degree nights and mornings made boiling water a real pleasure at 6AM and 10PM, before kneeling into a boy size tent for a 6'3 man.
As far as trash, I never realized how little imprint I could make by using those pouch meals for everything. No dishes, and one napkin. that's it. Put it all in the cook pouch when you're done eating, along with any daily wrappers from Cliff bars, and Voila', that's it. Well ok, the coffee grounds out of the flashboil each morning was the biggest mess, but good coffee does have a price. And honestly I've kind of grown a custom to chewing on Dunn Brother grounds after the fact. But with all that said....

It wasn’t till I ended up on day 8 in Chico Hot Springs Montana, and smelled a Pizza and Brats, as I got out of my truck, that I realized how much I love a fry pan, grill and an oven.
That feeling must be the same one a bear must smell when he's hungry and smells meat from a long distance. I'm guessing he gets as excited as I was at that moment. ok -- i got pizza, if ya really want to know. I ate 4 pieces and brought the rest back to the river for my neighbors to devour.

Since I've written this in different stages of my journey, I mention that earlier tonight on my last night in downtown Bozeman Montana I ended up at Ted Turners Rest., having a Bison Rib eye and all the accouterments. Could have had steak, but I ate Bison in memory of the buffalo listed later in this blog. Being at Ted’s for dinner was only funny because floating the Yellowstone last Thursday, we floated by Ted, Mr. Turner, Janes ex. There he was standing alone along a bank, crouched over throwing hoppers. My guide and I shared 3 or four jabs about the weather, and fishing, as we floated by. His unmistakable looks, moustache and voice made me giggle and say “ how good is Montana, where billionaires dress up in goofy clothes, climb down ravines to rivers and sweat and swear as they hunt the most beautiful girl for a chance to dance with a rainbow. And finicky she is..

Like 400 boys at a dance, you'll tie on and cut off fly after fly and drift it by her only to have her say "nope, to tall", "nope wrong color", "nope wrong family line" and on and on, till suddenly one of your handsome flys takes her fancy. (By which time you're usually doing the a.d.d. look away at a shiny object after 100 casts), and at that moment the big girl notices you looking away on your cast and thrashes your fly, flips a tail or rolls away smiling -- never --- to look at that fly again for sure. And you.. well if you are used to cursing, they will fly. For me it's self deprecation like "for cryin out loud Craig, how can you still do that after 30 years of throwing flies at trout". And honestly the answer is, that fly fishing is an amazing balance of multi tasking. There are so many things going on at one moment, that if you focus on one thing you are toast. Example. You've spotted a trout "or", where you swear one will be feeding. You have to enter the stream behind them far enough so you're not seen, or, oops. "toast again". You must be in the river or on a high bank in a way to get off a cast to the spot you want to get your drift to, to drop that fly naturally over their magical circular sight line. Anything less and "toast again". Can't lose footing in the river, or you're possibly dead, so that's kind of a big one. Back casting with trees, brush and banks makes it interesting getting your fly up to where you need it also. The blessings and cursing of up or down stream winds. argggg. And then there is the fly and leader selection. That's a library in itself..

So what I'm saying is, it's not a guy from "A River Runs Through It" beautifully shadow casting 60feet in both directions in a windless open river.. And no, that was not Brad Pitt doing that.

Well tonight I think back on what I was desiring from this adventure. As always, there are the things you planned on, the things you didn’t, and the wild cards. Entering Slough at 4AM, I slept in the jeep till a site opened up at 6AM. There on a rock next to my Jeep was a little matchbox tractor. I can only imagine a little boy was playing with it here in the wilderness days before. And like "Andy" in Toy Story, decided that it would be best to leave his friend the truck where he could have the most fun and seek the wildest things. I did look for Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head and Ken and Barbie behind the bushes having a weird party while squatting one time, but alas, only a slinky dog.

I planned on - a few days at Slough Creek up in the meadows, and it didn’t disappoint. Large native Cutthroat trout sighted, hooked, broken off and landed. These are smart fish. They learn to live under the high banks, where the only way to reach them with a fly, is to cross river and throw down from the high banks to them. That’s great until you hook one and have no way to land her. You can only try to get down the stream with them 50 yards or more, where you can safely slide down the bank into the river, get full of mud and slide into a ft. of mud, only to have them wait that long, before they break you off, and shake a tail fin at you, and SLOWLY swim away. And of course you NEVER get the largest ones you sight and hunt, and… , it’s always true, that when you turn away from your fly to sight your next cast.. . that’s when the biggest fish crush your fly, spit it out, and roll away. Come on now, doesn't this all take a worm on a hook, or a buzz bait to new levels of excitement.
You see Slough Creek and the meadows are Breathtaking views, with wild animals to close for comfort.

I've talked to many a camper, hiker ,who tell me there's no way they'd camp up in the NE section of Yellowstone. Way to much danger. This week there were the two buffalo’s in rut on the trail head that surprised me coming home at night. Coming around a big 12 ft rock on the trail, you blindly walked into a large male buffalo. Very un nerving, and I quickly turned, made no eye contact and heading into the woods to do the end around, only to come back to the trail from the other side and have a conversation with them from a distance.
I reminisced at every turn of the trail through forests and meadows, of my time there with my oldest son Jamison a year earlier; hiking and fishing to the second meadow. Laughing, sweating and complaining about the weight of our packs. Sorry son, we didn’t need it, and I didn’t take one this year. I would find myself stopping on occasion. Stopping where my son and I had stopped. I’d suck in the view, take a breath, shed a tear, and have an open conversation with him about how much I love him, and wished he were there with me at that moment.

Funny but now that I think of it, that’s very similar to the conversations I have on the golf courses today, where I played golf with my dad for years, when he walked this beautiful blue marble. Aren’t memories an incredible gift? !

Things I didn’t plan on - two very large storms coming in with hail and almost blowing me away through the night My neighbors tents at Slough were crushed and uprooted and blown down to the river with their gear in it one day. That was the night before at 4AM where I awoke to lights. I climbed out of my tent and saw the unbelievable. Half the sky was a billion stars and the other half was a ferocious storm rolling in filling the other half of the sky with lightning and thunder, turning the black sky grey for moments and flashes of terror, as it slowly and ferociously over took the incredible star curtain. I remember the family that lost the tents were a special family from N. Carolina. Mom and dad drove out and met their 20 something, tattoo’d, x-game styled son and best friend living in the west. So cool to see this conservative mom and dad there camping, doing their best to understand and relate to the large gap between generations. They sat at night at the fire discussing life every night till the wee hours. Yea mom and dad!

Then there was the group I melded into the first few days. Made up of a high end custom dentist, a radiologist, the owner of a computer software company, a teacher and a pagan. On your left is the retired dean of an east coast college climbing to the first Meadow on Day 1. We'll call him "Dean :) ".

Other than the pagan, all these guys were converted Catholics, Morman’s and non denoms., with all the same frustrations with organized religion, that I’m finding across the country. Great conversations about faith, and about different writers of today from different religions. All discussions coming down to the unspoken fact that God lives in the wilderness in profound ways. And that’s the attraction of all these men being called there like the devils tower in "Close Encounters" …. Not to find space ships, but to reconnect with original manhood. To come and be real. Have a beer and cigar over a campfire with a billion stars and Grizzlies to keep you honest. To rekindle and find and hear God’s voice in a way they can not find in the cities across the nation, where they are told and taught and presented in media to not to be real men anymore. Well, long live the hunters, explorers, conquerors and gatherers God made us to be. In the words of the great Nugent " Kill it and Grill it".

Wild Cards - Upgrading from a small SUV to a 4 door Wrangler Unlimited was one of the best wild cards. You see it's been my secret dream vehicle for over 20 years. I took a wrong turn once on a ranch this last week, ended up down in a mining pit, and realized before turning around, that I could just drop it in low range 4x4 and climb up and out. Holy Yee Haa. (insert Yoda) “Unexpected pleasure it was” . I came out of the pit into a field with a dozen deer staring at me “hey, what are you doing here”. I just drove through the brush till I came to a road… That was a nice wild card.

Then there was “Mac”. I pulled into a remote free camp sight called “Carballa’s” at mile marker 17 off of hwy 89, 50 feet from the banks of the Yellowstone. (Oh the sound of the river all night). There was this large canopy set up “no tent” with cookers and a ClickaClack drifter and a whitewater raft and a bike and a partridge in a pear.... . Wow.. I thought, I need to meet this guy. He sleeps off the ground in the open, covered in a bag and blue tarps with a tire hung from the middle of middle eastern looking party tent.

Well, Mac is one of those guys you can write book about. A self confessed alcoholic, who’s 60 and single. Prays all day long for others, sleeps every night with a bible on his heart.
He’s a Native Montanan who lost his mom at 3 and was raised by grandparents in a strict Catholic home. Mac became an entrepreneur in his early teens selling worms off of the famous Rock Creek where the Salmon Fly hatch is famous. He moved to Alaska to be a roofer, and then back to Montana to be a Fishing Guide for 8 years, and then a manufacture of Drift Boats, and a seller of Phone book advertising and.. a real estate investor and land lord of a few properties across Montana.
Mac streamed tears over the fire as he recounted losing his best friends of 17 years. His two twin golden labs died last year, and he’s needing counseling to live with the pain, instead of tequila as the main equalizer. Mac is now a friend for life. We will talk and cross paths again and again, this side or the other. He took me on a float of the Yellowstone, and let me man the oars as he fished for a while as well. What treat, learning to man the oars and “keep a good drift” amidst the currents, to allow a fisherman to throw line in a proper fashion to the good riff’s, rocks and drop offs.

There was all Mac’s girl friends. Patty Cakes and crew. Patty is a 50 something Green Queen who knew more about pollution than anyone I’ve ever met. She looked like a Swedish aunt I had growing up, with all those smooth oiled lines and wrinkles in her well lived face and an honest true smile. Don’t chew gum, don’t take vitamins, don’t use regular soap or take meds, or burn any paper with printing. Don’t fry food and for God’s sake, slow cook all food. Each of these things would bring Patty to a well thought out explanation of the live or die elements in each items molecular structure. Patty was from EauClair, and had grandparents from St. Paul MN. She would say in that great “Wis cannnnn sin” accent, “Grandma said you could never cross the river to Mpls. or you would for sure get lost.” Her best line when discussing something stupid was “ well after I woke up from that brain injury”.. Cracked me up every time. Mac and Patty and friends took me to Chico Hot Spring two nights in a row to see the best in local music.
Chico is a 40’s throw back resort in the mountains. From the western bar there is a door and windows into a large pool with black and white checker board tile filled with Mineral Springs hot water year round. Weird to be in a bar and see 50 people through a window swimming… Saturdays country band was very good with a guitar player from Minnesota. Sundays band outdoors was Ivan and the Red Elvis’s. Dressed in psudo elivs’eee outfits, this was a Russian alternative, surfing, party music experience. Wheewwww. It was interesting, seeing all the native Montanans mixed with high end campers from all over the country. So interesting to see such raw real people mixed in with the “cant get older”, over done Hollywood plastic surgery, over tanned and designer clothed millionaires. I sat thinking “God loves everyone of these people as much as me, and He wants to have fellowship everyday with everyone of them. Those are the sobering moments when you feel helpless in it all as a believer, other than to just smile and say hello to every set of eyes you contact… That guilt of “you better witness to some lost person or they’ll go to hell”, always creeps into your religious subconscious, planted by years of traveling evangelists yelling and teaching that to you with a pointed finger and with good intentions.

Yup it is our job to love and “connect” with people. But it's God’s job to call them home when their hearts reach the point where they can’t live without Him. Glooooory.

It’s so easy to get caught up into the “It’s my job to save them” mentality. That just tends to put you into the flesh based hyper “you need Jesus” mode, that has created half the problems the world has with accepting Jesus in the first place. Well.. look at the mountains and cry holy!

And then there was Sunday. I was invited to whitewater raft Yankee Jim Canyon with Mac and Patty and friends. Well I'd not had a day off since arriving, and after praying about it, I decided to just find a place to have church outdoors.
Patty suggested I go to an unmarked place call "the boiling river". She gave me directions to a small 100 yd section of the Gardner river and away I went on Sunday morning. Arriving, I made my way to the rock pools by 11AM. There were only 10 or more people. I lay there for two hours in a dream state of 60degree water one sec. and 150 degree water the next second. Incredibly intoxicating. After Lunch I lay there talking to more and more folks showing up until there were about 100 by 4PM when I left. So many families returning year after year to this little hidden hole in the mountain stream.

I booked a rod on Saturday at the famous Armstrong Ranch on Hwy 89 in Paradise Valley. It's a cattle ranch with an incredible stretch of river coming off the Yellowstone and thru their property. I arrived as the sun was coming over the paradise hills. Dogs barking, horses all around. There was a Giant White Swan in a corner pool, an otter dancing very fast in and out of the stream and a beaver slowly making his way around the pools as they did their business.

The waters at Armstrong come from two very large aqua ducts at the head of the ranch. Out of the earth are two huge holes where massive amounts of water flow to create the instant stream in the middle of nowhere that flows into the Yellowstone river. With horses around there are a lot of peacocks as well who live on the property and display the beauty of such an incredible bird. Not to mention that in fly tying Peacock hurl and feathers are one of the best feathers to tie into nymphs of all sizes.

And the fish. OMG. Lucky for me it was not a day of #24 Pale Morning Duns or Trico's or any other hatch the size of a knat that you have to try to cast to a rising fish... Today it was giant #8 hoppers and ohhh how glorious it was.

I sighted very VERY large fish across stream who were toying with me, knowing that there was no way I could wade out far enough to get a fly to them. So they would lazily roll and thrash on hoppers in my face as if to say "neener neener neener sucker...." I know that seems impossible to think but, ok, I swear that's what they are doing, and they do it to every hunter that creeps along the banks of the Armstrong. You see big trout often live by day 2 or 3 feet back under the banks of the stream where you can never see them. They only slide out if something REALLY peaks their interest, and, if they know it's real. That's why they are 24 inches long and snap leaders going down stream like butta..

Sighting them, getting into position, tying on the proper fly and presenting it "just right" as it passes over their circle of vision is an art form. And you can not make one mistake or they go silent on you. Gosh it's a fun hunt. When you get one to come up

and check out your fly, that alone is a touchdown in many streams. And in the end, getting the hook out as fast as possible and holding them in the stream long enough for them to regain their strength and swim slowly away under their own strength for another day and another fight, is remarkably satisfying.

Here a beautiful trout in the stream, under water, in my old net waiting to get a hook out and be released. the colors are so fantastic and the fight is remarkable.

There are the instant pictures that suddenly come as you move from place to place. Out of nowhere you'll come upon a herd of Elk Crossing a river, or around a bend you'll come upon a herd of Buffalo in a meadow or behind you as your fishing and didn't hear them creeping up on you... :)

So I sat typing in Ted Turners Bar downtown at closing time. The bartenders from Minnetonka Minnesota, one of the guests sitting next to me was a married family guy who’s gay, and out here with a “friend” hiking, who lives in Uptown MN. Another person tonight was a mom and dad from Cleveland who came to celebrate their daughters getting her doctorate in Edu. Science. He’s a seller of a company called “find a place for mom”. Helping people place loved ones when they have Alzheimer's and such life ending diseases. Since I’m in that place of placing my mom right now to final care for this disease, we had a heart felt conversation. He went and had dinner with his family and before leaving, took time to come back to the bar and leave me his card saying “Craig if you need anything, call me, no charge in Cleveland for advice." Nothing is by chance if you open up, smile, and say hello to a stranger! There was the young native American couple out on a date, eating dinner with a 1 month old. Then she was served her food and the baby started to cry… and… she let her food sit there as her husband ate. I got up, walked over, and offered to walk the baby around the restaurant while she ate her dinner. I totally freaked them out. She had eaten some quickly and didn't want help, but it was the idea of offering that counted, and, I loved their smiles as I walked away.

Then there’s family and friends.…

Oh the webs we weave and the story lines we draw in this crazy life, as we try to be our best. Unconditional love is so hard to give. We want it, but it’s so hard to give. The nature of man since the fall “is” sin. In a million ways. And in a million ways we learn to think we can avoid it. Jesus saw his twelve fail him over and over and yet he never gave up on them. Actually tried harder to love them and build them up, in the midst of their humanity. So we have friends and family and children and spouses and work mates that we navigate all of this with.

I think of all the things I didn’t tell my parents in my teens. How bout you. Some to protect them from feeling like a failure with me, and other reasons to keep them from stopping my behavior, while I was working through life's issues ,while finding and becoming “me”. Has anything changed since Adam and Eve? Not really, just that we have an advocate through the cross for grace and forgiveness that didn’t exist then. God knew we were incapable of being obedient to his voice in our hearts. But He didn't give up on us!

Well I notice here in Montana that most people I meet have moved here because they desire to live out their lives quieter and simpler, with more effort, for less income, but more space. Something we all can learn from.
I’m reminded of Senator Alan Simpson of Wyoming. One of my all time favorite politicians. Oh I’m sure he’s been a part of all the same crappy, dirty lobby money and stuff that IS part of the system; if you want to play in that game. But, I so have always loved his independent voice of reason and humor in it all. It wreaks of western logic. More Will Rogers than Socrates. Wreaks of “daaaa”not Huh? ", and of all that I wish people could be. Honest and straight forward with their opinions, without tearing others down. Such a hard dance to dance if you feel threatened by your opinions. So much easier to tear others down, to make your equally biased point and positions feel better to yourself... (guilty many times I'm sure)....

So in the end what was Montana and nine days alone in God’s country all about?

Well I guess it will be played out by what I say and do beyond today.

Will anything change? Will I be more honest, loving, compassionate, giving, listening? Will I spend more time listening than talking? Will I judge less and give more? Will I be thankful more, and complain less? Will I stop and be thankful for more of the little things? Will I be a better worshiper, son, friend, father, dad, mentor, husband and brother ?

Maybe...

I can only hope so, and only by His grace and my brokenness can it begin.

So thank you God for all you’ve created and the ability to go “see” it, and hang around your majesty for a week. Thank you for showing me once again I can be alone and be "ok". Thank you for speaking to me in those quiet moments alone, and reminding me that You are for me, not against me. You know my every thought and still love me passionately. You want me to succeed and live life to the fullest, with all You’ve blessed me with.

So there alone on a trail, hiking down the mountain from the 1^st meadow of Slough Creek 30min before sunset I turned a corner, and was faced with a massive Bison in my path. I did not shat myself, but that might have been possible with the surprise of a 1 ton killing machine staring at me and in the rut . There he was. Lying 10ft from me as I blindly rounded that large rock on the trail. He lay there, and i realized he was a victim of a battle he'd lost. This majestic warrior, bleeding with one eye out, and most likely dying. With his tail wagging, I took a wide birth into the woods around him and came back onto the path. I walked back up 10 paces to him and had this spoken conversation in the silence of a sunset as he looked me in the eyes. “Hi friend. You’ve lived a good life. You are an incredible specimen. I’m proud to have met you here today, as you will most likely die tonight and be consumed by the wolves and bears. Know that I’m honored to stand here and see you, as a fallen mighty warrior of the past. May you pass quickly and silently. Good bye my friend.” I said that out loud in the forest and then sadly turned and walked away down the Mountain. A I turned he had a resolve deep in his eye and in shortness of breath that said “ this will not end well on this dirt path in the mountains.” He knew that without the ability to fight and run, it would not be a pleasant ending. Like the Elk I came upon on my way to the stream one morning, nature is cruel and not sanitized.

Life is short my friends. Don’t waste it doing things that don’t make you thankful for every breath, every kiss, all your passion and every blessing. Fight hard for the things you love and believe in, and, let go of the rest of the hills not worth dying over.

You will lose, and you will fall in that pursuit. But, don’t ever lose sight, that our only hope is found in just one place…. Unconditional Love. A love given for you and I, when we didn’t even believe in, and for it. For at the great crossroads there sits a cross. Some of us pass it every day and scoff or laugh at it, out of our own histories of pain in and with religion. Others are reminded of price it paid for our ability to re-connect with God. Others view it only from the words of Sunday teachers lips and never their own. But like the buffalo on that path, without hope, it doesn’t end well. In all of nature, God screams and whispers “I did it for you”. He shouts that life is dangerous in natural disasters, and that it’s painful in natural law. But God’s Last Will and Testament - That Word that became flesh – that was, and is, in and through all. That existed before the billion starts in a Montana night. That came down to give us hope.

By that cross - that piece of wood - and that rock cave – an empty grave.

And hope for a Fathers planets children. Each one He died for. Each one is precious. Each one He pines for, and worries about. Mostly I think, he hurts for the broken and hurting who are really trying to survive themselves and “life’s shuffle”.

And this my friends, you can take through your mountains and valleys, to infinity and beyond, to Montana and back. God loves us beyond any measure of understanding that will ever be understood by man, until we stand before Him and see Him face to face. And then and only then, the words “I’m Unworthy” will truly take on new meaning.

Hope you enjoyed the journey my friends. Pass this on and re-post.

All photos , Craig T. Olson on an Android EVO in a waterproof jacket.

Little Boy Dreams

2011-09-02T12:58:00.008-05:00

Like every little boy, I dreamed of being out west. Cowboys and Indians. Alone in the dark in the Forrest. I've been out west many times. Traveling and fishing but thistrip I went alone for the first time. Somethings different. With only God
to talk to, you do a bit more of that out loud than normal, especially in the big brown bear habitat where I like to fish..

This photo was taken near my tent in the woods at Slough Creek. If you know me on Facebook, you can go back and see the GPS tracking on Google of right where this is.

Anyway. Here I was entering the wilderness and i find a little boys tractor left on a rock near my fire. All I cou

ld think of was, here was a boy, experiencing the magic of all God has left for us in this beautiful place. Like all boys, some ride in on horses, for me a Jeep Wrangler and for this boy, it was his little red truck. Left on a rock where I can only imagine he thought it might have a better life here than in his backyard somewhere..

Experiencing firsts..

The Milky Way at night runs like a ribbon from one horizon to the other at night. The tree lines all around you silhouette like a Christmas candle box and the constellations move all night in a circle around you if you take the time to lay and

watch them..

Well Monday night I awoke at 4am to lights... Not normal in the wilderness. Up out of my tent in 30 degree weather I saw something i didn't think was possible.

If you stood surrounded by mountain peaks Like a snow globe. Then starred straight up at 12o'clock, and drew a thin line across the horizon. from 12 forward to 6 there were a billion stars as bright as could be without a moon. Then... from 12 back to 6 there was complete black without stars and an incredible storm with massive lightening from horizon to horizon lighting up the mountains and black skies to grey then back to black. One side complete calm stars. The other this massive storm with thunder that shook the upper meadows. Well the storm did roll in at 5AM for 6hrs. and it was BIG.. like everything in Montana.

Slough Creek is magical place for me. It's the most remote of campsites in NE Yellowstone. Lot's of bear, wolf packs and bison. and the best and biggest Cutthroat trout.. "The only native trout we have here" I sit alone at a campfire till it's late and very cold staring at the stars, praying, crying, laughing and saying my soul cries to God in His private Garden in the Mountains. Good Wine and a Cigar's makes it even more special.

I came here years ago with my lifelong friend Bruce and we fished it one day near the hi

ghway. We encountered the infamous Mormon Cricket. A prehistoric looking monster black cricket the size of a mans thumb with a scorpion tail.. oh that's another story of near death for another blog.

Anyway I've come back and camped it with my son Jamison for a few days. Such a full-filling Dad/son experience. Now every time I pass a rock or a tree we sat and talked and stared at I'm reminded of how much I love him and I'll stop and talk to him in mind for a moment. That is the beauty of sharing things with others... The memori

es.

I've met so many interesting people alone in the woods. Shared life, food, wine, beer, stories, cigars AND in this setting somehow it always comes around to God and I'm honored to quietly listen to faith and non faith stories of people on their journey from boy and girlhood to man and womanhood. People share things with strangers in the wilderness that they don't tell their families, and what happens there stays there. It's a beautiful thing. No addresses, or emails, and when people share their innermost, they don't want anyone to know who they are. Just another person seeking to find God and make peace with Him in the best way they know how.

I'll write later about a guy named Mac. I'm with right now. 60 and single. what a storied life. Native Montanan, Done just about everything there is to do here and then some... ;)

There were the two doctors. A dentist and a radiologist. One a Mormon one a catholic and both converted to Christ and now Presbyterians. Really radical ones, I might add with salty language and a disdain for most of organized faith. The east coast man and his wife who owned a cigar company and left me with the bes

t rated cigar of last year.

There was the owner of a software company and then the man who said "Craig, I'm a pagan and that's just how I see life. I think I live more like Jesus than a lot of people however..". THAT, was a great conversation over a few days, and all I really wanted to do was listen and ask the Holy Spirit to radically move through my smile as he would talk and look at me. Oh, on and on I could go today fro

m this little espresso shop in Gardiner MT at the North Entrance to Yellowstone. I'm here cause it's just to windy to fish today.... so far:)

Then my new friend Mac, well I've got to go now and drive 20miles back to mile marker 17 to hook up and float the Yellowstone till dark. Then back to our tents to make our own dinners, start a fire, put on the best of Willie Nelson live and watch the stars dance over a hot and cold beverage around the fire. And in it all, I'm reminded everyone has little boy dreams that need re-freshing now and then somewhere, someplace, somewhere back in time..

And as I stood high above the Lamar River I could just hear..

"Better is one day in your house "Lord"than thousands elsewhere" What a house these there mountains are.. Till later... surprise me God.

Spoon Fed

2011-07-15T10:12:00.006-05:00

There comes a time in every persons life, when mom's supposed to teach you how to feed yourself. Then how to fix a meal and create meal plans that will help you grow and be sustained in life,without living at the big two. "Mac D's and B. King".

We're raising generations who've learned to use utensils, but then only where someone makes it all for us and spoon feeds us with a paper wrapper. No planning, no shopping, no pots and pans, no cooking time, no setting tables, no cleaning up or doing dishes and putting them away... VOILA'. Order it, eat it, crush the paper up in 10 sec., throw it in the trash (or out your car window) and you're off to more personal entertainment.....

Well, if that's what you've been taught is cool, then why would you want to do or learn anything different. Anything else would be un-natural and take way to much effort. Where's the remote for cryin out loud!

So, of course I was speaking of the natural diet, and now I'll take the red pill, and discuss it in the supernatural diet and the supernatural restaurant we call church.

blogging is so interesting because it's not a "position paper" or a crafted sermon or an edited article. It's a journel on continuous thought. It let's people know what's really going on in your head without all the "handlers" and editors. It's why most who read blogs dislike seeing parts of peoples books quoted and such. Gee, we can read books every day, but we cant see into the minds and lives of peoples real journey.

I remember once, years ago, having written something about someone without using names, but "someone" read it and figured it out and "schooled me" about writing that while at the same time telling me not to take it off the blog because that would break a cardinal rule of truth and honesty and transparency in blogging.

Ok back to point on "spoon feeding".

Somewhere in our walks with Jesus, we must be taught or learn on our own that we must learn to feed ourselves. Just like I wrote at the top about food, it must be with spiritual food.

Any less, and we end up on spiritual welfare. And just like many parts of the medical fields, they are very happy to keep you coming to get spoon fed, drugged, explained, cracked or pampered. Hey... you work hard, "you deserve a break today" We want to serve you, and it feels good. Just keep the dues comin and the co/pays.

Now. That's ultra cynical, and I'm going over the line here for a reason. The truth that's in that statement should make us all a bit uncomfortable. If it doesn't, and we're reading here, and explaining away or trying to justify everything your feeling against what I'm saying, then , "that" should be red flag to your own heart my dear friends.

Church has changed so much in the last 20 years due to the advent of modern worship music, the internet and the gen-x and millennial generation. Glory to God it's all good. Yup, God is in the midst of it.. The Dude Abides and the story goes on.

As for how we get fed, when we get fed and what nutritional value is there for us spiritually in what we eat or get spoon fed ...

Well Howie Mandel says "pick a briefcase". The million dollar answer is in one of those halliburton cases.

Ok, I'm diving in now.

I'd suggest this. If you've been a believer for 2,5, 10, 20, 30, 40+ years, then you should have a pretty good foundation of the Word laid as well as your own systems of cooking your own spiritual meals, feeding yourself and .... feeding others and teaching them how to cook.

So much of modern and ancient church was all about the oracle. I have the answer, the correct spin, the great inspiration, dedication, alliteration , dissemination and on and on.

For how long did the church not allow the "commoners to read the Word in a language they could read or write." How many centuries were the people not allowed to sing a new song".

These oracles did not oppress the people to hurt them. They were just subjects that needed help and understanding from those with the knowledge. It's ok, hey, we accepted slavery for how long and that was sure ok to all those men and women of God, for after all they were giving them a new life, free boat ride, gainful employment, safety, medical and potential education... There is Always some good in bad and some bad in good as we deliver it mortally.

So again back into Spoon Feeding.

I'm trying to say that we now have the internet. Yup some in ministry have not even really thought about what that means outside of emails and a website. REALLY!!!!

It is that mindset of the past that is caught there and will most likely die off or try to embrace the future 10 years after the trend is gone. Wondering why it doesn't work like it did for those who wrote the book.

I'd say learn from the past, see the current trend and act on the future. Yup you'll fail more, but you'll be in the fast water not in the DSL turtle commercial.

QUESTION: Who taught you how to feed yourself, how did they model it and what fruit did you see from it in their lives to inspire you to follow that lead.

I never had a mentor when I accepted Christ. I was a loner. Didn't get saved through an organized church or minister, therefore I didn't have anyone checking on me or teaching me and watching me.. What a shame. I had to learn the hard way. Bigger highs and Bigger lows...

Now I look at the internet. The great new pipeline of information. The amount of incredible bible teaching and expository teaching or preaching from different giftings is beyond what you could ask or imagine. 30 years ago we HAD to be in church to hear a sermon unless Billy Graham was coming to within 200miles of our home town or a traveling evangelist was passing through with their family that all look alike..

ITS OVER!!! LET IT GO!!! EMBRACE THE FUTURE.

You can subscribe to blogs and tweets and F.B. pages and websites of the past, current and future greatest handful of teachers that ever taught today from your TELEPHONE... let alone your laptop or even old school (dare I say) desktop computer....

In all the fallenness of the internet and the sin that fills it's walls, there is more good and anointed righteousness, teaching and wisdom that in the history of man.

Soon, and very soon, the church (which is the people) will realize this and church as we know it will be changed forever. What will happen with the 4 walls as we've known it. Will the global economy hurt us so much that like Europe, churches will be art museums and become places for weddings and funerals? I hope not.

15 years ago visionaries begin the satellite church movement and "video venues". Now with high speed internet moving into new territory, who knows how long that will last before it goes back to smaller and smaller venues with better and better media.

I sure hope big churches dont lie dormant but become daycares and homeless shelters and places for widows and orphans.

Traveling quite a bit through Europe over the years, I've grieved so much at what the church was and became in the hands of "old school and inner circles of the wise and privileged". Europe became house churches and charismatic small groups living more new testament than we could have ever imagined.

Is that were America is heading? Is PTL, and Crystal Cathedral just signs of things to come..?

Yup, I'm afraid so, but that doesn't depress me at all because GOD DOES NOT LIVE IN BUILDINGS AND TV SETS... Glory Hallelujah, can I geh-hit an A-mennn. He lives in you where ever you go.....

So where does this leave "do not forsake the assembling of the people and breaking bread together and , and, what happens to worship (musical worship for those who want to get heady here). Does that move to the internet as well? Do we find a way like with preaching to get what we need from the ether? Will 3'D holographic worship be so real that we all can enter in and really, really get moved and enter that secret place? I hope so. Hey I don't care about MY JOB or SKILLS. I care about how best men can connect to GOD. If that's through the internet and some new form of technology and only 200 incredible worship leaders can lead the planet in worship in ways we never imagined and the other 1million worship leaders have to go get real jobs and thank God that He's ever moving and changing. Well, same goes for the rest of the 5 fold. Get with it or go home and back into the public sector being the ministry "you are" in Christ to the world around you outside of those 4 walls.

Church will always exist as long as Christ does not return. It will just shape shift with the rest of the ever changing landscape. Its' those of us who "live" within those walls that are in for the big wake up call to downsize, change or move so God can get er done.

Well moving is easier said than done. Homes, cars, family, STUFF. They are the great idols that keep us from moving ahead and forward with God. Tragic. Yup it's me as well. I'll say me first!

I sit now pondering leaving ministry to focus my hands again in the market place where all the people i love a pray for are. And the living and breathing and eating?

Well... I hope and pray I've taught myself enough about how to feed myself that I can survive without being spoon fed each week. I love being fed mind you. Its' fantastic to find a great chef that can "bring it" to you when you're hungry.

However it's kinda funny, that in all my favorite restaurants over the years, I've never had a chef tell me I should go home and learn to cook.

(up next.. the value of worship in corporate church... ouch...)

The Dude Abides.

2011-07-14T00:50:00.004-05:00

I love the son of "Sea Hunt" . Bridges has always had a way with film for me. Kinda slow but wise and cool.

Have not read this book yet by Cathleen Falsani but cant wait to. Looks like she's reading my mail about reaching creative people.

Hey Jeff was the innovator in half of modern preachers wearing bowling shirts and I think he got the idea for wearing a bathrobe smoking jacket from Eugene Scott. Ohhh the circle is complete my friends :)

Anyway tonight on my deck it's 1AM. Sirens are blaring, dogs are barking and lives are changing.

I think often of modern church and it's purpose. We certainly have a world full of men who've studied scripture, been to seminaries and believe they have the current version of "church" down pat.

So I wonder, as a worshiper, and an artist and creator. How does it all "church" take me to the Source so I can sit, stand or pass out with fellow believers and "worship" Him till I can put the world aside and be filled with enough of His presence to shut up and be quiet and listen to Him not men..

Here's one of my difficulties. What IS the focus of corporate worship. When we all meet together to enter His gates with thanksgiving, sing psalms and praise to His name, break bread together and in seeking Him get filled with His promise to inhabit our praises.

I want the Dude to Abide!!! Silence all the program makers and announcement makers and theology shakes. Just give me Jesus " as artist Larnell Harris once sang. "and I'll never be the same again". How do we get there.

We are all creatures of habit. Whatever good or bad religion we grew up saturated with, we think of that as the "God" standard.

A predefined liturgy. An open service that's 3 hours long, a formula to make sure every department in a ministry has "face" time on Sunday, and most if it revolving around a "message" of teaching.

Well cool! Hows that working for worshipers.

I often say. If you are a new believer, you really need to crash into the Word and listen to as much teaching as possible to get foundational stuff into your brain and pray for discernment as to what is real and what is goofy opinion.

I think in modern church we teach pastors (teachers) in seminary to be "Peter". Your rise and fall as a pastor will most likely be based upon your "bringing it" every service and everything else that happens in that service is to help you "bring it" to a captivated audience.

I can't blame pastor/teachers because like priests for 100's of years, they are taught to do this.

I'm not saying I have the answer and not sure I want to even share my opinion here, but somethings wrong.

I'm my finite worshiping brain and soul this happens.

I do some kind of devotional or read a scripture or set of them. I meditate on it and begin to praise and thank God. He inhabits that and I begin to get a heart of thanksgiving and start that process of worshiping and adoring Him. Somewhere in that mix it will get quiet... and then.... suddenly... the things of this world, the outside voices , the music , the teachers all grow strangely dim and I begin to hear HIS voice. ahhhhhhhhh. Glorious. Marvelous.

In that moment my heart is laid bare and He begins to speak to my heart and spirit and in 1 second He can do more than a song or a 1,000 sermons. or updates or programmed "things".

Then I say. How can that happen in a corporate worship service...

By all the "stuff" and talking or by doing whatever is needed to get to the throne room.

Oh ohh here it comes...So what brings you there, What helps you find that spot, that place where God is doing the ah haaa's to you.

Is it in the message and the program, or in the intimacy of worship. Give me a percentage of what that looks like to you.

Then why, why do we plan corporate worship to not do what we know we should do....?

Prayer is that secret place. yup. no doubt. But for most they just don't have the capacity to spend enough time praying to get there. But, worship is prayers set to melody and it can break through where prayer can be distracted by every whim and noise and grocery list in your head.

Seminaries. that's my culprit. For all the great things they teach, they seem to teach a view of encountering God that much of the modern world is running from today.

Rather than change they condemn and cry, milk toast heresy and whatever else helps us continue down roads that are not producing intimacy with God results on Sundays around the world. Around the world people cry out for God. In America we quietly nod a head or raise one hand and say amen.

I want the Dude to abide. That's it.

If a message and announcements and updates brings that intimacy on then "forget about worship" I'll go back to playing just secular music to music lovers till Jesus returns and go to church, falling down in awe and adoration during and after sermons..

I'm just a bit confused I guess. It looks so clear to me.

In future posts I'll get into "milk fed" each week or learning to feed yourself.

ordering from a menu to get fed, or learning to hunt, fish, cook and clean in ministry.

Until then I seek the One and hear Sam Elliots voice say "The Dude Abides".

Where is Ministry?

2011-07-06T00:47:00.004-05:00

Somehow in the living of life I was told in many ways that ministry is something you are called to, and you surrender to, and find a job "in" it.

At 54 I've begun to sing a different tune. Many of my contemporaries and friends for decades live as if ministry "is" their life. They pour their every waking hours into some form of organized ministry. Children suffer, families suffer and we go to bed at night hoping we did all we could do in our ministries that day and week, and that that end self justifies our ways and means.

We model that to generations and show them that more hours means more ministry... Really? Thankfully there are new generations of Jesus lovers that have seen the ending of that movie too many times and are looking for new paths. Thank you Jesus!

I took the above photo of a boy in a village in Italy one afternoon. It reminds me that he is the picture of what I think ministry is. Here's my phrase. "Ministry is NOT your life. Your Life IS your ministry". Whomever you are, whatever gifts God has blessed you with; you sow.

That's it. Pretty simple. Wherever you are, wherever you go, there IS your ministry.

Private Ryan knelt down and listened to the last words of the man who gave his life to save Ryans life... " Make Your Life Count!" It haunts me. As Ryan stood in the end of the picture at the captains grave on Normandy, with family all around, he asked his wife and family to speak to the grave. " Tell them I was a good man. That I lived a good life" Well, that's all there is.

Can't watch it without tears streaming.

Make it count. Don't worry about where you work, worry about how you love.

Don't worry about what others do, or look like or act like. Love them, open your arms, stop pointing fingers and open your arms for Gods sake.

That IS God. Let Him point fingers while we pray for His spirit to captivate our hearts and change our darkness to light each day. I love the expression "when you point your finger there are three pointing back at you". However true, three doesn't excuse the one.

I try so hard in my humanness to pray for that ability each day. To look past the obvious to what and how I could share God's love, grace and mercy to others in my coming and going.

This last week? The girl at the coffee shop who had an incredible smile and joy to be serving coffee. I handed her a five dollar bill and told her, that her smile was such an incredible gift.

I KNOW that she was a believer and didn't want to tell her "I know you love Jesus so here's 5 bucks..." I wanted her to realize that one of her God gifts was to smile and that it affected people. I hope she thought I was a non Jesus follower so that she would be all the more blessed.

Then on a hospital visit, alone at an elevator, a frantic doctor in uniform passes me asking if I worked there. i said no. In a panic he said, my sons outside they're towing his car, they wont take C.C's or a check. I said "check with your pharmacy,they might have cash." He said I need 50 bucks, do you have 50?. I said no and he turned and ran in a panic. I yelled. I have a 100.00..

Oh my god you've saved my life. let me write you a check. give me your card. what can I do for you he said. I dropped the hundred on the table and said "i don't want your check" just go take care of your son. Oh the look in his eyes. PRICELESS!! God inspiring,!

I said, let's meet, you buy me a drink or we'll play golf or something down the road.

He rattled off the top 3 private courses in the state and said we'll play any of them as he ran off.

So , what's God gonna do in all of that one? hmmm. Maybe nothing that I'll see.

Might already be done. The bird seed of God was sown. Now we wait for the next chapter.

Today was the nurse in the hospital where I went to have my torn calf muscle looked at.

Somehow "she" got to faith and life. I told her i liked her ankle tattoo and said I was looking for the "right" one for my forearm. She said. "A Pastor.. can have a tattoo? I laughed.

The next 10min. were such a great "God" liberating conversation.

Then I went to the doctor. She had a big brown spot on one of her Iris's.

I said. Look at you. What a gift to have such a special mark on your eye. So special.

Did you ever get grief for it? Well that opened the floodgates of conversations about people being cruel and mean and how they don't understand how cool it is when God gives us something special. I told her she had a remarkable joy in her giving of herself in her practice and I saw it poured over her like living water...

She saw I was a minister on my charts, I didn't need to get heavy. I let her eat the bird food and left.

What's the next chapter.

Who do I get the blessing of throwing bird seed to tomorrow.. Can't wait.

Hope I don't get off on the wrong foot and step in some doo doo, and start feeding gravel and throwing stones to those along the road, assuming God gives me another day to breathe His air in this gift of a body he gave me to dwell in.

What's gonna be written in your pages tomorrow. Pretty exciting. You might have to slay a dragon or take a bullet or confront the devil, but through it all God will give you the opportunity to throw some bird seed. Eat the Word, Pray for Grace and fill your pockets with good food. You are the ministry... where ever you are, and i love you for that.. just the way you are.

Pass it on.

2011-03-11T10:40:00.002-06:00

Those of us who are writers and creators of music always speak about hoping our music gets passed on to others. We don't much care about the monetary part of it, we just want others blessed by what God has given us to share. We want to Pass It On. The world tells us that we should not do anything without being sure we get our "pennies" for each play. I think for decades so much good music has set in basements because artists were duped into thinking they would be wealthy if they would just hang on to their records for the right price. Thank you internet. CD Baby, youtube, facebook, google and the rest of the social medias who are giving free server space for artists songs to get into the ether where anyone can find it. One mans treasure is anothers trash. We all have and love different styles. In this all, it does mean that prob. 50% of the music uploaded is really bad.. i mean really bad, but that goes with the territory.
I love seeing each day the video posts on Facebook from friends of old classic recordings of outside artists. So enriching outside of the mainstream "pop" culture.

Well, I received a nice post from England today on our arrangement of Gaithers "Come Holy Spirit" off of youtube. While reading of course i noticed that Terry M. had an arrangement of it. Well to my surprise, it was a different song. yes, Simple, dated, 80's, bla bla bla --- but --- so very sweet!

I don't post others songs to often, but I think with the way new music is flowing in social media, it might be the best way to propagate songs - new and old - to those who may not have heard them and what a great way to introduce what you like to others AND viral market artists you believe in.
So I hope to post many more songs in the future by others that "get' me across all musical lines.
Cant wait to chart this song today and introduce it to a new group of worshipers who've prob. never heard it because it never played on our local radio....

Genetic-Links

2011-03-01T16:49:00.007-06:00

I'm driving the other day to church early Sunday morning. It's a 30min. commute into the country. Quad espresso in my right hand, no radio on, foggy country roads and silence.

I'm off this particular Sunday but wanted to go and work with my adult volunteer team, work with my volunteer audio techs and then go watch and play two worship sets with my childrens worship team made up of middleschool and highschool kids. So great to see "change" and growth in people. Then i happen to look down at my left shirt sleeve. There it was... the photo posted above. (I took it while driving. oops...) It's a vintage cuff link from 1954 in silver. My right sleeve had a gold one from the 30's. I love to mix and match!

So what about the 54. Well, I've had this cuff link since 1973 and it was my mothers fathers. Don Tuttle. What a great tenor he was. I found out after he died that he loved bull dogs and fly fishing. (both of which I love) incredible.

But he spent most his life teaching and directing after giving up performing. I only have old records and tapes of some of his stuff, and a few photos. I did get a few voice lessons, the few times I was with him, when he came to town to visit. Always felt a kind of kindred spirit. He passed when I was in 10th grade. Remember that day well.

Here's one of the few photos of him I have. Looks like the 50's to me.

Well I did get some of his genes and hair line at that time of life. lol.

So back to the cuff links. I've worn them 100's of times over the years when I entertained 6 nights a week. Then I noticed the other morning staring at that link, that i was 54 years old - wearing one of my grandfathers cuff links with 54 on it.

He was a lifetime teacher and here I was driving up on a day off to mentor and teach and oversee musicians. Kinda got to me a bit. I stared at that cuff link while driving, thanking him for the legacy of his life to me, and that I'm able in my own small way to let it live on. So in the same way i think of my children. What kind of little things will I leave them to remember me by. What connection points. What words or phrases. Will they be positive or will my personal unknown negatives help them to find the positives for themselves. Will I see my grandfather in eternity? Honestly... I have no idea. Sure hope so. I had accepted Christ the year he passed and never got to have those conversations. I know I'll see my kids for eternity, the greatest promise as a mortal parent.

I do wish I had Don's old bamboo fly rods and fishing stuff. Wish I had a photo of his old bull dog. I do have his piano and one of his ivory directing batons from the 50's. That I cherish. But the one old silver cuff link discovered in a new way on a cold foggy winter morning in my 54th year. Priceless.

Conspiracy Theory...

2011-02-25T14:37:00.006-06:00

Ok, I must admit I'm a huge fan of this movie. Actually any of the conspiracy/espionage flicks. Yet with that said, I'm not saying I believe them. I'm only saying I enjoy watching them. The coke bottle on the door handle and the locks on everything in the fridge... that was so great...
The Resurrection, Pyramids, Female Pope, Illuminati, Builderberg group, Trilateral Comission, Nasa Moon Projects, Area 51, JFK, Elvis, 911 and now Obamas birth certificate.

Any truth to any of them? How much time should a person put into even thinking about most of them?

Like the person who likes to read horoscopes or the national enquire, there are just those with minds who want to know things that most don't give a turd about.

I don't understand them personally and pray that for the most part, they find something to do with their spare time that might actually help someone.

Ok,... the birther thing i must admit I still read about. Ya, I know, it's a waste of my time. But somehow that one seems like a real possibility to me and with all that's happened in two years of attempting to socializing our nation, it would really be ironic if that one ever panned out. Like the national enquire actually getting a few of their crazy stories spot on, while everyone said, "ahhh it's just the Enquire".

A christian friend stopped by the other day to say gas will be 7 dollars this year, 911 was totally "us" : that all those people are all alive somewhere from those planes, that the African Obama birth certificate is now out there and the BP gulf spill was "us" as well.

Civics. The life of balancing ourselves and the concerns of the world around us... I guess I'm just not that good at it. I can just about complain about everything in local city, state and fed. politics and govt. Yet what do I do about it personally? Vote, go to caucus, support local servants, offer up to be a convention goer.. That's it. Oh yea.. Giving some money always makes you feel better as well when you don't put your hand to the plow..
Kind of like paying taxes and accepting the socialization of the country. Let's just let the Govt. take care of everyone, then I won't have to be responsible for anything or anyone except to pay my taxes. Sound like church..?

I'll serve or give of my time if I have to, or if they push me. Otherwise I'm happy to see what they're giving me for my "blessing them with my coming" and some membership dues called offerings. Could be I go cause my wife threatens me with the couch if I don't or because my kids need some type of moral structure that I got from religion when I was young.
Like church is some kind of moral road sign/speed limit with different rules for each highway or denomination. Ya we know those speed limit signs don't really slow us down if we are non conformers. We want to do the right thing because we know it's the right thing, not because someone tells you.

Those with conspiracy brains think the church is a big conspiracy as well. Hmmm, could it be? Organized religion a big social experiment to curb crime and foster more humanity? Let's let it grow, it can't hurt us. It divides people and keeps the Govt. in control.

So what does any of this have to do with "today"...

I don't know, 'm just numb somedays with what's going on. I just watched another program on the WI Unions and was re-awakened to that real possibility that the world really doesn't care about anyone but themselves. Don't take my benefits, fire as many 1,000's as you want cause I have seniority. Don't leave me cause my life will be harder. Dont' take away my benefits cause I'll have to somehow scale down to replace them. I don't care if it's "our" tax dollars that pays me my salary or 1,2,3,4 years of unemployment if I get laid off. I deserve everything i get -- and more... Let someone else pay. It's someone elses fault. It's the trilateral commission and Illuminati and Builderberg groups fault. Yea that's it they've done it all. I'm not responsible for anything. Oh yea it's also McDonalds and BurgerKings fault that we and our kids are getting fat and getting onset diabetes. They are funded secretly by the Fed. Reserve. And sin... satans fault.. As Flip Wilson said 40 years ago" the devil made me do it"....

Gods Children / Finding Identity

2011-02-01T21:55:00.011-06:00

Well, this is my toughest blog to date. Since this process is about continuing a thread of writing and not editing it, I sit here a bit confused as to how to be totally honest and not make everyone a bit upset with me.

The photo of Loren here on the left is an artist and photographer and need I say fitness freak. I just watched a two hour special that had him in it. So what, you say. Why have a nude photo of a man on your blog? Nice tattoos and low body fat? Well Loren was women and went through transgender surgery and well over a decade of hormone treatments to become as he would say "on the outside, who I always was on the inside". Transgender is not gay,lesbian he would say. Well I sat for two hours watching this show and finding myself in tears over these stories.
So how does this fit into our neat little box we call Evangelical Christianity.

When I began in Ministry in the early 70's, I met a man at a church who was really hurting. I took him to coffee. As time went by and he trusted me enough to share his story with me, I found out Ken was a professional clown around the world. A professional juggler as well. For a few years I walked a very sad journey with my friend as he attempted to find a way to find peace and happiness in a gay lifestyle that had pretty much killed him. Multiple suicide attempts, piano wire attempts at castration from the shame of his actions mixed with drugs and alcohol to numb his pain. I never doubted his love of Christ. His desire to be more like Jesus each day and to walk in a lifestyle "choice" that "would" bring him a life of happiness he was wanting. His prayers, in humility, were at times more honest and deeper than many of my contemporaries and yes, even me. Like any addict, he just couldn't find a way to stay off and away from his version of "crack cocaine" - men. Delivered of dozens of demons, multiple times over the years he was tormented in and out. I never really new why or where the root was. I never got the answer as his friend. I do know that I loved him, stood by him, and for those short few years in his life he knew another Christian who wanted to be like Jesus accepted him for who he wanted to be.
Well, there's part of the rub. He had accepted the fact that the Word, our guide and guidepost, had spelled out things, that although he didn't understand them in the flesh, he knew them to be right in the spirit. And so, like you and I, when we sin, and we're aware of it, we ask for forgiveness and help in changing the things that bring us to those bad choices. Some are surface, some are deep to our very cores...
Those gay in my life over the years who love Jesus and mostly live in pain and suffering, I have always had a burden for. (not feeling sorry for, but compassion for their lives). I always say. Hey, I'm heterosexual, I love girls, I love my wife. My father God created me with a passion for passion. Thank You God!!!! However that doesn't mean that once I decide to follow Christ that I get to sleep with whomever I want to because I feel it, or because I was created with those feelings... King David and King Solomon pretty much lived that lifestyle and you can read their life stories and say "how'd that work in the long run for you guys"..

For me, (my opinion) If you are gay/lesbian in your feelings, and, you decide you want to find peace and happiness in a Christian life of following Jesus, then, like the rest of us, we have to look to the Word and see what it says in it's entirety about our lifestyles and what we can and cant or should or shouldn't do. If you are in a lifestyle of multiple partners and gay or straight, and you want to find peace in Faith in Christ, then you have to knock it off. Yes I'll admit that I as straight, get to find one person (hopefully) that I can live with and have great sexual passion with. And on the other hand, a gay person will not be able to do that according to the Word. But I didn't make the hands or the rules. And if we want all that God has to offer, we have to admit sin (everywhere) and start make the changes to stop it - not - justify it.

This blog was not to really discuss Gay/Lesbian issues but more the transgender one.
So anyway, if I'm offending anyone, it's not my intention and after all it's just my opinion and I have to live with the consequences of it all. So in reality at this point in my life, my position is that if you tell me you are gay and it's ok for you, and you are happy living that lifestyle then I'm just your friend. But if you tell me you are a Christian and live for Christ, or desire to, then I have to say, I still love you " like my friend Ken", but I have to be honest about your faith and how it lines up with the Word. I'd expect the same from them if I were living a bad choice and making changes but justifying it.
We'll really... I think we all fall short, but, that doesn't excuse our sin for a moment.
Back on transgender.

If truly God creates us in our mothers womb, then He must see what the combination of egg/sperm and those two peoples genetics are going to bring to the mix in a baby. All the basic height, weight, hair, looks, skin, eye color. And then yes, genetic defects and diseases and weakness for diseases. After all if He gives us choice, and we get together and hook up, then the laws of nature do come into affect. Ahhh the laws of nature. Boy, I'll really want to listen to those being explained someday when I get to sit in on that class in eternity. (That's assuming I'll have any metal capability to understand it. lol) All the unexplained human tragedy we want God to eliminate and explain...

Then there's gender..
So how does it all work for them. The transgendered. Are they not the same children God put life into? Does he not love Loren in the picture above as much as me. Will God as a father not be calling the Lorens and Craigs back into His presence every day till we die? Does not a Fathers or a Mothers love surpass the logical? The human? The judgment we all want on each other when we don't live up to our personal Life Groups standards?

So I sit by my fire tonight with my dog by my side thinking about How to love the world more as Jesus would. His Church, His bride. How do we help facilitate this. How to love those I don't understand in a way that they might see that God lives in me through Jesus and the Holy Spirit. That God children, who He's calling day and night to come back to Him, might experience true love, Agape love, coming thru our flesh & bones to those who are used to the jeer, the look, the comment, the sign, the whisper of anything but God, Grace, Mercy and redemption.

To the Lorens of the world, I'm sorry I've done such a bad job of meeting you at the well, or the pool, or on the road, up in a tree or up a creek...
I need to drop the rock and begin standing on it more i guess.

And to all those who've ended up in dark places, selling themselves or giving themselves away in strip clubs, prostitution and dark alleys, there is hope. There is a better way for all of us to move from darkness to the light each day.
It begins with, "I need you Jesus", it moves to, "I want to live for you Father" and ends with " I'm Sorry Dad - Thank You for Mercy and Grace. I want Your way not mine".

In that choice, God promises us all in His Word, pain, struggle and suffering filled with a peace and joy in the midst of it all, that comes only from walking the hills and valleys With Him..

What's the point in blogging?

2011-01-22T15:15:00.006-06:00

Read with brevity or just go “Bloggoff”

Blogs are not “articles” or written, re-written, edited and polished pieces of literature… They are hopefully, streams of thought that are honestly spoken from questioning and thinking bloggers. They are typed, posted and then "NOT" edited. Snippets of time. Like an ink journal you are sharing with others to hopefully and sometimes cathartic-ally learn about life from another perspective. I enjoy reading them from people I want to get more of life from. Those who I think I can glean something interesting or from. I think possibly we used to read daily editorials like this except they were and are edited and re-edited for time and content and syntax.

Articles and books sit in formulas of (filling space within set boundries till editors get them). I love the blog concept because I feel people are more honest, no one’s getting paid, mass employers are not “yet” hiring and firing from them like is happening in the FB world of S. Networking. I guess the honesty in blogging will end soon and some other virtual underground “Ap” will allow transparency to continue without fear or taxation.

Over the last few years there have been those who’ve contacted me and told me I should not be so transparent on issues and things in my blogs while working in the church movement. I think that’s exactly what the church needs.

I love the contact from others who are inspired and motivated and moved to desire to seek and be real in Christ, are the ones I want to care about. Bring me the prodigal not the Presbyterian. Unfortunately I’ll relate to one better than the other. I wonder who Jesus would rather hang around, to love on…

Do you find yourself skimming a lot of self-help books and thinking “geeze” did they have to take 200 pages to say – re-say – re-phrase and re-tool something over and over, that they could have taught and explained in 20 pages?

Now there are those that will look up and realize I’ve not quoted a scripture yet and therefore disregard this all as tripe. So sad…

I shared Christ to a young man the other night at 1AM on Facebook IM.

Someone I met years ago and watched grow up. Who hated parents, loved to fight and party and get high and smoke. I used to invite him to my backyard firepit cigar nights and we’d talk “real” about life and if possible – and if it went that direction- we’d talk about faith as well. He knew who I was. He knew my kids.

Many would say I was a bad influence on him. I would never offer him an adult beverage, but he on occasion would show up with one of his own like a badge of pride and I’d just smile and let him know where to throw a can.

Well, the other night out of nowhere I get a Facebook message from him. He lives in another state and is going for a dbl major in a college. And what do you think he contacts me to discuss? Cigars? Heck no. LIFE and how to navigate it.

Faith and how do I live it in an environment that is totally contrary to faith. How to navigate anti God people without turning them away from faith but sowing seeds of faith into them while they hate you? What denominations are good and why? Girls? Sex? Forgiveness, Lust, Rules, Commandments, Legalism, and Condemnation….

Well my fingers were burning, and you know what I realized very quickly?

My vocabulary for this young man (as hip as I might think I am) is so immersed in Christian speak that I had to erase and re-think many of my pat religious answers to simple and complex questions.

Hmmm. There it is.

When my day to day answers begin to have Greek, Hebrew, Aramic, mulit-sylabic Christian catch word foundations to my answers… I’ve become good for no one but my friends and fellow scholars. (OK forget it – I’m not a scholar, I take that back).

(this is a blog not a book – we are thinking and typing – remember J )

So somewhere after 2AM I said goodnight to my young friend. Jane was sleeping next to me with a light rumble and I lay there with HD cable on in the background as I prayed for this friend. Thanking God that He had trusted me enough to get close and real with him, so that later on he’d feel free to talk to me when he was ready to start a life dialogue. I have friends I’ve been waiting for these conversations with now for decades.

Much of this reminds me of being 15 again. I had just accepted Christ as my Savior alone in my room. I then baptized myself in a lake while fishing and prayed for the infilling of the Holy Spirit in my room. I wanted it all --- every gift of God from the Holy Spirit. I read the bible all day and night like a sponge. I was at odds with the trad. Church for not sharing “salvation” to me but just my neighborhood local church denominational “religion” and it’s set do’s and don’ts.

I was a radical. Abrasive and abusive. BUT. I did do it all in LOVE not judgment because I hadn’t learned that yet from the church. I just wanted people born again because I was so changed and happy and “found not lost” . I wanted people to experience that. Not because of a small group class or a book or a sermon series but because MY LIFE WAS CHANGED. Dear God I so still want that to be the only reason I share you with the world…

So back to my being 15.. Then I met this really cool priest at a Catholic Church.

Not being Catholic, he was a departure for me but I figured with his youth, passion and schooling, I could be honest with him about my frustrations of a lost world in need of Jesus.

What did he do for me that I still think about to this day? Not what you’d think and no priest jokes are necessary here…

We’d go play tennis and I’d rant about the church and how it’s not doing it’s job to share Christ as Savior and on and on. And I’d quote scripture at him about baptism and transliteration and the gift of tongues and and and… And what would he do. Over and over he’s hit the ball across the net or serve and say. “Craig F—kin lighten up would you. “ This priest would just say the craziest things about life and balancing life. Never heard him curse otherwise, just on the tennis court when he was trying to get me to “lighten up and relax” about my passion for the lost. Now I’m not suggesting any of us begin that method. It is not a word in use in my vocabulary, however His being “real” to me and honest and 0pen as a minister had a profound effect on me over the rest of the clergy I was surrounded with who seemed aloof, afar, untouchable, unreachable, over educated and over fed and I couldn’t get an hour of their time. I was only 15 and I could see the difference.

So is that what I’ve become? Do I relate to only those close to me, those in my narrow world? Do I without knowing, push all others away by my looks and speech and relate only to that 15 years older/younger window that Barna speaks of?

So here we are 2011, social networking is taking over all forms of communication in less than 300 characters. We’ve learned from media to speak in soundbytes.

Conventional books are going away. Newspapers already have. It’s monetary driven…78’s, 33’s, LP’s , Cassettes, CD’s, Dats, .wav, .aiff , mp3’s.. What goes by the wayside next in art and communication? Moving backgrounds on broadcasts have so rapidly taken over that even a static 100k HD camera shot looks boring after 10 seconds. How does this affect how we share a living faith to a world of God’s children looking to find and re-connect to Him.

Blogs, what about blogs? Will people still find ways to communicate without all the visual or aural stimulation? Will it be only phones to text and communicate from. Will Tweets be as intimate as we go. Will video compressed video blogs be next. It will be 3D for a while I’m sure. In all of it, are we remaining approachable and relatable and is the fruit of a life of faith actually coming out of us to the world around us or only to those we think matter or might judge us?

What if I actually blogged all the negative and or dark thoughts from a bad day or encounter. Exposed all the sins I’m aware of that no one talks about… What would you do. Dis-respect me. Run away. Post it all online and say “Craig really is not who he says he is”. Would that make you feel better about your own issues? Well don’t worry, I have no big issues… I’m just like everyone elseJ

Ask my mom.. perfect in every way.

Read my blog and you’ll see me in soundbytes about love, arts , nature and how it relates to faith. You just might see you here too…

Choice = Abortion or Calvinism

2011-01-21T12:10:00.005-06:00

Wow, I can hardly believe I said that.

Famous picture of a surgeon doing surgery on a fetus midterm to correct a permanent disease. Incredible isn't it. I read that after the corrective surgery and before he sewed the Uterus up and re-installed it.. that the baby stuck it's hand through that hole and grabbed the surgeons finger. Ouch. Think about that one. Teacher Lantazan Franklin had a message a few years back called " is there a king in you". I still go back and listen to it regularly because it's SO uplifiting. One thing he said the last time I listened (last week) was "how many cures for diseases have not been found because we've "by our sinful choices" aborted the future generations of doctors who might have found those cures. Wow. I'd never thought of it quite that way. Maybe the best artist and or singer and or dancer and or Scientist or ..... never made it to 'breath' and life due to our choices.

Maybe the worst persons ever as well didn't arrive due to our choices.
Oh the mysteries of God, and how we will never-- ever understand them in the most nano levels. Oh, but we try, oh we try. We try to wrap our brains around how God could or couldn't do or create or choose or love or punish or give or take or sacrifice. All based around our human understandings and from our finite viewpoints. Dear God Please Dumb It Down For Us...

As a father and parent raising children, I've learned to relate much of my faith and understanding of the living Word by balancing it against my relationship with my children. I've learned that when I balance how God feels about me through His word, I filter it through how I feel and how I relate to my children and the ones I love. How my parents loved me fits in there as well.

So, for me, If I could, I'd like to save my children from everything bad and push them to everything good. I'd like to correct them on everything they say wrong and steer them into everything I know to be right. I'd like the power to make them do as I know best for their betterment and relationship with me. I'd like them to follow the rules I set and if they don't I'd like them to know they are treading on thin ice with me. I'd like them to know they really do not have a choice in any of this. I'm their dad, I created them and I know best. I raise them, give them a home and clothes and food and will through my efforts keep them close to me forever.

Well, we all grow up and leave our houses and we begin to have the choices to come home and see the folks or not. To moment by moment and day by day, live out what they taught us, or to go make choices that the world does or does not see. (we all do both).

For those in the world who are dogged by a parent or sibling or grandparent or friend from birth to seeming death who advises you everyday in life and what and how to do it correctly:) you generally learn to really dislike those people on many fronts, not love them more....

Love? Is that love, imposing your will and choices onto someone who want's to make their own.

Learning how to make good and bad choices every day is part of the incredible journey.

Boy Did David or Solomon "ever" stop making bad choices, to then write about dealing with it in repentance and then write of the joy and peace in God's mercy and grace.

On and on and over and over the Grace and mercy of God is poured out on us as we repent after we sin and make bad choices day in and day out. Little or big, God's interested in character not comfort for us. Sound like a parent to you?

So with that said. I think about "CHOICE". Do we really have it or is it a figment of our imagination. If I had the capacity to have a billion or more children of my own, what are the odds a certain percentage will make different life choices than I would desire for them. Could you or I love any of them any less. Gosh, i could cry thinking of the thought that a parent could choose one child over another based upon anything. The story of the prodical son is so powerful. God demonstrated (to me anyway) that in the natural we would think that He would love a conforming child over an exploring child.... Both are sinners, both loved the same in His eyes, but because one made more obvious bad choices that the "world" could see, well..... they will go and be destroyed. I love that God doesn't change. His love for EVERYONE remains the same. He want's us all to make the choice to come home. The Holy Spirit in a believer is "the FORCE" in you but you do have "choice" to be or not to be. To follow or not to follow. Day by day, minute by minute we make that choice. God our MOST loving father watches and waits on the sidelines during the game. COME ON SON, there is no one covering you across the middle--- make the shot, turn and catch.... awwwhhhhh. he didn't see it this time. maybe next time..... Gosh I love my kid!!!!

That's my dad, that's my father. Now on earth i don't remember my real father doing that much when I was young. Maybe I wasn't looking? hmmmm. I do know when I got to know him later in life, i realized how he always was watching and hoping i would make good choices. Rarely telling me what i should do and never telling me or forcing his will upon me. THAT would have caused problems of love and trust for sure.

I say choice again. Abortion. The catch word is "choice". Like any sin, it is choice. How many millions of women elect abortions because of fear and judgement. How many loving Christian women do this for the same reasons. Wikipedia says 45 million lives aborted since '73. Those are only the legal numbers. Do I understand why women have them? yes. Can I empathize? yes.

Did God know the millions of Christian women getting them would get them before they were in their own mothers wombs? Did He divinely stop only the ones he chose to keep for His own some day and some generation?

There I struggle.. no, actually I don't struggle. God gives us choices. to live or die. To make life in the act and to take life in the act. His lives....

To run away or to come home. To live connected as His child with His blessings, or to run and never experience them. Either way "He never stops loving us or calling us to come home and choose "Zoe" life with Him.

He loves me. He made a way for me to come back to Him and to live within His structure that creates an abundant life of peace and joy amidst the pain and struggle of life.

Jesus. What a sacrifice, what a gift to choose. He made the way, I must make the choice.

No mandatory enforcement here. No I choose you Craig but not your siblings. Rules still stay in effect while I'm living in the house. But He never will stop loving me and wanting me home if i run away. That's my Dad. He chose to create me and make a way for me to always come home. cause He loves with a love that I'll never fully understand.

Well, I look into the hurting eyes of my own children in a crisis, and there are moments when i think i begin to understand Agape. And in the same way as the Father, I pray my kids will choose to come home and tell me they love me and want me so I can show them my blessings.

We do have a choice. Choose life and life more abundantly.

Oooh The Times, They Are a Changing

2011-01-05T11:16:00.010-06:00

I re-read and then listened to Dylan's '64 recording of "Times they are a changing" again this morning.

off key vocal, bangin 6/8 acoustic quarter notes, harmonica that filled a void for 3 bars between verses and that's about it. BUT, prophetic and glorious in all that nakedness and form it was:)

Like the raw quality of that classic song, Nashville always had a thing about the guitar/vocal demo that bugged me. Writer/Producer Chips Momen used to say to me that if you cant' sell a great lyric and melody with a guitar and a dry voice, then it would never be worth cutting for anyone else. For those like me who LOVE production AND songwriting, that was a pretty deep cut into our musical ideology, but he was pretty spot on and I can still struggle with covering sloppy with synth layers in my basement demos. hmmmm. bad confession. (more cowbell).

The ebb and flow of business and how it gets done from year to year infects and dis-infects all the creative people it has to touch to get the dollar moved from one pile to the other.

Modern Church and Worship have been hit hard in this flow the last decade.

Owners of Publishers, Record Labels, and all lic. groups have one purpose: To make profits for their private or public shareholders or owners. Well,when it comes to ministry, we don't want to look behind that massive curtain, nor do they want us to.

It would appear to be best if we on the creative side would just go about our creative business, seeking God's face, asking for divine inspiration and revelation for new songs, lyrics and melodies to lead the body of Christ into His presence, and let God deal with those at the top of the food chain who take the creative to the masses and who's intentions are really dollar driven.

It's a two edge sword. Kind of like the artist,athlete,actor,pop-culture figure who lives their life in the bubble, hoping that their management doesn't spend all their money and they wake up penny less in a million dollar lifestyle one day. They remain happy so long as there is money in an account, but don't want to wreck their personal life party to look at numbers and evaluate systems and reality. We in the creative side of things have sure screwed ourselves into the table of a commodity not a producer.

We must, in worship, be diligent, look at the systems, be aware of the trends and traps and to what God calls us to do with eyes wide open, or the pot holes will run us off the road without solutions and send us into the junk yard of broken dysfunctional worshipers looking for another job and not wanting to go back to church as we knew it. And in that wake we leave 10's of thousands of worship volunteers broken and looking for leaders with vision and new churches with vision. Short term win for our adversary. Ministry leaders do not need this stuff to get get broken, sin, fall or get chewed up and spit out. We can do that just fine by ourselves without any help from church, but church structure or lack of it compounds the issues immensely.

I currently believe today that much of corporate worship is running 60 mph in a car not designed for the roads with drivers not equipped to keep it together and a pit crew that knows what the buttons and dials mean but cant hardly change a tire if something breaks.

How did this happen so quickly in 10 or so years and who's fault is it?

Much blame to pass around everywhere, but all of us in our human nature want to pass the buck. So, with one of my titles being a worship pastor/director/leader, I'd say I fail miserably in

1) teaching those lateral and above me in this position, that worship is not to be used and treated as pop-culture for the churches gratification.

2) not finding (in and outside the church) and mentoring/developing enough young leaders to learn their musical and technical skills and equip them in all the necessary styles and areas needed to help them succeed with what the church will do to them between Sunday morning and Sunday morning in modern worship. How many worship leaders know how to wire or repair an unbalanced or balanced cable? (buy a new one... that's the answer). Or handle set up of a sound system from scratch and set up a band with multiple monitor mixes or inears with powered or unpowered monitors and in ears, or run a sound check, drum check, mic check, properly. or change an EQ setting or compression setting on an analog board set up. THESE ARE BASIC 101 THINGS, and the church has no idea that someone actually as a volunteer is supposed to know all of these areas to BEGIN to make worship work in a modern setting.

I put volunteers in place and try to help them learn, but in reality, if it's not their passion and they do not have the desire to really learn on their own, I'm setting them up for failure, because this modern system is not really designed for volunteers with low levels of musical/technical understanding, and they will fail and it's my fault for letting it happen.... I'm sorry to all the volunteers who's served under me and felt like they failed. There should have been a professional alongside you always, teaching and mentoring you along this path so you could succeed when and if you were ready to go it alone and become the teacher..

3) Not teaching the church body through dialogue what worship really is and how to enter it and adapt to the changing styles and find ways to enter in regardless of form and function.

4) Not fighting hard enough with corporate leadership that if you want modern worship, and worship arts, you will have to pay for it. And the cost will be large in dollars. LARGE.... And it will not end. It will ever be changing and upgrading. And you must make that commitment or you will fade away slowly thinking you are with the times, while losing worship leader after worship leader who cant race at Indy in 2011 with a beautiful 1990's version Indy car and a volunteer crew (but it looks and runs just fine, they say. Just needs a few cheap tweaks and upgrades)....

How did much of this happen in the last 10 years?

I think radio changed much of it all with the advent of modern worship recordings taking over CCM Radio beginning with Smittys "2001 Worship" live record in Louisville Kentucky after the GMA's that year.

CCM Radio used to be Artist Driven till then, and the only thing from it that your church would do would be a cool offertory or special or new Easter / Christmas tune you might hear and learn from an artist that released an artist tune that crossed over from Artist to Corporate worship. (pretty rare till 10 years ago).

Remember when just a few years ago, if you didn't use Denomination Books or Celebration Hymnals, you used overhead projectors and you went to the Holy Spirit Conference or to large venues or Festivals to hear a new worship songs that seemed to work, that you could incorporate into your "book" of worship tunes and hymns on overhead sheets. And that was about the only thing on local FM radio around the country that you could use in a worship service; were good solid "artist tunes" for an offertory or a "special". You perused the "worship" section of Vineyard and then Hillsong and Integrity... looking for a new tune at your local book store hoping to find a "gem" now and then.

Overseer, Elder Boards, Sr. Staff and congregations were not interested in the latest or greatest songs, but what ministry happened during worship time. Who got prayed for, who got healed and set free, who's needs got met in the very presence of the Holy Spirit.

Well, Worship leaders have become rock stars to keep a failing record industry from sinking further in their bottom line sales and yada yada yada. All the artists become worship artists now.

It's no longer CCM artists in bold letters " Amy, Phelps, Sandi, White Heart, Chapman, MWS,

it's become "TOMLIN, REDMOND, BELOCHE, WALKER, JOBI, HILLSONG UNITED, GATEWAY WORSHIP, CROWDER and on and on. Is it the worshiper writers making themselves larger than life. Of Course Not..... It's the nature of business.

Well now (contemporary Worship Music) CWM. on the radio seems to have moved back to (Contemporary Christian Music) CCM artist driven music and the church and a generation of young ill equipped worship leaders are in a major quandry. (Where do we find songs now - they are not on the radio... How do we pick a good song for content? What is a good song and song form and melody and key for corporate singing?) How do I write one of those songs?

Church got used to having all their new songs spoon fed to them on the radio for 10 years to the point that when W.Leaders would introduce a new song, the congregation would have already known it for 6 months from the radio, and the natural learning curve for a church body on a new song was taken away.

This has made it even harder now to introduce anything new to the church that is original or from a non radio driven source. If we don't know it, or haven't heard it on the radio, it makes us uncomfortable and we cant "worship"....

I think also the artist writers are a new generation of non-schooled writers who are ardent worshipers but don't under stand musical form and function. With new media forms pushing songs on personal networks, we have a whole new group of worship music being written with melodies that change from vs to vs. and ch. to ch.and they are done in artist keys not worship keys, so the church can't learn the songs forms and melodies or sing them in the dbl octave forms now being written so often. Sssssoooo, mainstream worshipers call the music bad, they push against the worship dept's through the church back doors of structure, asking them to do more hymns and older songs that they know and can sing with. (I smell yeast)...

I keep telling the kids I mentor to just find the great worship chorus in these songs and scrap doing the vs's in many cases because the body just struggles to much to learn them since they are not on the radio 50 times a day anymore to teach it to them....

Wonderfully, the advent of guitar lead worship has come back and there are so many good leaders out there, but again the U2 driven tunes are developing young worship players with shallow musical skills so that if a real chart is put in front of them they are totally lost on how to arrange a song between instruments and make anything musical not just worshipful.

Yes, the top 40 worship charts hamster wheel is wobbling and the church in it's efforts to stabilize it's numbers continues to under fund and under staff worship while asking for the latest and greatest in styles, music and technology to be accomplished by wonderful volunteer church members.

The burn out of gifted and passionate worship leaders is going to be larger than ever before, and hopefully those leading young groups today will equip them and not placate them as they prep for leadership in music ministry..

All of us with hearts of worship who desire the secret places found there, and know what happens when a group can enter that place and space, are and are becoming broken 45's on the road called (Sunday Morning Worship Jukebox). Kick it if it skips on ya or doesn't have "it's all about me"located at button i16.

As a very mortal and broken worship writer, writing within the demons of his own failings wrote" Through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God".

And there it is. After all is said and done. God will inhabit the praises of his Children, if they will just open up and mean it when they worship Him. All the rest we do and don't do to try to make it happen for His names sake becomes meaningless when He hears a heart cry " I love you lord and I lift my voice to worship you my God and King".....

Stress: "Smile if your heart is aching".

2010-12-20T13:34:00.004-06:00

Monday afternoon. 1300.cst
(photo from dinner at Jamison's 21st birthday dinner)

Well yesterday I asked two congregations, "who had noticed stress in people as they were out shopping this last week" Hmmm.
Naturally, only about 20 percent ever respond unless it's a joke.. lol, but with that said there were a lot of smiles. Smiles. Hmmmm. What a concept. Infectious, intoxicating and invigorating. When mixed with a heart full of unconditional love, it's a powerful weapon against all forms of ---- crap that the world will throw at you. So why is it so hard to do.
Think of the people you love the most and want to be around. Close your eyes and envision them. Are they happy or smiling or full of love and grace...?
Think of the people you pray the most for, want the most for, ache the most for. Close your eyes. are they pictured as happy, full of love and grace or hurting, broken, prideful and unhappy?

As we finish out through this season of remembering Our Only Hope who came into this world helpless, let's (me first) try to look for those around us who need the hugs, need the gifts, need the kisses and kind words, meals, SMILES and the Prayers. It's easy to do this to the ones who are healthy. Pretty hard to do it to those we're trying to avoid. I think it starts with an honest smile from our hearts, reflecting the love of Christ buried deep into our deepest places. That wells up and shouts, "this smile is supernatural". You know it when you see it. It makes people want it, or convicts them when they run from it. Love, yes love, Agape and Philadelphia does not put self first or demand or expect. It just "does". And oh how "I", we need more of this attribute of Christ more and more each day. Judgment, condemnation, anger, malice, self-pity and self-righteousness somehow just don't seem like the one who set us free and lives within us.
So today whenever you encounter someone in a room, on a street, at work or play or home or ANYWHERE, try beginning your very first contact with them with a smile... even if your heart is aching. See what happens.. Surprise me God.
The phone is ringing, can't people just leave me alone when I'm in my quiet place..

always and never

2010-12-13T11:48:00.005-06:00

We've always had a rule in the house that we dont' say "never" and we do not say "always".

What we actually say face to face, and what people actually hear from our words are sometimes so mistaken that you want to laugh, cry or just plain give up on English.

With the advent of V.Mail to email and now to texting. its hrd 2 evn remtly undstnd w peop are syng. Add in that someones keyboard might be malfunctioning and, well, or they dont' recieve your txt or email in proper sequence and you can have ww3 on your hands.

How do we communicate and make sure we are really communicating with people in the ways we intend to...

The photo above, is Jane and I in Tuscon AZ on a walk, taking a photo of the drybeds that lead to the Mexican border... :) Didn't realize our shadows were there originally. Make for an interesting photo. What's real, what's fake. Did I intend to put us in the middle of the pic?. Well everything depends on what you're thinking at the time.

We have a dear single friend Beth. She needed her car shoveled out at the airport and I said to Jane "Every single girl needs to have Triple A "AAA". She responded " well I don't". I responded "You're not single".. To which she responded " You DID say every single girl. Am I not a girl"????. Well there it is. What did I say --- and what did she hear? Single OR Single.....:)

What's important in this... We did not get pissed and shout at each other. We did not assume one was trying to make the other wrong. We just didn't understand what each other was really saying and by "calmly" talking it through we ended up laughing about it instead of arguing or fighting about it. How does that happen? WELL it doesn't ALWAYS.

We try so hard in life to please each other. To not offend each other. To be kind to each other.

We fail so often with the ones entrusted to us.

Prayer, Word, more Prayer, More Word, Confession and Worship are the solution for this mortal. Without covering myself in the presence of God, I find it harder and harder each day to deal with what we do to each other. How bout you... oh mortal friends.

This Christmas

2010-12-06T10:50:00.006-06:00

It's another Monday morning. Christmas is looming in the distance, and all that brings to the commercial and the sacred. For some it's the best weeks of the year. For others the worst. Like all seasonal markers and holy days, it's our memories that make them what they are and can be. I thought about all those who are without some or all of those they love this Christmas.

On my way to a friends church last week to see him lead worship,

I thought about this and began writing a new Christmas song that was finished by the time we arrived home. I recorded a demo that afternoon at home and a few days later created this video from that audio demo.

It's my prayer that at least for our military men and women, that this message resonates with them and brings them hope this holiday as they are away.

For myself and others, it's not having all those you love by your side at Christmas. Those who've come and gone, are miles away and those you just miss being around.

I realized that the only thing I can really do is "pray and let go". Leave them in the Fathers care and pray all their needs are met, whatever they may be at that time.

There are so many hurting this season with our nation struggling in many areas. I went to a Sr. Care Facility to see my mother this last weekend. Usually when I go, I see just one or two people visiting the hundreds of folks living there. So many alone. But last weekend there were at least 500 people with lines so long for food, they went down the halls and around the corner. With 45min waits for food. Two things struck me. One, the lines reminded me of the depression and what could happen here with our current apathetic and political trends. We could end up with soup lines again, and the people who actually have a place to live, sharing their homes and food to strangers. Churches opening their doors again to take care of widows and orphans since the Govt. will no longer be in a position with our tax dollars to do it.. (no comment here).
Two, I was reminded of how few of us (me included) take the time to see and visit our loved ones every week who are in care facilities. All those people with all that life knowledge and wisdom locked up, not sharing that information with others to learn from... So Sad.

So as we enter the Christmas season, I pray that I'll first of all, be more responsible to those in my care, and second to those to God brings across my path each and every day.

Crap, I see the mail man is knocking on my door. What the heck does he want now.... ;)

The bigger the better or badder.

2010-08-22T05:10:00.004-05:00

Why is it that we are happiest with the small things but think we'll be happier with the big things.

When my second grandchild / first grandson was born I was reminded that like all parents, my daughter and husband were again to have a life of many hardships raising children. In that, they would see the hand of God over their own choices and decisions.

For our families, friends, lovers, enemies and neighbors we love to have the bigger, better, badder, newer, shinier. It brings a feeling of accomplishment, and feeling of pride, a feeling of richness, and yes, a feeling of god.
Not that any of it is bad. NO it's not, but it can give us the god complex of false superiority, lordship, worthiness, creator and dominator/denominator. That whole thing brings us white robes and big rocks in our hands.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, the poor, the hurting, hmmm the humble masses yearning to be free.... We / or better yet, I am reminded less than I should that it is in our poorness we are rich, it is in our hurting that we are strong. Yes, this doesn't preach well in a lot of church circles anymore, but I think it's talking about core spiritual principles that will affect in part the natural versions of the same things.
I struggle much with the whole aspect of living and teaching law vs grace with many of my contemporaries and friends from different walks of life.
As much as I hate the sin in me and the capacity to sin in me, I hate my god complex of being judge and jury over those less fortunate than I on any given day. I can pick up a stone as fast as anyone on a hot topic but never think it's as bad when i do it.
I love my Jesus in the face of Mother Theresa, MLK, Doctors without borders, church greeters doing the same thing at their job place. I don't see Jesus on the face of much of the modern church today. Not that we're worse than we've ever been, just maybe a bit more "smarter, slicker and relevant". All that can be incredible when applied to a humble foundation of the beatitudes, but dangerous when applied to any foundation of the "me/god foundation".

So as i leave for services this morning, I'm brought to tears again by Oswald C. on Aug. 22nd "My Utmost".
"When He comes, am I prepared for Him to drag into the light, every wrong thing I have done?
It is there when He comes. Wherever I know I am unclean He will put His feet; wherever I think I am clean He will withdraw them.
Repentance does not bring a sense of sin, but a sense of unutterable unworthiness.
.... The reason God can not come into my life (in more measure) is because I am not through (with my self) into repentance."

May pride be seen on my face Lord and may it be pride in only You and what you are doing in and through this revitalized holy, sanctified, marvelous.... oops I mean humble, broken, unworthy and thirsty vessel filled with moments of Your holy, sanctified marvelous grace.

pretty cute grandkids huh....:)

Remembering Fathers Day

2010-06-21T00:42:00.003-05:00

Well here tonight on my deck I'm reminissing of my best friend. On fathers day I'm reminded of the thousands of smiles, tears and laughter I was blessed to share with my dad. He never talked about himself, the wars, his pains and struggles. He just had a kind gentle way of loving just about everyone. Taking over 100 foster children in with his 5 kids and a dog and cat, his only frustrations came out watching sporting events, muttering over a 3 putt or a duff chip, liberal politicians and trying to find a way to not argue with mom with "Oh Marilyn".... Never complained about 3 jobs, losing his company, 2 heart attacks and bypass surgery, lung and brain cancer. NEVER.
Could have had surgery for the lung and brain cancer but like the end of Private Ryan said "I've lived a good life, I'm ready to close this short story and enter the novel of all novels. Never talked about another woman other than his wife. Rarely ever took time for himself and Never complained about that either. Loved to shine shoes on a Sat. PM and wear a turtleneck with a sportcoat. Loved mustache wax and relished every moment of a good cigar (from me:) lol, cause he'd never spend over 2bucks for one. I think my favorite moment was taking him along on a road trip to Palm Desert for a gig. He'd not been away from my mom more than 2 days in over 35 years. We stood alone on a lush Tee box as the sun came up in the desert with the mountains all around and I don't think he ever thought he's be that lucky to do that. That look, that smile, that "gosh this is something" gaze with a fist pump... forever priceless.
And now every day I stand on a course we used to play or at a restaurant we'd eat at... I'm reminded of how grateful beyond measure I am for such an incredible friend for so many years.
And then yesterday walking off a golf course past the clubhouse window I glanced into the window and saw him.... It was a reflection of me in the window... who I can only hope is somewhat a reflection of a man much larger that I'll ever be.

"The Look"

2010-05-24T07:46:00.006-05:00

Here is a photo i took this morning as I was writing and having my first Espresso . Does this look like the "look of love?"
Burt Bacharach and Hal David once wrote a great tune "The Look of Love".
Dusty Springfield was the lucky girl to be blessed to do the vocal track back in 1967. Well all I remember from '67 is that I had a crush on my 5th grade teacher who drove a brand new orange "Barracuda"fastback. WOW she was like Dana Fitzpatrick.
Honestly 40 years later I now love the version by Diana Krall and I wanna fly fish for Barracuda.

Today Jane and I have been blessed to raise three uniquely incredible children. If you showed this photo to our three children, all three would tell you that that's "the look".
I never liked spanking, but all three of our kids up till the age of around 5 got there share when all else failed. Marissa would rightly tell you she got the most over the boys. She had the most "my will not thy will" inbred. (hmmm where did she get that?).
Well there comes that time when you really must stop corporal punishment and move to other methods of "teaching" lol. I developed "the look". When I'd give this look to my kids it meant " don't even think about it", or "you are Not serious" ,or " If you lie to me I'LL know anyway".

It's important to keep that and other things in your parental arsenal to "hopefully" use when you feel those you love are slipping, have slipped or are headed to slip and hurt themselves.

The look would never honestly be used to hurt those you love only to help them, or help them stop, think and or pause to understand something. (If only children could understand that).

GOD..... How bout God....

What has He done for us? How does He convey "the look"? What is His method of trying to get you or I to pause, stop, think, reflect, pray, search our memory banks for "Word" to help us make proper decisions.

Today think about if you couldn't talk out loud or be seen by your kids -and- you had to find some way in love to encourage, discipline and help shape your kids destinies. How would you do it? How would it make you feel to watch them make bad choices and you couldn't speak outloud to stop them. How would that break your heart.

GOD.... How bout God....

Jesus was and is "the look of love", "the word made flesh", our living example of life. The living Word is all we have to hear clearly God's voice and His opinions. Prayer/Worship is our supernatural connection to knowledge, wisdom and power. and although it's one of the things we spend the least time at, it is like eating the Word one of the hardest to be faithful at. It's so much easier to go have coffee with friends and talk about other faults while reciting a verse or two.

Father today, help me so that I can make better decisions and choices in this walk of faith and not have to fall off any cliffs I see as adventure. Keep my conscience open to Your direction and help me see "the look".

Using Your Imagination

2010-05-17T22:48:00.002-05:00

So here is a photo of a new "fly" I tied last summer for Smallmouth Bass. #8 upsidedown turned eye. Yellowdot barbells, olive marabou, rubberlegs, crystal flash, chenille, peacock herl and a tail cut of silicone from a worn out C-pap mask. lol

So what makes one think of these things and tie them all into a flyfishing fly? The need to create! God put it into all of us. We are created in His image. Will it ever catch a fish? Doesn't really matter but I KNOW it will :) You gotta love the sharpie black dots on the silicone to represent frog or dots on a minnows body. Come on, cant you see it bouncing on the bottom with the hook up (so as not to get caught on rocks) darting up and down with the marabou pulsing and the rubber legs moving in the current with the tail swinging and the peacock and crystal flash reflecting light. oooooh, so exciting for a fly tier. Yes it will probably get caught and a rock and snap off only to never be eaten but just maybe... :)

Now you all read this and say to yourself , whew I never new Craigt had such weird hobbies outside of songwriting and creating food dishes. Well it's only the latest I'm confessing.

How bout you. Those who have strong creative gifts already know what they are but it's those who swear they cant create anything but a mess that I'm interested in. You just need to let go, design time to develop your inner passions and forget who thinks anything about it.

You may love designing. Start it on paper, then bring it to your medium. Arts/Crafts, clothing, horticulture, science and on and on. You may love writing or music. There is no end to where you can "create". Begin in your home. Don't worry what your family says so long as you enjoy it and it doesn't take away from your life responsibilities or obligations. There is something "whole" that happens when you use your God given imagination. Note to self: "don't EVER look for others to think it's good OR think it's good yourself. Unrealistic expectations are the death of most creators. They are not met and we give up. I wonder what things God created that He finished and said, "hmmm, I can do better that that". One thing's for sure, He didn't say that when he created you.

Remember before you forget...

2010-05-13T10:12:00.004-05:00

Last night I was watching a movie of love and life with Morgan Freeman as a therapist. Lot's of broken hearts, death and dying. In the movie his own son dies of heroin overdose and he had no clue. As a counselor he felt a failure. Staring at young adults and children at a wedding he sadly mused, "it's beyond tragic". His wife looking at this celebration said, "what do you mean". He replied in pain, " they have no idea what they are headed for. The pain, sorrow, hurt, brokenness of life that ends sadly...
I shed a tear, agreeing in so many ways that this is really truth. Regardless of our beliefs and creeds, there are basic truths we in a life of faith try to gloss over. Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, Before the difficult days come and the years draw near when you say, "i have no pleasure in them". Ecc 12:1

Above is a photo taken last year of my mom with her grand and great grandchildren at our homestead. I see the joy of everyone in that moment but am reminded that as my father passed on three years earlier of brain cancer and my mom began a slow journey into dementia , that life will have remarkable twists for all these grand and great grandchildren. 100 yrs from now their children and grandchildren will look back on this photo and tell stories of their lives and journeys. Have we prepared them for reality? Have we shown them our failures so they do not have to repeat them, or have we hidden them away for another generation to suffer? Have we spoken Solomon's final summary in Ecc. "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments." So simple yet so hard to live and teach as fallen/redeemed mortals. I look above and pray for continued new beginnings, lessons learned with the ability to grasp grace and humbly receive and grant mercy in all things to all people. Thank you Jesus that you are the foundation of all on which we can stand, hope and believe when life sends it's blows and we are grasping for the very air You breathe.

The Roman Forum

2009-11-12T10:05:00.010-06:00

Having just spent a week in Tuscany with Jane for our 28th anniversary I've been flooded with so many thoughts and emotions. However due to Facebook, I've been neglecting posts here with daily posts there and photos, but need to get back to blogsville. :) I'll be posting photos here from Italy and remember you can always click on them for a "bit" larger 1024 version.

Reading the history of the Roman Forum (shown partly at left) and the interesting concept of the Vestal Virgins this morning, I'm reminded again that before Christs arrival, men tried very hard to create gods to fill that empty void in their lives with religious practices and sacrifices. Some honest , some very sick, but all, as the Hebrews were following, not following and following again Jehovah; waiting for Yeshua Messiah. While on the other continents of the world, men were as well seeking to fill that void with whatever made sense based upon their cultures, upbringing and personal moralities.

We sure see Americanized, NIV Christianity from CBN,TBN,GOD,ETWN and our denominations differently than the rest of the world sees it and views us. For us it appears to be pretty clean cut. With rules, regulations and exhortations on how each denomination see's it's believers to play out faith. Annually creating themes and slogans and bullet points and, and, and ways to grow "our" church while our neighbors continue to be lost, hurting and we turn the care of the homeless and widows and orphans over to the state. I wonder if God would or will bless the church ever again enough financially to take care of the widows and orphans if we had the passion and vision and leadership to do it? Or does God know mens hearts and would we just say "wow, what a super natural crop, I think I'll build bigger barns to hold it" and start a new building program with it... Forgive me Lord for I am part of that problem. Change begins with revelation so reveal to me and convict my heart till I do something Lord other than write, point fingers and talk about it like the pharisees were so great at.

With that said, I'm reminded of a couple obscure paintings I found in old basements of underground churches in Sienna that reminded me that the church has imho become focused to inward with the exception of missions trips. (I think many western missions trips should be re-named anyway as something more western like vacationjesus tours). I don't take away from the fact that just about every American who goes on a mission trip comes back changed and with a greater sense of how blessed "they" are to be living here, and now want to do more, but when I think of missionaries over the centuries, I don't think of bus trips to drop clothes off in foreign lands. I read the other month from a foreign missionary in Africa that the poor and so many of the villages live each day, week and year waiting and viewing calendars for the various denominations and churches to come feed them and cloth them for a certain amount of weeks a year when the weather is best and then leave for another year.
Thank you God for those faithful to live and serve amongst the people, to be living salt and light, teaching and mentoring life skills to those less fortunate, backed by the greater church.

So what was the good smaritan. What was their religion, their passion, their giftings, their motives. I love the other person walking away in this picture. Is this the traditional church or the heathen? I also love the ass in the background that shows that the Good Smaritan was on business and took time out to go out of their way to help. I was also fascinated by the background landscape which looks almost Spanish Western. What a painting, and to think it was about 10feet wide and 5ft tall many floors down in a dark room of an old monastery seen by very few. Talking with a friend this morning about this painting, he asked me, "if you are the good smaritan there, what is the question that the hurting person is asking you right there, and what are you gonna do about it when you get up from there, climb back on your ass to do your business and then get off your "donkey" down the road?

I think I'm gonna start by going to go look for my old 5 yr business plans to build bigger and better barns when the crops come in. ie: houses, cars, toys.

Cabellas

2009-09-28T18:17:00.003-05:00

So today I received a letter from a bank that Cabellas contracted with. Canceling my card.
My card was paid up, I've had no balance for months, nor have charged there in 6 mo.
Cabellas didn't contact me.... but some bank did that they contracted with. Bad move boys and girls.

I remember shopping there one day a number of years ago and some guy says, let us give you a Cabellas card sir. You'll get 20% off your purchases today. Well that was a day I was prepping for a Yellowstone business and fly fishing trip and getting the card was going to save us a few hundred.
So 5 Min. later I have a Cabella's card with a 16k line of credit (so I can buy a boat I guess, if I were that stupid)lol.

Well I call the bank and they tell me that my credit score dropped below 700, and that keeps me from having an account with "Worlds Formost Bank" and their new quarterly benchmarks.
Okdoke. No point arguing with them, Cabella's was the source.
So I call Cabella's and they tell me that they can give me the "Formost Bank" 800 number.
Can you say run around circle jerk 5 times real fast. Well I'm sorry to say, Cabella will not get my business again. I told them that in this economic time of trying to people get to purchase anything, this was not a real productive idea, and they should re-evalute this thinking.
After all, it's not what you do It's how you do it. So it's back to ordering gear online at the best price instead of driving 50 miles round trip, and a few hours to walk through a beautiful store.

So it is in the ebb and flow of life. Those who serve the best, get the most clients.

Freedoms?

2009-07-16T07:25:00.002-05:00

This photo is a picture I took on Ft. Sumpter. This flag flew over the Ft. on the first day of the Civil War. Oh the 10's of thousands of lives lost for the freedoms of so few but for the principals we hold dear for all.

I found a little book in my office that was left by a previous worship director. Seasons of Change by Dr. Myles Munroe.

His opinions about Slavery, Missions Fields, Missionaries, Enslavement and any groups ability to allow others to "take care of them" instead of learning to be responsible and 1st take care of themselves and 2nd begin taking care of others is pretty profound. It sure seems that our nation has elected officials into office and decided that "they" know best and will just do the right thing. I'm not sure if the average American is so overwhelmed with their own lives and families that they can't "go there" and just watch the news each night and say "it's only 4 years, and they promised to bring hope and change and compassion and transparency. It's gotta be better than the last 8".
Dear Jesus please wake up THIS nation's independents and moderates to realize what's really happening here. As Dr. Munroe would say "

What is freedom. Nobody should ever be given the privilege of ascribing to you worth. If you get your value from someone, (or a group) they can determine how much you are worth. In fact, the real issue is not "civil rights" but human rights. Human rights are inherent in God's creation of man; civil rights is man's opinion of that human being. Dr. Myles Munroe "Seasons of Change". P.71

We are allowing our elected officials to sell our nation into slavery to itself and other nations.

I will admit I'm an independent conservative who has voted for more conservatives than liberals over the decades and voting for Jimmy Carter is the one vote I'm now ashamed of 30 years later. In my youth because he was "born again" (I read that in a Larry Flynt Penthouse article)
I thought that was a good enough reason to vote for him. That was as misguided as reading the Larry Flynt article. I remember buying the magazine - asking what page the article started on - thumbing through the edge of the page numbers and cutting it out of the magazine so I could photostat the article and have it for other friends to read apart from getting your mind pumped up with an artificial injection of what love Isn't.

Back to Freedom. New conservative media superstar Glen Beck is crying out like John the Baptist every day. Pleading with Americans to take their country and government back. So he started the neighborhood parties concept and tea parties, and is screaming like a fool to the wind.

I'm afraid it might be to late. I'm afraid that God may have just said - like he said to Israel - "Ok, you want a king instead of me, so be it. Here's what's gonna happen because of it, but hey I love you and it's your choice. I'll still be here when you fall". And fall we just may. Beyond our wildest expectations. True leaders lead not for personal gain but for the sake of others. Do you see ANY of that in Washington. Is it even possible with the way the political systems are set up and paid for. The politicians become instant slaves to their "funders" and we in turn become slaves to our Govt. who will become our "funders" of everything "good" and for the sake of "all" because it's "fairer".

I hope you're praying each night and day for a miracle. God will always be there and He will always make good for those called according to His purpose and those who humble themselves and pray and turn from their "personal' wicked ways. His promises are true, each and every one, but the consequences of our lack of action in the natural right now, I'm afraid will change our nations foundational under pinnings and turn us from freedom to enslavement.
Thank you Father that our hope and future are not found here, but help us to not lose sight of the responsibilies we have in maintaining our libertys as a nation. God bless those serving for our freedoms, obeying orders and maintaining that high standard around the globe.

Mississippi Dreams

2009-06-25T15:02:00.003-05:00

I've always wanted to fish for Smallie's on the Mississippi, but with such a large river, I never felt comfortable taking my float tube down it without some instruction. It's Kind of like trying to navigate life without your bible. Pretty overwhelming and lot's of places to get hurt if you don't know how to avoid them.
Anyway, my old best friend Bruce: (Who I've been flyfishing with for almost 30 years) drove up from Nashville and for his birthday, I hired us the US Smallmouth fly fishing guru. (as he would explain to us) to drift us from Becker to Monticello. Around 5 or 6 miles of world class Small mouth waters. Never deeper than 6 feet and usually 2 or 3. Guide Tim Holshlag talked for 8 hours straight about Small mouth around the world. He worked the boat and his verbal skills like Wayne Newton in Vegas on a Sat. night show. Butta....
The photo below was the first fish. A nice 15" bronze back.
We each caught 10 in the 14 to 161/2 range and I lost two over 19 inches that I swore I set the hook hard enough to kill most other fish..., but after a minute or two of fighting, they would just bear down, down stream and put on the brakes, not allowing you to reel them while your rod is bent over and your forearm is burning from the pressure of being above your head holding a 9ft bent over rod. Then in a flash they turn sideways and pop out your barbless streamer or popper.
Still a lot of fun to get those big ones one and see them cross over and under the boat at will as if to say 'you may think you have me buddy, but I'm playing iwth YOU."
Eight hours in 98 degree heat, and a gallon of water will still not hydrate you enough.
Sure would have loved to eat a few of them that day, but it's those catch and release rules that keep world class fish in a river growing larger and larger with more and more hook scars.
I heard one story by Tim, of a large 21" grandpa that was blind in one eye from a few years ago and he caught that same lunker 4 times in one season. How fun and what an honor to release him back to his neighborhood. So there it was, the day came and went and I'm already dreaming of getting a Tim Holschlag custom built 8wt. smallie rod and tying a bunch of his fly patterns.
Now that I know the lay of the land, I'll be back there fishing that stretch of water in the next few weeks in my float tube, looking for more ways to say thank you God for all the beauty you've created for us to enjoy and relax with. Here's hoping your hobbies and passions draw you closer to Him who created it all for us to enjoy and thank Him for.

The Bonding

2009-04-18T11:15:00.003-05:00

There is something about guys eating meat, sitting around a campfire and getting real. Whatever the accoutrements are - doesn't really matter. What matters is, getting real. It's hard for guys to do this in public. They are not really touchy feeley by nature. So to get a bunch of poor musicians together who have Faith in Christ as a common bond, and who regularly work in a church environment, you can get a lot of very serious conversations going.
No, not one drummer joke was passed, only complements to Timmy Z's rounded skill sets on a kit. Part of me wishes we could have church like this. Well actually it was church without walls with hats and jackets. Three or four of Ricks neighbors just wandered into the firepit and sat and listened to our salty conversations about living lives of faith in the arts, in a broken world and imperfect church. How good it was. I'm thankful everyday for the artists who work, and practice, and woodshed to hone thier skills to honor the Father in their efforts. To show Him that they are trying to be better stewards each day with the gifts they were given. Not just sitting on their base talent. How great it would be some day when the church makes a commitment and re-hires musicians and artists full time to worship God day and night, lead worship and teach worship in the church. Let it be so Lord, for You are worthy of it all.

Good Friday ?

2009-04-11T16:50:00.008-05:00

There just seems to be something wrong with the words "Good Friday".
Seems pretty selfish to even say it out loud to me. Should be "Thank You Friday" or "Not Worthy Friday".

Well last night I did a Good Friday service with only my family. Five of us on the platform. Marissa 26 on concert harp and vocals, Jamison 19 on percussion and vocals, Jordan 12 on percussion, Jane "always 19 in my dreams" on vocals and myself on guitar and keys. I remember commenting how wonderful it was to look out and see full families sitting all dressed up, sharing, and learning together, again, about the great price paid for our eternal freedom.

I spent two days recording and editing photos and text for the video backgrounds to get exactly what I wanted behind the platform. 100 candles, two 9ft crosses lit with red fabric and all lights out in the sanctuary gave it the feel I so wanted.

Well, technically it was a nightmare. My son was lost in traffic, we didn't get time to rehearse at all. My in ears were not functioning, I couldn't get my personal projector to turn on for backgrounds, the church office computer would not print a CCLI chart with flash that I needed, My piano mic would not turn on, and on and on. That's the way it is much of the time when you're leading and in charge. I'm not attempting to complain, just explain that I felt for the first time in a long time a real sense of let down. That I didn't properly prepare my troops and have them all locked and loaded for battle. You see it's not your musicians and volunteers faults when things go awry. It's the leaders. End of story. We either have them ready with the correct amount of setup time and tools needed to do the job so they can have it done and ready in time, or things fail and eveyone feels bad.
So with that said, today I've been going back over my methods and pre-planning. Taking mental notes of how to make things better and smoother. It was then that my phone rang, and a dear friend Mark answered. "Hey Craig, didn't want the day to go by without telling you that last nights "Good Friday" service was the most intimate and sensitive service I've ever been to. In case no one told you, I wanted you to know how moved I was, and how blessed it was to see your family worshiping together".

Well, Last night after the service and tear down and re-set for our Sunday services, I was having dinner with my family and son in law. When asked about the earlier service, I said "how I feel doesn't really matter. What matters is that God did what only He could do tonight".
We don't know what that is and if we measure it in the natural, we can be very mistaken.

So then here today Mark calls, and without knowing, re-affirms my faith that God works in our weakness and in spite of ourselves. We give our best efforts, we give them to Him.
We say "Your will be done", and then we must move on to the next assignment and log the corrections.

So tomorrow is Easter Sunday. Millions of believers will be shouting "He Is Risen" along with the host of heaven shouting "Daahhhh". (never thought of that one till right now:) ) and the enemies of our souls plugging their ears! Hallelujah!

Dreams

2009-03-11T22:25:00.002-05:00

Well my little brother turned 40 this month. He always dreamed of skiing out west, but being a realist with 3 young kids he figured Lutsen, would be good enough. So after 25 years of dreaming about it, he asked me to go be his ski bum partner for two days. Can't fully tell you how fun it is to see someone living their dreams. I hope you have the chance to experience yours and or someone else's dreams some time. So much fun. And then there was the 48 hours of nonstop skiing. with a coca-cola break (once!). I will now admit that you can lose 10 pounds in 48hours if you exercise 15 hrs. of it. Had a great conversation at the chalet with a couple from Alaska who were pretty faith un-friendly. It was great to share the "love" of Christ by just being real with folks and watching them say 'hmmm maybe a life of faith isn't that weird as I thought it was". Thank you Lord for fresh powder and soft landings:)

Breaking Bread

2009-02-23T08:26:00.003-06:00

Well, It's been a bit since my last check in. Since I've started working with another church worship department (River of Life EFC), in Elk River MN. , most spare time has been re-shifted to that process of discovery, evaluation and potential solutions.

I'm spending more time these days with Jordan our 12 year old, trying to practice what I preach about family before ministry. Cant' get that time back.
Well the photo above is last night after a worship event at the church called "Reign Down".
There were 25 musicans, singers, Tech crew, video and recording folks that should be in this picture but in the "process" we never thought about a photo until 10pm when there were just a few left in the kitchen hog-in down on some giant Italian Subs . L to R. Jason Peterson my little "Brah" is out as the sax man for Michael Bolton for years and tours with various artists as well as being a great singer,piano player and funky songwriter. Danny Roo was drumming and this church is his home church so it was a treat for him to have on the platform. Danny plays with a 10pc. horn band called "Power of 10" In the twin cities. He has one of the biggest hearts in the world. Tood Earnster "BigE" is founding member of "Killer Hayseeds" and we go back along time. Todd is a remarkable guitar player and has "I AM" studios just outside of the cities. I did a lot of my last worship record at Todd's place.

Well last nights "Reign Down" worship event was our second and I was blessed to have old friends come in and give their time and services to recording and multi camera shoots. JP, and the BPEFC video crew, thank you so much. I'm looking forward to seeing what it turns into.

Well it was the first night with my wife, daughter and one son "The O's" singing tenor, alto and soprano. Our daughter is a harpist and new mom :) (moharp.com) What a treat. My dearest bud Rick Baron (Rickbarronmusic.com) also sat in and sang after doing all his morning services cross town at his church.

Well I could go on and on about the band, and the ROL singers did a great job as the praise choir.

All that said, the real star of the evening was "the morning star". Hundreds of people got their praise down and then moved into an hour of intimate worship and prayer. It was wonderful with all the world class musicians on the platform, to see people standing, stitting, kneeling, bent over in the stillness of the Holy Spirits love and presence, not focusing on "men and their abilities" but on "God's Holy Spirit and it's presence, power and purpose". d Learning to be still and listen and receive is very hard for some folks. They just wanna keep "moving" in this nano speed atmosphere.

"Be Still And Know" is more important than ever before in this time we live in.

But can't we just do God at the fast food window? Drive up, get a blessing, give our offering, listen to worship while waiting for our blessing in line and then drive off?
Or just download it on our Blackberrys and skip the drive altogether. Hey, that way we can pause it whenever we get a text or call.

I'm reminded in saying that, of all the time I go to prayer and two minutes in the phone rings or my kids interrupt me or, or, or, and I snap out of prayer in that nano second and go back to it when I'm done with the distraction. Could i do anything more disrespectful to the Holy Spirit?
I know when someone sets up a meeting with me and then when they show up they are taking calls and texting in the middle of my converstions, I'm so frustrated by that lack of respect.
Well --- there I am - doing that to the great I AM! Forgive me Lord and help me to make time to sit and "soak" with You, alone. Getting my flesh used to not taking those distractions so that You can do the work on my heart that You desire to do, and not in the Fast Food Prayer Line.

Well again this morning i'm reminded how much I need a Savior every day. Not that I don't understand the fullness of His grace and mercy on an eternal level, but that, no, I really don't understand the fullness of His grace and mercy. It is just that, to big, to wide, to great to comprehend in the natural. So humbly this morning I sit quietly in awe once again.

Thank you to all of my brothers and sisters who came out and supported this event last night.
You know who you are and I pray you left with a fuller cup from which to pour on the thirsty!

No there is something about soakin!

Desert Moon

2009-01-12T16:57:00.002-06:00

Back from Tucson AZ this week. Jane and I had a week of R&R. Thanks Beth for the use of your home and car :) We love you.

We just run, walk to the town and shop for fresh food to cook meals each day, read books, listen to our favorite music and tell each other how blessed we are. First day we walked to the store we got about 8 bags of groceries and not until we paid and pushed the cart into the parking lot did we remember that we had walked and didn't have a car to load it all into.

Boy did we laugh as we pushed that cart down the side of the desert roads past all the traffic, looking like a couple of homeless people pushing our cart. We did get a lot of stares as white middle-agers with cart.

I have a two mile path I love to run in the morning around the desert where we stay and there is always lot's of life and death in the sand.

We saw a pair of deer hunting for water one evening and 5 large hawks all hunting together in the desert another day.

I'm always amazed how hot the sun is in upper elevations when the temp is under 40. In the shadows it feels like 40 but in the sunlight it feels like 80 on your skin.

The photo today was a cactus with a bird hole in it. I noticed the moon was out in the afternoon as well and it seemed like a unique combination. I loved the contrasts of the dark/light, moon and bird hole.

Read a great new book called "Leader-Shift" buy one of the founders of Willow Creek. Don Cousins.

Had a great time sharing faith for an hour with an agnostic friend we'd met who represents a famous artists museum. He was from England and had obviously been hurt by the church earlier in life. He was so refreshed to discuss God outside the confines of a religious denomination or set of religious rules. I'm praying he will email me back and we can become friends. What a great guy.

There was another great time in a Cantina having a margarita while ministering to an 82yr old man who had no family and had just lost his wife a few weeks ago after 42 years of marriage.
We went into the cantina at the end of our walk and Jane wanted to sit at a table in the restaurant. I said I wanted to go into the bar and sit at the bar. I love talking to bartenters and you never know who you might meet at a bar. Well there he was. All alone and we found out he'd been there having beer since noon. (It was 5;30). What a great time speaking life into this sweet, lost, broken man. And now we'll see if he responds to my email, so we can continue dialogues of "life". Thank you Lord for opportunities to share your love each day.

Then there was the butcher in the meat market. He looked forlorn and it took about 30 seconds of jokes to get him to laugh behind the counter. Well he laughed and I said "Ok now I can go home, I made you laugh and smile today". He looked at me perplexed and then realized I was serious. You see God works in mens hearts in different ways. We're only called to spread his Love and good fruit. He works the mysteries. Amen.

Repairs, Runnin and Gunnin

2009-01-04T22:46:00.002-06:00

I'm reminded that Fixing things up is not always fun. This photo was my picnic table as I built screens and rebuilt broken glass windows last year. A big sigh of relief at the end, but no fun in the middle of it all when everything is a mess and you've broken more than you were going to fix.

This morning I drove into a church to do worship and my first call was that the alarms were going off and the police had arrived. Second, I didn't have my tenor, soprano or aco. guitar player due to illness and vacations.
My wireless DPA head mic kept cutting out during the rehearsal, The main projector failed and shut off during rehearsal, as usual, some of the band didn't print the chart they were mailed. Then 45min before the service the Sr. Pastor called me to tell me he was very ill and could not get out of bed. The associate pastor was on vacation and the youth pastor was on vacation so I was to make it work. Yee Haa.

So this is life. These are the moments you remember. The last minute changes not the preplanned and smoothing running events. How did we handle it. Did we come unglued? Did we bend or break, run or hide? Did our attidutes suffer with others? Did we begin the blame game? Did we tear down the weak and wounded? Did we build up our teams and lead them with grace.

This really is where our faith is tested. Do we have the strength and confidence in Him to lead and carry us, or are we being a mercenarys driven by the need to "win" for prides sake.

Lord help me more and more each day ask for a humble heart. One willing to share my faults to let others "in" to be more transparent with their issues.

Hope your days of "fixing" and "rebuilding" become ones of great testimony and revelation. Ones you store up to be used in helping others cope with like and similar struggles!

In our weakness He is made strong.

Holy-days

2008-12-27T14:34:00.003-06:00

Well, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from the Olson's.

The photo is from Thanksgiving but it is the last photo I had of the Fam.

Family photos. They are a funny thing. When you are young, you look back and think, "geeze I look so young and geeky or skinny or pimpley". Then you get older and look back at old photos and say, "wow I looked pretty good back, then". :)
Are you laughing yet.
Then there is a time when you begin to think that you look better older than when you were younger. That is the delusional denial taking a foot hold at that moment.

Hey whatever your age, holidays are about family celebrating whatever the holiday is. Christmas for Christians is a very special time, just as Hanukkah is for Jewish friends and Ramadan is for Muslims. For our family, we realize that our faith is our foundation, our source of peace, joy, stability and hope in good and bad times. Without it we would still love each other just as much, we just would not be happy because our hearts would be empty when we left each others presence.
I'm so thankful moving forward into '09 for my precious and faith-full wife, the health of everyone, my awesome children and spouses, precious grand daughter, friends, country, and all who sacrifice of themselves to make life better for others. Thank you Lord, help me to be a better servant.

Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire

2008-12-13T19:28:00.001-06:00

Spent today cleaning house and getting ready for Jane to come home from Tokyo. Started a fire in the upstairs fireplace this morning and tonight it's still burning bright. Our downstairs fireplace has an insert so it blows awesome heat, but I've never put a blower insert in the living room fireplace. With heat what it is in MN in the winter, I should have done it long ago, and maybe this year I'll get a round tuit. :)

Took this pict. of the fire about an hour ago. I'm such a sucker for a good one. They are never the same twice and the smell and sound does something magical to my psyche.
I took out my Gibson and played through all the worship music for Sunday a few times while the new puppy ran around like it was her last hour on earth.
I hope you and yours are finding time to relax this next week for Christmas. It's so easy to overbook and forget to slow down and look for that Star.
I heard Songwriter Michael Peterson had a song that related our lives being the humble "stable" that we are to invite Jesus into. What a concept. cant wait to hear that one. Jesus isn't looking for a proud mansion to be born in. He's the star, not our accomplishments and beautiful trappings and coverings. Jesus help me see you this week in a new and fresh way as I come and worship before You.
If I don't check in before this weekend, Merry Christmas to you all.
He is very fond of all of you!

Communication Changes Thanksgiving

2008-11-29T12:53:00.002-06:00

So from writing in the dirt to carving on stone, to skin and parchment to paper to ether.

We cooked for 20 family on Thanksgiving this year. We always forget someone and always forget to call another dozen friends to invite. We always have enough food for another 10 and one Sr. adult always has to say "we won't go hungry".

Well as we stand over these tables of food in these humble homes we always feel a bit guilty for the other 7/8ths of the world who are in poverty. As I did the dishes and scraped the plates between courses I was thinking that most of the food left on the plate would be a miracle to most the world. I can't help myself from feeling this year after year. The food, the wine, the fireplaces, the comforts, the conversations and yes now the electronics.

When I grew up, there was an age system. The old men and uncles would sit with some form of beverage and smoke and talk about the country. ALL the adult women would be clearing the tables, properly cleaning the dishes, china, crystal and silver and neatly putting it away as they began prepping for the last dessert course and percolator coffee. Packed in the kitchen they would all have aprons on and would be a-buzz with "family" talk.

That moved to a time of dishwashers. Yes silver and crystal still had to be done by hand but the kitchen time was cut down quite a bit and the women would now move to the living room to talk while the men moved to a family room to watch "football" and drink and smoke less.

Kid's used to be sent outside to play football, basketball, duck duck. Or they were sent to kids rooms to play board games or dolls or army or pool or ping pong or twister or whatever the game de'jour of the year was.

That moved to the age of electronics. "Pong" then the abundance of low rez electronic games played on your black and white or colored TV were the rage. Oh to be able to put spin on the "pong" ball. Oooh, Ahhhh.

Well this thanksgiving I realized things have changed.
I wanted to save on time so I bought a box of Duraflame logs for both my wood burning fireplaces. In six hours I only put in 4 logs total. Two each. Well I'm a wood burning guy. I love that smell and the embers "never" look the same twice, but time was the issue. Boy I saved a lot of time and effort not having to have had to run up and down the stairs every hour to re-stoke the fire and then out to the woodshed to get more wood for the inside wood box. Well at the end of the day I was not happy with myself. Easier yes!, but like using coolwhip instead of fresh whipped cream. No comparison. :(

Then there was the revelation of cooking and cleaning. I found myself in the kitchen doing dishes alone. Not a problem, I kind a like it cause I really don't like a kitchen full of dishes when desserts come due. For some reason in my family after a main meal all the women have decided to stay at the table or go to the living room and chat with a table full of plates and a kitchen full.

I figure it must be some kind of female revolt on holidays. It all will get done, but usually by the host family around 9 or 10pm. I can't do this in my home, and I wouldn't ask my girls to get up and do it, so I'll just dig in and git-r-done with whomever wanders into the kitchen to help and ask if the coffee's done.

It was after the dishes were done and before dessert that I realized Thanksgiving had changed.
I peeked into the living room and there it was. Yup, i grabbed a camera and took the shot above. Not in a kids room, or outside, or in a family room. Not a word being spoken amongst them. There were two of my kids and my niece and nephew sitting tightly together in a room full of talking adults. They were silent. Four kids, Four laptops, Four cellphones.
Surfing, texting and talking on their phones.

What in God's name will Thanksgiving, or any other major holiday look like in 20 years?
Will we call it in? Will our kids invite us online for a holographic holiday conference where we'll eat whatever we "want" from our homes and discuss it online?

Will we all sit in our homes and have online game battles from family to family while we look and talk to each other from the ether?
Will the next generation even know what a #2 pencil was?
Will all china, crystal and silver be replaced with some new beautiful biodegradable eco-ware we just use and throw away with the food where it helps break it down for future fuel?

Well here I am, writing a blog, on a wireless laptop on my bed, cell phone and regular phone next to me, remote control, w/less headphones so I can listen to Hell's Kitchen re-runs while typing and my NIV bible next to my pot of high octane coffee.

I guess I can talk about the problem of the future but really, I guess I am the problem.
Forgive me mom, for trying to teach you how to use a computer at 80. I love your letters with stamps and your special handwriting. I need to shut all this off and go write some letters to my kids now.

"The Bark And The Vine"

2008-11-24T11:24:00.000-06:00

When does it begin? That small inauspicious vine that attaches to our tree of life. Silently and slowly it creeps it's way up the trunk with such stunning leaves. It's beautiful and it appears harmless, but it's a covering of the natural.

The natural. "life". It happens.

Somehow we've swallowed the bait that it's not supposed to age. That we are to be untouched. That the measure of a person is how they "appear" not how they "are".

Look at the bark in this picture. It's an old Oak tree in my back yard. It was here when the Native Americans rode horseback by it. If it could talk, I'd be humbled. It is old. It has been weathered by thousands of storms. To the outsider it has character , color, unique cracks and chips. It's Gnarly branches make it one of a kind. But to the tree, I am sure it feels old and tired. It's roots are as deep as it's height and yet it finds it harder and harder to draw water to survive. The day the vine attached itself, I'm sure the old tree had questions, but it was only a little sprig. As years grew on it began to cover the tree with a comfort of shade. People saw the majesty of the tree with the beauty of the covering.
Then without warning, like a lobster in a pot of cold water, the heat was turned up and the water supply to the tree was taken away. Slow death. That's what it brings.

You see that's the lie. We are imperfect, we are fallen, we need forgiveness, we need a savior.

The creeping vine I'll call "the hiding". You might even see the parallel to the fig leaves that covered Adam and Eve.
This vine does not produce fruit. It's purpose is to look beautiful and cover up reality, imperfections, "the natural"
What is it's end game? It covers the light and uses up all the nutrients, slowly killing the tree it wraps itself around.
In the 'nano' speed of life we live today, a slow moving vine seems like nothing to worry about.
But it is.

Covering the natural is sin. Truth is transparent, sin is the covering. I'm guilty as charged.

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves....
Until we cut the vine at it's roots and slowly pull it off of every area of our lives, we will live in bondage and never be able to experience the light and living waters that we are meant to enjoy. But it does mean exposing the bark. That's the rub.

Am I willing to let you see me as I am? Wretched, fallen, weak, addicted, prideful, angry, lustful? Am I these things all the time? It's the bark.
It's the natural, and only by the grace of God, the renewing of my mind by the washing of the Word. Only by the daily confession of my sin and God's promise of the Holy Spirit in my life am I able to be anything else.

Oh sure, I tell myself I'm a good person by judging others "worse than I", and I remind myself I'm beautiful or thinner than others by judging others weight and appearance.
My temper is better than ... My house is cleaner than... I've had more education than.... More life experience than... , and I would "humbly" tell you my ---- doesn't stink. And ---- = poop, if you were wondering. And if you thought it meant another word, then that's one more reason I'm better than you.....

Oswald Chambers the other day said that we all take ourselves to seriously. We all try to look like we're really "deep". Well he reminded me that we should humbly live in the shallows. The ocean has shallows. Our daily eating and drinking, walking and talking are in the shallows.

I say Life and the "natural" are in the shallows.

Chambers said "Determinedly take no one seriously but God, and the first person you find you have to leave severely alone as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.
11/22 "my utmost".

Ouch. That comment was the comment that started me ruminating to begin this blog a few days ago. If I didn't respect Chambers so much, I might have just laughed at the comment. But when someone speaks, who you listen to, you at least listen and pray about it. That's where the Holy Spirit begins to have His gentle way.

His way begins when we cut down the vine. When we are willing to expose ourselves and say "Here i am" "bark and all".

So, where are we in all of this. Are we willing to expose ourselves to each other?
We all look to our leaders for this as our examples. They need to be strong, but are they human. Do they show their bark, or are they so covered in vine that you just ooh and ahhhh every time you see them or listen to them sing or speak or dance or play?

It begins with our leaders. So who are yours?
Are you a parent?........... Then you are IT.

I should stop here but I must say my natural reaction is to bypass my leadership responsibilities and look at and judge "MY" leaders. Oh I feel better now already. Sick isn't it, how quickly we cover our bark.

In churches where I travel and lead worship, I encounter the "vine".
I can see it covering the congregations as they struggle to worship. Struggle to worship because they are so caught up in keeping themselves and their families "bark" covered from all sides, that they are unable to be free to worship.

You see that's my passion. To see people worship. While I'm in this place of leadership, it's my desire, my passion, my precious. Anything that keeps people from experiencing this connection to God kills me. I can't cut the vine for anyone by myself, and really maybe that's what I need to do each week. Begin by exposing MY "bark" before asking anyone else to do the same. God can not heal you or deliver you or fill you with rivers of living water until you humble yourself before Him and man, and then be willing to ask for help from God and each other.

When the word says "David cried out to God", he really cried out to God. No metaphors here! When is the last time we cried out to God as a church as a nation. Not in anger but in humility and brokenness. It begins in our heart, and then in our families, and then together as a family in our churches, and then our neighborhoods and cities. And in this process maybe just maybe we will find that exposing the bark is the best thing we could ever have done. Cymbala's book "secrets of the vine" was a brilliant short book on vines that bear fruit.
I'd say in reverse that "secrets behind the vine" need to be exposed and healed in the light of lights.

In this nation America where I write this blog, we are in a crisis. For those with much, it's a wake up call. For those with little, there is the desire to say "finally they get to hurt a little.
Gimme some of theirs. And those retired union members? Take away their benefits. And those executives? take away their millions." Not because they do or don't deserve it, but because it might make me feel a bit better about my losses.

Who said "who is my mother and father?"
Who said "come as little children?"
Who said " forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me?"

Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

So this thanksgiving, when we go to our families and our churches, let's begin again. Let's cut the vine. Let's be honest, transparent, natural. Let's drop the fig leaves. Let's take a step towards
our friends and family saying. Here I am "bark" and all. Will you still love me? I know my Father does! And in that moment you may feel light and living water pour over your soul in unimaginable ways. Won't solve your life problems, but it will be a monumental step towards revealing the beauty of who you really are.

Remember, no matter what you think or have done, God is very fond of you :)

My President

2008-11-10T23:28:00.000-06:00

My president I voted for twice is leaving and I am sad and thankful for his service and leadership, and my president is now coming and I'm happy and hopeful for he and his family.

What? no partisanship Craig?

Hey I'm an American before I'm a conservative. Look at this photo from this afternoon. Two men in front of a desk that only 43 men have ever sat in, in our nations history.

I get a little choked up even looking at this. For all the bad that Pres. Bush had to deal with trying to enter the white house 8 years ago. (remember the taking off the letter "w" from white house keyboards). Imagine taking all the "B"'s off the keyboards (for "black") before our new President enters? How terrible.
Is there no respect for the office and the man entering it? I guess when you look at how Bush was treated for 8 years in the media (regardless of your personal feelings) you would think that President elect Obama will be getting the verbal shaft even now. Let's not!!

I didn't vote for him, I never could, unless he changed his stance on just about everything, but that doesn't change the fact that he was elected, and at that very moment they called him the winner, he became My President. I will pray for he and his family, I will pray that God will give him supernatural wisdom, and that he will actually seek God's face for knowledge, wisdom and grace every day. I will vote against everything I disagree with, and stand up against any issue that I feel he is supporting that is wrong, but I will not call him names. I will not call him names because he is my president. We may not like each others "sin' but we are instructed to love the sinner above all.

I'm sure within the next four years, there will be a garage full of things I'm unhappy about that President Elect Obama will have pushed into legislation and the courts. I'm sure he will have damaged the military as I see it, and the courts will be more liberal, replacing judges willing to take a look at the constitution and "tweak" it not "trust" it. Hopefully our currency will not have tanked, and we will not have changed our border security, homeland security and attitude towards terrorism to the point that we begin to have events again on our soil. Hopefully we will not have pushed more and more of our businesses over seas from taxation. I could go on and on, but it ends with the same statement. "I pray for and want my president to keep our country strong from invaders at home and abroad, be a good steward of our money before congress, who spend like drunken sailors (ON OUR BEHALF TO GET OUR VOTES).
I pray for unity of our people, that we can stop listening to the voices of descent that want to divide us by race, religion and socio-economic status and begin listening to the voices that speak the truth in love. That tell us the truth, not whatever is necessary to get votes and appease lobbyists.

We will not get a politician to vote for whats "right" until we are able to stop the flow of money and power that makes them vote for whats "right for them to get the voter in their pocket".
Yea, Senator McCain took public financing and has fought lobbyists for decades, but what did that get him? Any respect? Naaaa, just people from both sides saying, hey if he could have made another 40mm using lobbyist and non-profits as Sen. Obama did, he should have!
Well, the best we can do is to pray, do as Jesus instructed us to do "love above all", and humbly be involved in our democracy, standing up for what the Word instructs us to stand up for.
Render to Caesar.....

Holy God

2008-11-06T20:08:00.000-06:00

This morning I was thinking about a church I'm leading worship at this Sunday. It has the largest mix of nations I've ever seen in an actual church. I was thinking about how great it is that people of various nations and languages come and meet in one place each week with different languages and cultures.

As I thought about addressing this group, a worship thought dropped into my heart. We'll I skipped breakfast, wrote it and recorded it this morning and afternoon here at home and here it is for you to get a first draft on. You all know I play and sing everything at home by myself, so the arrangements and vocals are limited to my abilities and range. Hope it blesses you. Link is here and in the index

All of us, in this place
We have come here as one voice to seek Your face
And every tongue and every race
Every heart You have created to embrace

Holy God, here we stand
We lay our lives before Your risen Lamb
Jesus Christ, son of God
With humble hearts we come just as we are
Broken here, Make us new, Just like You.

Take these eyes, let them see
That You love all of creation, even me
For in my sin, and in my shame
You died and rose to give me life again

Holy God Here I stand
I lay my life before the risen lamb
Jesus Christ, Son of God
With humble heart I come just as I am
Broken here, Make me new, Just like you

Wonderful, marvelous, morning star, yes you are
Holiness, righteousness, Yeshua, everything.

Flashbacks From Hell

2008-10-25T13:24:00.000-05:00

Sometimes things remind you of where you've come from and where you are.

The other night my wife Jane and our 11 yr. old son went to dinner.
They wanted Vietnamese food (the best egg rolls in the world) so we went to our favorite "Qui Viet". We've gone there for decades and the owner Neigh Liegh has seen all our children grow up. His manager was working the other night and when we went to the register to pay the bill our son Jordan was making some comment about life not being fair, as he was texting a friend on his phone. The manager, a quiet 60's ish Vietnamese man was at the register taking our bill as he's done a hundred times before. Yet for some reason he was listening to Jordan's comments and all of a sudden he stopped and stared. As in a flashback.

Are you 11? he asked Jordan. Jordan said yes sir while texting on his phone.
You know when I was your age, I wore a white shirt to school each day. We all had to.
(It was like he was lost in a vision of the past as he spoke).
We all wore white shirts and walked the dirt roads for miles to and from school.
My mother used to go out each week and turn over dead children with white shirts on that dirt road. Turning over each body and hoping it wasn't me.

He kinda snapped out of his daze.

When I was your age in the Mecong Delta, the North Vietnamese troops used to come down each day and shoot us on our ways to school and back. Our white shirts on a dirt road made us an easy target. They just loved killing us. Any age, anytime.

Without saying it, he was telling my son that he should never complain about anything!
WOW. I was silent. Jordan was silent. We all were soaking in what we had just heard.

I asked him how life was now, knowing he had been here living in the States for decades.

He looked me in the eyes and said with sad tone, "ok", and he looked away.

Without Jesus, there is no hope. It doesn't matter where you've come from or where you've been, what you've been saved from or blessed with. Without a living faith and a savior, there is no hope or peace or joy.

So I asked myself, how can I help this manager? How can I love him, show him Jesus?
How will anyone?

I suppose I can pray for him each day. Yes, that's a good idea.
I suppose I could continue to go back and maybe give him a gift? a faith neutral record or book or piece of clothing. Try to find someway to let him know I care for him. WHY? To hopefully let him find a way to trust me enough to be honest about his "life". Have you earned the right to speak into the lives of those around you who need Jesus? I've failed over and over.
Lord help me become that person who no matter where they go, they are always thinking, praying, and loving strangers as He first loved us.

Imagine the horrors people have survived around us, who won't talk about it because they don't trust us with their secrets. From the war victims, to the abused, and battered, the addicts and the forgotten. Let love open that door today.

I'm Coming Out

2008-10-24T09:13:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm a registered Republican. Have been for decades. Have I voted for Democrats? Oh yea. Many times. Have I voted Independent? Oh Yes.
Have I ever second guessed my votes later? LOL

Having been self employed for over three decades, and having never had an employer to help me in health, dental or unemployment ins., you would think I'd be "all over" the government giving me insurance i didn't have, or the ability to draw money from being out of work. WOW. I can't even imagine such a thing. I see my friends over the decades collecting unemployment and kinda chilling while they look for work. Yes you or more importantly your employer pays into a fund for you to have that right, but it's success is like the insurance and banking industry, it only survives because of the people who "don't" use it or make claims on it. There's not enough money to take care of everyone. Look at Social Security. We've allowed ourselves to be duped into thinking that you can watch your employer put a dollar of your wages into a S.S. fund that is borrowing to payout out $2 for every one you put in, and somehow magically it will all be there for you when you retire in a few decades. NOT. We have to take care of ourselves. Neither Republicans or Democrats will address this problem. It's to large and there is not enough money to fix it unless like our market bailout, we just print more money and say it's there...

Where and how did we come to the place where our employers and government are our safety blanket? What do they owe us other than llatpoh: "life liberty and the pursuit of happiness". A military strong enough to protect our interests at home and abroad (so we can pursue llatpoh), a federal and state govt. system that allows us to succeed with reward based upon risk, and the ability to practice our faiths and do (for me) what Jesus commanded us to do.

If you're like me, you get unsolicited emails every day from people you know who are excited about something happening in the world around them, and they just have to tell you how they feel.

Well with the election here now, it seems like folks are getting more and more desperate in their verbage. The photo card above arrived in my email box the other day, and it was one of the cutest non damning I've received.

Yes, the world is changing.
The right wing nut case, abortion clinic bombing, gay hating, love-less, Christian preaching divisive folks are about ready to jump out the window (Maybe not such a bad idea ) if the election goes left. Yup, put a lock on your halloween candy and easter baskets folks.

The radical left, the Socialists, the Marxists, the Pacifists and those Americans who really hate what America was founded on, will be happy to re-write the constitution through the courts and thrilled to take over the POTUS and the Congress to finally make America "Fair" and "Social".
That means Govt. has to become the employer for, and hire the above "workers", because none of them have a clue as to how to start, develop, fund, and run a company, except to say their worth in a Marxist sense is being exploited into the profits of their rich employers. Those "with" money will take their businesses overseas to remain competitive. (maybe Ireland or Georgia or China), where there aren't any business taxes and the cost per worker benefits and regulations will allow business to compete in this new world economy. American business will just get more and more drained and "suddenly" the greedy companies will leave the country or go out of business and the millions left with out a job will be going to the govt. for all they were promised, to be taken care of. In a global economy you can't just say "the rest of the world exploits their workers" and then purchase EVERYTHING you drive, eat and wear from them because it's 1/4th the price of the same being "union" made. Geeze, we've gotta wake up.

Which reminds me. When the country crumbles, I wonder if the Attny's will have to begin suing the govt. to make money :) lol, or sue the next country who has cash.

Well we have no one to blame but ourselves. Not our elected leaders, Not our pastors, Not our parties. We supported and let them have the keys to the chicken coup on our behalf. All those independent party candidates have been telling us this for years, and they look pretty smart now. (after all they are just "real" republicans with a libertarian slant) ;0).

Heck, this year you don't even hear a word about the socialist workers party candidates running for president. WHY? Because we already have a pair running. LOL Sorry, I really didn't think that one out ahead of time, it just slipped while I was typing :(

Yup we get what we deserve and what we are willing to fight (love) and pray for.

We are a democracy, and if we as parents have preached and allowed schools and colleges full of new voting generations to grow up to believe in this kind of quazi-social-fairness doctrine change, and if these groups have grown enough in strength to have a shot at trying to have it their way in re-shaping our country, then we are in for some very difficult years ahead, and we've been complicit in the development of it. Lord have mercy.

Sin and greed have created this global, (not just US) financial crisis that is now is growing.
I don't blame it on a "party", I blame it on us, on me. Everyone shifts the blame on someone else. The political parties survive on spinning each conflict each day on their opponents and we just go "Yup".

Man we need to pray, we need to repent for our wasteful excess that we are told we "need". We need to be willing to stand up for our families and do what's necessary to take care of our own families and STOP asking the Govt. to take care of us and them. I suppose that means a lot of unemployed people going to churches and synagogues and back to their estranged families looking and praying for help, advice and council on how to get and start a job or business, how to reconcile with our families so we can live together in times of trouble instead of asking the Govt. to take care of your brother or mother that you don't want to live with or live with you. Ouch.

Politics? Yes as Americans we'll support, and as Christians we'll pray for whomever is elected POTUS. I was sick over Nixon,Carter,Clinton, and now sick over Bush and I still pray for him every day. They are the leaders we put in place, and it's our job to do what we can. And in this mess, prayer is about all we can do beyond taking responsibility for our families and ourselves.

Electing those who want to socialize more and more of our country, and implement the liberalization of our courts and schools (i believe) will have a terrible effect on our future as a nation where I as a Christian desire to live Free to men and Servant to Christ.

CHANGE FOR CHANGES SAKE IS NOT THE SOLUTION.
SOCIALIZING THE COUNTRY IS NOT THE SOLUTION.
RESPONSIBLE REFORM IS A SOLUTION.

Honestly telling the American people that they are gonna have to take care of themselves and their own would be a start. Politicians are gonna have to stop binge spending to give us more and more (for votes) like they are living in a 30min sitcom where nothing is real.

Lot's of govt. jobs will be lost when agencies and programs are cut. Yup that's part of the problem. (Thanks Roosevelt, your intentions were good, but you created a life long problem for a short term crisis and now EVERYONE thinks they deserve a piece).

Thankfully our hope, strength, and joy is not found not in our country but in our Savior.

Tell me what will our country look like in a few years if we de-fund the military and it's importance, de-fund Homeland Security, Give "radical" Muslim factions free reign in our borders to begin what they've begun in Lebanon and across the EU., most likely to see attack"s" again on our soil as a result, defund the US border issues in order to appease the largest new voting block in America. Can you see any long term good in this? Golly, go read the history of Lebanon and what's happened to their democratic "open arms" policies.

If we attempt to fund socialized health care, allow the unions to watch who votes for a union and who doesn't, thereby strong arming workers into unions, which will even more than ever before make our companies less competitive and moving overseasd. Hey how bout a national union !!!.

Let's eliminate some tort reform for the Attorney lobby base, so they can get sue every company with profits for more and more. Let's begin and fund a new Roosevelt-ian public works program to get people back to work, or a Kennedy-ian peace corp, to save the planet. How do you pay for that and how does that teach anyone to take care of them selves or be responsible.. Let's extend workman comp. and unemployment benefits for everyone who "needs" them, for as long as it takes the Govt. to retrain them to another job. Let the Govt pay for everyones college Education because they deserve it. Let's cover everyones bad mortgages and just plain "take care of everyone cause it's the fair thing to do". How does anyone pay for this? You can't. It's not possible. Not possible. (OK end all wars and conflicts and that will pay for it). Nope, that won't do it and that will never happen. There will always be wars and rumors of wars so long as there is sin and greed.

So, so far we've put it on the national credit card and all the other new things that are being promised will go on some national credit card. When will it stop? How will it stop.
Well we're beginning to find out now.
Now before we even have someone willing to add another trillion in "fairness", we are collapsing because of to many entitlements, bad spending and debt.

sidenote: All credit card interest should be capped at 1%d below the bank savings rate. That would solve half our problems because banks would not be able make money on criminal rates to charge 28% to consumers and trap them in debt until they're forced into bankruptcy. Not that is regulation that makes sense. You can't blame banks for going "yee haa" over this loophole, and shareholders don't care about morality or "people", only profits.

The latest economic "rescue"? It's shameful, Socialist, and I pray reversible. It happened with a Republican President. (how ironic is that.) I know my democrat friends are cheering over this and feeling pretty good about cursing Bush even more now :) The only thing my democrat friends are thanking Bush for is that because 911 happened on His watch and the country has experienced this crisis, it all but seals the POTUS and Congress for them in this election session.

Think about this...

Can you imagine how bad Bush/Cheney must feel, as conservatives, temporarily socializing the markets to try to help solve this crisis?
At least if it had been a Democratic President during this, they would have been a bit happy at the socialization of the system and we all would have gone "SEE, I told you he was a dirty rotten Socialist". Republicans would have been lighting torches and pitchforks. At least now they know no Republican would desire to do this on purposed. In a weird way, that's probably a good thing it was a republican doing this. (although personally I'm against the Rescue package at any costs).

Hey on the other hand if a Democratic President was forced by economic conditions ; (the failing of our businesses and jobs due to CHINA'S ability to out produce us and do it cheaper) to drop all corporate taxes, and personal tax rates, privatize S.S., lower W.Comp., eliminate all worker unions to keep businesses from leaving the country and save the job base from going to developing nations, and if because he slept on our military we had to drop nuclear weapons on a rogue nation that was able to develop and to launch at will for Jihad. What would we say then?
Ahhh. If it was a Republican we'd cry "foul". Right wing, big business, war mongers....
But if it was a Democrat POTUS, we'd be saying "geeze he screwed this all up, but we wouldn't cry foul cause we know he'd be doing everything he "doesn't" believe in. d

Well with all this said, a correction in our markets, spending and lifestyles was and is due.
No matter how bad it gets, we still live better than any other nation and have a system by which we can come back faster in open markets.

Greedy people from any side, need to be regulated, not overtaxed, and not over regulated to the extent of eliminating their ability to do business here instead of moving and working their businesses off shore. I think we need to live on less and pay cash. Yup, (Thank You Dave Ramsey) that concept alone will crush our markets and take us into recession, but we're there anyway and might as well bite the bullet and get our families and priorities back on solid footings instead of "credit" at 28%..

And OIL? Forget bailing out wallstreet.... Drill Baby Drill, Dig Baby Dig, Nuclear, Hydro, build it all. IT'S JOBS and OUR FUTURE. Spend a trillion on coal, nat. gas, wind, solar, bio, and anything else we can develop HERE to create business and new jobs HERE, the old fashioned way. It will bankrupt the money pipeline to those who hate us and re-strengthen our own economies.

Who loses the most in this if we just ask for handouts and spreading the wealth? Everyone loses. And the more you love the world the more you'll be a loser. In this world you will have trouble, but He has overcome the world and He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world. Pray for wisdom as you vote, and pray for mercy

Do You Love The World?

2008-10-17T11:46:00.000-05:00

My wife was "Miss Fridley" a few years ago :) Our oldest daughter was a Fridley Princess a few years ago. There are two tieras in our china cabinet in memory of these years. The photo here is last year at the Miss Fridley Pageant. I've MC'd it for a few years now. I guess it's kind of a family deal. Marissa has played Harp at it for years as well. Jane's been on the board for decades on and off. Why do I say this?
This morning in Elk River MN I heard an evangelist from Argentina. His message was one of "love". Love for the world. Marketplace Transformation was his mission. Cities being transformed.
Ya, ok, so, what are you saying?
Well he laid out scriptures that God loved and died for "nations" and for the "world". We are included in that but in the greater picture it was for "everything". If you are a believer, you are to give grace and truth in the world. His message was multi-leveled. He said the "church" has reversed this message. It gives truth before grace. In other words, we use truth to judge the world to hell, and if it changes, we give grace. Geeze that resonated with me.
Over and over he showed the bible stories where God put men and women into the world to reconcile it to Himself. Noah, Abraham, Joeseph and Jesus to name a few.
His basic message was that we must love the world and see it as God does "a place He's made the ultimate sacrifice for". And that we should visualize the world as forgiven. Believing, loving, supporting and sacrificing for those "lost" as if they are "found". Doing what Jesus did. Loving not judging. Healing not hurting, delivering not entrapping.
Praying for change in our world by "being" the change. Getting the respect of the world by the way we love and live, so that we can earn the right to speak into the lives of those hurting around us. He said "If the grace bestowed upon you is not turned around and bestowed on others by you then you are wasting the very grace you've been given". Ouch.
Love the world that God commands us to love, that He gave His life for. Don't judge it, have grace upon it. Draw it nigh unto Him through you. Imagine a community or business or neighborhood where non believers respect and look up to believers!!!! How big of an impact would that be.
Lord forgive me for being complicit in any judgement of those I should be loving in my world. My enemies, my gay next door neighbor, the unmarried couple next door, the minister separated from his wife on my street, the old curmudgeon two doors down who absolutely hates modern worship, and tells me to my face, the Vietnam Vet who walks his dog each day and never talks to anyone. My divorced neighbor raising 5 girls, the multiple Hispanics on my block raising chickens and roosters in my suburban neighborhood. God what can I do develop relationships with these people -- so -- that when they are hurting or I want to invite them to a meeting some day, they will trust me enough to say "sure" Craig. Boy I've failed in that one so far. Forgive me Lord, they ARE the great commission. Amen.
Have a blessed weekend.

Give Me Your Tired & Your Poor

2008-10-16T13:25:00.001-05:00

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/stance.asp

This morning I received an email about a claim against Senator Obama, and a comment. The above link, shows the history of this statement. It was written in a satire piece by John Seeman at Semi-News and unfortunately copied and emailed out as fact. Humans do that. They read or hear something by one person and before checking it out, claim it as fact and tell everyone it's the gospel truth. Ironically, that's kinda like sermons. Nobody wants to check out anybodies facts anymore. Unless it directly affects their job or character or party, they receive it as gospel. How many times has your pastor told you to go read his message, study it and make your own decision. How many times have we done it?

This is election season. The sins of "all of us" complicit in over spending, is being blamed on one party or another instead of "us" the potential "voter", who needs to be pacified and guaranteed free everythings. Free everythings, from tax breaks to college to homes to health care, to housing, to food, to free money, extended unemployment benefits, free job training, free immigration, and all for just being good people. All to get your vote and keep it, and followed by "the rich can pay for it all" on the left, or "Get another job and pay for it yourself" on the right.

For any public servant I vote for, I ask myself the following.

1. Who are they,
2. How's their family life,
3. What is their personal and life history,
4. Who are their friends and allies,
5. Who are their mentors,
6. Who are their hero's,
7. Are they people of faith, (and what fruit does that show)
8. What is their job history,
9. Who have they led,
10. Who and what have they managed,
11. Can they admit they are wrong,
12. Can they work with others who don't agree with them,
13. During their life, have their personal choices been about themselves or others.

Aside from "researching" (which is not reading or watching the news cycle spin) about each candidate,
each person is a different combination of liberal,independent and conservative, so each of us has political questions based upon our core values. We know that every politician plays to the base and waffles for independent votes, yet somehow we dilute ourselves into thinking they are all different.
So, I say base your opinions on the above 13 questions over the "party hard issues". that are crammed in our faces 24/7.

Leaders are not educated by schools, but by life experience and the choices made in them.
They do not do the work, but they, with wisdom and knowledge, lead their leaders, and hopefully make wise Godly decisions based upon the choices given by the team's they assemble and lead (for better for worse).
From local government to POTUS, the questions are the same. Do they have a history of looking out for their constituents and or everyone, or their personal groups. It's generally the latter for all of them cause that's how they get elected. So then how do we choose if they all are for their special groups. Well, I think again the above 13 questions deal with "pre political" life, before they were party machines and pray those qualities will help them regardless of party.

And lastly, since they live here, in this country, with all it's glory and all it's warts, do they love it.
Do they love the country that has shed it's blood for the freedoms it maintains and the freedoms of others around the world. Do they understand the price, the cost and the benefits. Would they die for the country that let's them live in it free? Then they deserve our respect whether we vote for them or not, regardless of party, or sex or race or religion. If they don't,... then they don't and would be better off living outside the U.S. and embracing another experiment in living.

As for placing the blame? Well, we are all guilty, each and every one. "Ouch"
*We elected them all, (*yes a no vote is a vote), and ate the cake they baked us cause it tasted good.
Well it looks like we all are trying to throw up our bad debt and blame it on someone else now.
There is no personal responsibility during election season.
We pay our taxes (if we make enough), so that we can wash our hands of personal responsibility.
We've let the government coax us into believing that our personal responsibilities are theirs, if we will just give them enough money. They can take care of our parents, our retirement, our health care, our children's moral and ethical values, higher learning, They, not us , will take care of the hurting, broken, disenfranchised and.....

My questions today:
Should Govt. be allowed to replace the responsibilities of the home or the church?
Can I keep feeding my luxuries and be part of change?
Will a 100 fold return on my giving solve it all?

And really, what does America owe me?

"Give me your tired and your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to be free."
"Sound's like something Jesus would say".

Everything

2008-10-06T18:11:00.000-05:00

Speak to each other with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for EVERYTHING, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Eph. 5:19-20.

This was the sermon text yesterday morning at church. By the end of the sermon I had an idea for a praise tune based upon the principle of giving thanks in all circumstances, at all times.
Easy to do when things are "golden", but it only gets harder as life piles up the garbage.

I finished writing it this morning and recorded it today at the house. Hope it blesses you today. It a mix of a few old grooves.
Click this link. EVERYTHING

I wanna reflect You everyday
In every way I work and play
I wanna thank you thank you thank you Lord Jesus
In everything I say and do
May it edify only you, only you
Jesus, Jesus I love you Lord Jesus

God I thank you for everything
God I thank you for everything
I will praise you in everything
May your will be done, on earth as in heaven

Everything that comes my way
Whether it's good or bad I want to say
Thank you Jesus, Thank You, Thank you Lord Jesus
I have nothing left to fear
Resurrection power is here
I want to praise you, praise you, praise you Lord Jesus

Photo above was taken at a pastors retreat at Giant's Ridge Golf and Ski Resort in N.Minn.

Once I was lame...

2008-10-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

My friend Rick had his bus diesel engine run away for a while yesterday. They can blow up, and he sounded pretty scared for awhile.

FEAR. What an emotion. It can keep us alive from making stupid decisions, but it can be manufactured from past experiences that we either brought on ourselves or were thrust into.

I tried to remember a time when I was truly in fear. I could only remember being lost in a shopping mall as a kid (3 or 4), and the fear of looking around and not finding my parent. That is a feeling you don't ever forget. Funny but I can still visualize it. Then I remembered being lost in the woods (while fishing) a few times and how Fear brings Panic. It was the same feeling as the shopping mall.

When we say we have been born again. That we have a renewed mind and an enlightened spirit. When we say "all things are new" and "He set me free", does that clean up our past?

Well I found this picture the other day from 1960. It was the day I was taken out of 6 months of isolation in a hospital, and allowed to go home and spend my life in a wheel chair. I remember that day of feeling "set free". Forget a future life in a chair, I was just happy to be able to go outside, let alone go home and see my family. Well a miraculous healing 4 years later would set me free from the wheelchair for life, but I wonder at times what kind of residue those years left on my subconscious thoughts and the way I respond to life.

Our family helped raise upwards of 100 foster children over our lifetime, and I do know that i observed kid after kid with mental, physical and sexual abuse. My history pales in comparison to any of those kids who were broken and abused, and I often see their faces and think of how any of them could live a normal and healthy life or marriage with their pasts. I wonder how many entered marriages with the mountain of hidden problems unknown to their spouses.

Jesus is the only solution for mans eternal salvation. He is the only one who can heal the broken heart, mend the torn and tattered fabrics of our souls. And yet with all that God promises us, I'm broken hearted so often to see believer after believer growing older while carrying heavy baggage for their entire adult lives around on their souls. Never finding release. Born again, Spirit filled and trying their best to "not go to their pasts" but ending up returning to their past sins, addictions or letting them eat and destroy their very joy. Are you there. Still broken, Can't forgive, Can't forget?

Well you have to, if you want to move on.

Like the main character in the new book "The Shack", you come to a place where you have to forgive or you will slowly die from the inside out.

FORGIVENESS is the first step to HEALING.

Scars? Oh yea, they are there. Healing doesn't eliminate scars. Scars are a good thing.

I wrote a song years ago about a father who tells his son about a scar on his leg, and that scars are in our lives to remind us of what we've come through and do not want to repeat again.

Quiet prayer, concentrated prayer, fasting and seeking Gods face to "face" our pasts and let them go is the first step into the inner healing so many of us need. And it's an ongoing process. I believe God helps us deal with our issues a bit at a time so we don't completely freak out.

Lord today bring to mind just one of my unhealed wounds that I might take it to you finally and let it go to, begin that road to healing. Help me to be sensitive to not reproduce my faults into the lives of those I love and look after. Thy Kingom come, Thy will be done....

That's How You Lived

2008-10-01T16:54:00.001-05:00

The photo is here was taken in Charleston S.C. during dinner one day close to sunset at a restaurant on the harbor.

Well, Yesterday morning I was praying and reading when this worship thought dropped into my head. I demoed it this morning and here's your chance to get a first listen.
Click on this link and open your player.

Hope your week is going well. We are in the throngs, like many of you, wondering how the economy is going to make things even more difficult in the flesh. It is our only comfort and hope to know we have a different long term goal, and it's not here. So.... We'll take what the world throws us and chalk it up as lessons on the road to home. Hope the worship tune ministers to you all.

Help Me Lord Jesus
To be strong and kneel down
To pick up the weapons
of Your world -- not mine
To love those who hate me
And forgive those who hurt me
Heal the broken hearted, the forgotten and scorned

Cause that's what You did
And that's how You lived
You gave up Your life
For one such as this
And I want to live
with reckless abandon
To love without thinking
Cause that's how You lived.

Help me Lord Jesus
To stand without falling
To walk without running
through every storm.
For the courage to lay down
My life at the altar
My dreams and desires
Will all become Yours.

God Bless Humpty Dumpty

2008-09-24T12:11:00.000-05:00

This last week as we are allowed to peek behind the economic curtain and see how badly greed has captured our fair system, I'm reminded of Humpty Dumpty. I pray our markets do not fall off the wall and yet that is the price we pay for not being good stewards.

You can not legislate greed and fairness but you can put penalties in place if you do get greedy. Let's pray that there is enough fear in politicians hearts today to at least try to do the right thing for the people as the U.S. attempts to correct this historic problem.

If my people, who are called by my name...

God always has conditions for us to receive His promises and yet we continue to believe we can get it our own ways and then be upset when things go south.

Lord forgive us for our selfish ways and for being such bad examples to the lost and dying world around us that "only" desires to live for "more" of the what the world offers. And we are here so often showing the world that we are addicted to the same idols. Help us to seeks self-lessness over selfishness. Pray for our nation.

Here I Am

2008-09-08T02:46:00.000-05:00

Here I am,
Inviting You today.
In my live,
In every place in every way
Holy Spirit take control,
As I raise my hands to pray
I give my body mind an soul
A sacrifice this day.

Here i am, all for You
Wash me clean
Make me new
I worship You
The redeeming Lamb
Returning King
The Great I Am

Well it's about 3AM and i again realize what a night owl I have been for 35 years.
I love writing and recording into the morning hours.

The photo today is a rocker my mom gave me years ago for our daughter when she was born. It got pretty banged up and broken, but instead of throwing it away, I've used it as a flower pot and yard art various colors.

Today we checked out a new church and then Jane and I took Jordan to play paintball (woods and speed) for the rest of the day. What fun he has getting black and blue doing this! And tonight I went for the second straight night to hear a revivalist here in mpls. The worship both nights did not reach me but Doug Stanton the minister was just incredible in his sensitivity to ministering to each group. Tonight while he was ministering I had a new song come to me in that sweet place. The lyrics are above and here is a link to the first recorded version of it from here at the house tonight.

http://www.praise2worship.com/mp3s/HereIAm.mp3

What struck me as Doug ministered was how it begins with our confession and willingness to hear from God that opens His ability to work through us in all areas.
The line "Here I Am" came to me as a confessional opening line to worship.
Lord Here I Am. It begins with submission, humility and an invitation to our very cores.

Hope you all had a great weekend.
Doug Stanton is ministering in Brooklyn Center, Thurs-Mon. now at 7:30 till 10?
It is 5 fold ministry for the faint of heart, but his teaching and ministry the two nights I've seen him were sweetly spoken and rarely did he even raise his voice. "wow" how un-evangelistic. And he didn't tell even "one" joke.

I loved his heart to move the program according to what the Spirit was doing and leading. The program was different each night. His deal is not to have a church and steal folks from other churches, but to be a revivalist and "revive" folks and send them filled up and back to their local churches.

With all that's going on in Lakeland FL with Todd and his wife, revivals are not a hot topic to many folks today, but I was blessed to go and sit and get fed just watching people be set free in an open setting. hmmmm. God is good, and his methods to reach people continue to bless my heart and keep my eyes wide open.

I was so planning to hit the trout waters of WI in 3 hours but writing and recording a new worship song trumps just about anything. Hallelujah, be blessed and as with all my tunes, feel free to download them and send them on to others.
C

Lord Reign Forever (and begin in me)

2008-09-05T15:08:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about a song I wrote a few weeks ago over at church. I was worshiping at home and playing it on guitar when I realized that I needed to double the chorus, and give it a less smooth jazz vibe and more of an acoustic worship tune. Click here for a listen . (Let me know if it works for you).

Well the State fair is over now and all the diets are in order to attempt to shed the "food from a stick". I must admit that this year was the first year in about 10 that I went to the fair to see some friends of mine do a concert. AND I did have my old "2 corndogs" just like old times. Corn-fession is good for the soul.

Political conventions are also over now and the "red meat" has been thrown, so I expect 60 days of bitter commercials pitting one group against the other, and both in the name of God. I go back to portions of Greg Boyd's "Myth of a Christian Nation" and remind myself to pray for my enemies (politically and socially) and change my life first with unconditional love (until they threaten my family or nation).

I believed in states rights, gun rights, less government and non-legislative judges long before I found out they were a specific party platform. So I guess i'm a life long quazi independent conservative,with libertarian leanings who wants the planet taken care of, not used up. If you dirty my trout streams I'll come looking for you!

Abortion and Gay Rights have polarized the nation for over 30 years now and I just pray that "Each Individual" will have a "love" change in their hearts and "not" ever desire to have an abortion of one of God's precious children, as well as love my gay neighbors enough to let the love of Christ expose the truth in them and me. God has to do the changing. As for the Marriage Ammendment, it's of Judo-Christian history (the concept of marriage 'one man one woman') and it should never be "legislated" changed. If gay couples or hetrosexual couples living outside of marriage want to have "social rights" like insurance or hospital visitation rights then let the states individually decide and vote on it. If they want to name a commitment between themselves "Togethered" and go get "togethered" then have at it, but don't mess with the constitution of marriage. I agree that believers should not be in the business of judging nonbelievers by believers standards, but there has to be standard moral laws that we agree upon as a nation. That's why we are "NOT" Europe. "OR" the Muslim Nations.
Ok I'll do my best not to bring up politics for some time now. But with all we're going through right now, It's important that we discuss our hearts.

Pray for the independants. They will make this election sway one way or another. They need wisdom to weed through the lies and lunacy of the media and party hardliners.

Let's all tune up our snowmobiles and get some Caribou stew:)

Underneath The Ripples

2008-08-28T12:21:00.000-05:00

Fishing in the Tuesday morning fishing club this last week, my partner left around noon. It looked like such a perfect morning for big browns, but alas nothing landed over 14 inches. I decided to take one last hike to the first big bend and pool corner at "paradise" on the Root River. There was a nice 30 yard stretch up to a big submerged rock with a little ripple on top, and a deep 45degree bend in the river with a deep pool past that. I kept thinking that I was gonna pull a nice brown out from around that rock if I could just present her the right pattern/depth and drift.

Well, I picked up a nice 14 inch brown on a #14 cream CDC emerger pattern. The cast was a long 40ft up stream past the rock and "pow". Then another 11 inch after that on a stonefly pattern.

The wind was blowing this whole time and I kept concentrating on the rock ahead and moving further into the middle of the river to get a better cast angle. Well I'm in up to my thighs (slow water) in small rock and sand and decided to change flys. So I looped up my line, cut a fly and as i was about to tie on a pheasant tail pattern the wind died down completely and I could see the bottom of the river ahead of me as clear as can be. I stared into the water with my polaroids and then stared again.
It was at that moment I realized that 10 feet in front of me and 5ft down in the water were 20 to 30 brown trout in the 12 to "20 inch range all together in a feeding lane. I just stood there for 5 min. and watched them feed. Of course I tied on a big weighted stonefly pattern to get down there in a hurry and tempt the larger trout only to catch the only rock in the bottom of the feeding lane on my first cast. God has a sense of humor. Of course I had to move forward and disgourge the fly from the rock and watch that lunchroom scatter for safer waters.

I say this this morning to remind myself that when there are winds blowing and waves on the water, it might appear as if there is nothing good insight, when in fact if we'd just slow down and wait, we might just find that God has something remarkable sitting right under our feet. It could be healing, new friends, ministry opportunities, job opportunities or possibly God just letting you know that in this world you will have troubles, but he can and will make good out of every situation and opportunity around you even if you can't see it, or even if someone else gets to catch the fish that day. :)

My Soul Finds Rest In God Alone

2008-08-23T11:11:00.000-05:00

Ps.62:1 My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.

This photo is of a sunset 8/21 in Lanesboro, MN. Jane took me there to our favorite B&B for my birthday, to chil-axe for two days. We have found a place on an old farm that has been rebuilt into a psudo 18th century French garden on the outside and palace on the inside. I will share other photos of this property and gardens in the weeks ahead here.

God wants us to find places of rest. In this world of distractions, it is where we come to find him when all becomes still. We are instructed to find a closet to pray for the same reasons. Not because God likes us literally in the dark, but because he knows our propensity to be distracted by every possible sight and sound and smell that takes us in a thousand directions away from prayer at any nano second, and silence and darkness help to take those things away.

It's one of the reasons I desire to have sanctuary lights go down in a service when the worship moves from praises, to worship, prayer, stillness and listening for His still small voice.

Entertainment understands this. You can't go to a movie, or a play, or dance, opera or concert without the lights being dimmed. They want to you focus and not be distracted. How is it that much of the church has not figured this out yet.

I was recently at a church that seats a few thousand. A real praising church. When I arrived they were in the process of eliminating all the ceiling light bulbs with tube/vapor/incandescent lights that took a minute to turn on and off. They were doing this to save on electricity. They wanted to become a worshiping church, not just a praising church. In the midst of trying to figure out how, they were taking away one of the large tools used to create an atmosphere of worship in a service.

Many of the Mosaic services use only candles, rugs, incense and earthy backdrops to help create this atmosphere for believers. Like the early tabernacle, only the lights of candles (the holy spirit) were able to illuminate the priest in the holy of holies with the fragrance of incense or sacrifices raising up to Jehovah's nostrils as a sacrifice of "worship".

So today let's decide to find that secret place, that quiet place more often. Force ourselves to take that time. Tell our children that we need that time alone with God, to be able to be the best we can for them and the world around us.

It is in those places that we become still and find that "still-perfect-peace", that passes all our understanding and helps up keep our faith and trust in him through every God encounter of every day.

I can sit and stare at that sunset above, and in the silence be reminded that there will never be another one just like that for me to view. Each one's new. New every morning. Given as a gift as if to say, "Look and see my child, I love you again today, accept this gift and share it with Me".

Selah.

Friends

2008-08-19T16:17:00.000-05:00

Long before the great war, there were a handful of guys who played basketball out in the snow at 8years of age. They grew up together to play in a H.S. state final. Then off to war at 17 & 18 they went. Coming home to go to college, struggle to raise families and find a way to be all God meant them to be in this land called America.
They didn't talk about themselves much, or their accomplishments unless in private amongst themselves. That's the way it was. They respected each others faiths, and that was just a part of what deepened their connections. My father was diagnosed with Lung Cancer (asbestos from Naval Ships) that went to his brain.
The photo above is just a couple days before my father gloriously flew off to serve and worship at his final station. (a phrase the military uses in services). This photo is a permanent reminder to me of true friendship.

You see when my father shook his head and said no to food, he let us know he had started that final clock. When he was to 4 days without water and we knew he had just a day or two left, my younger brother Akevia said something profound to me. "Craig why don't we call dads best friends and give them the opportunity to come say goodbye while dad could still see, hear and blink yes and no". Well most had died already but I thought, what an awesome opportunity to say goodbye to a friend. So I called "Roger" and suggested it to him. Without finishing my statement he said he would be there within the hour. Well less than an hour later (without dad knowing about) his two oldest friend poked their heads around the door frame of his bedroom.
Dad had not moved in a week and at the sight of his "pals" his eye's shot open and a makeshift smile cracked on his face as 'with all his might' he raised both arms up to give the honored thumbs up to them. I've never been so honored to sit in a room amongst men who quietly loved each other beyond comprehension. No sad comments, they sat telling me stories about my dad that i had never heard. Stories that 'as they told me' they would look at my dad and laughingly say "finally Paul we get to talk about you without you stopping us or talking back".
Oh the stories. Oh the friendship. Oh the goodbye, of knowing you would never see your friend again this side of glory. A hug a kiss and a stare while being able to tell them you love them and look forward to seeing them soon. I can remember the look in my dads eyes as they left the room. All emotions wrapped up into a remarkable stare that could not shed tears any longer. No water remained for that in his system. - There I saw uncommon love -

At my local Emmanuel C.C. church "a large A.G. congregation of 4k plus", the Sr. and Founding pastor has turned the church over to his son Dwight. One of the things I love about Dwight is his honest and straight forward look at life and faith. He developed a bookmark for the church. It's called

"5 FRIENDS"

It has a list of five blanks where you are to write down the names of five of your best friends who are not saved. It's a reminder of a number of things.
1. We need to pray for the lost (those we love)
2. We need to have relationships with them (the lost) in order to be the hand and feet of Christ to them.
3.We need to pray for others and not just our own needs.
4. We need to be ready in and out of season, to share the Love of Christ in word and deed to a lost and dying world.

I so love this card because it reminds the church that if you don't have 5 non-saved people in your life to pray for and love on, then you're probably not having much success in accomplishing the great commission.

You may not have "5" and are wondering how do I get "five".
Ask the Lord to give you a burden for them. To bring them to your mind.
It could be someone you know or someone you work with. Or someone who services your car, or a favorite waitress or local police officer. The point of it is that we intercede on their behalf before the father for mercy and grace to be given in enough measure to break their hearts open to the effects of the cross. If you truly knew that someone loved you without measure or condition, you would want to know why and it would be hard to say no to such love.

Who are your 5?

I'm looking at mine right now and asking the Lord to forgive me again today for each day I forget to pray for my five, and call them and let them know I love them and want to be in their lives because they are special to me.

I leave for a funeral now of my brother in laws 21 year old nephew who died in a freak motorcycle accident. In fact it is also the nephew of the pastor I was just talking about. Pray for their family as they begin the unimaginable road to healing.

love you all!
C

A Trap Lies In His Path

2008-08-18T14:05:00.000-05:00

Job 18:10 A noose is hidden for him on the ground; a trap lies in his path.

As the sun came up one morning on the river, I snapped this photo of a web being exposed by the morning light and dew. Yes Light exposes darkness if we let it.

As we negotiate the rivers of life we will come upon slippery stones, sinking sand and muck, unseen drop-offs, dangerous currents that look normal to the eye, and on and on. If you focus on one thing you get tripped or caught by another. If you go to slowly, you'll never catch a fish or find much in the journey because you're afraid of stumbling. If you go to fast you most certainly will scare the fish away, and you will get hurt.
We don't think of the branches, or trappings above, but they can ruin your day or life as quickly as the things below your feet. You say "well forget it, I'm staying out of the water then, it's too much risk for such little reward". Yup, that answer would mean you do not have the passion to put up with the risk/reward of stream fishing with a long rod.

I'm sure most hunters of big game could tell this same story in a different way, as it relates to the dangers of hunting in the wild and how life can be in danger at any moment.

What in life do you have enough passion for that you are willing to risk your life in peril, for what would appear to be a small reward to most?

Your own life, Your kids, Your spouse or family, Your pets, Your job,Your hobbies, Your prize possessions, Your faith?

Are we willing to die to the things we live for, in order to live with the things we died for?

I think it is so funny at times that we really believe that "holding on to our desires for anything" will make us happier than giving them all back to the one who gave them to us in the first place. Somehow thinking that we, with great pride, own what was given to us in the first place is some form of righteous thinking that can be justified by our words to each other. Whether it's our children, or talents or possessions or positions, we grab tight and say "ITS MINE". "Ok, you make your own dirt from scratch and then we can talk about what 'you' own". Yaaa, that would be a good teeshirt for me to wear to remind myself of my personal stewardship of everything He's blessed me with.

But that begs the question at any given time in life. What is mine. What is my responsibility. What should I "really" do? What direction should I turn now?

The "If I --- then this" can freeze you in the river.

Study the stream, read about the pitfalls, know you will have some, remember where you got in and what it looked like, keep a compass, wear the proper gear and try not to go alone where you know it is dangerous.

Life is so much easier if you have good sound advice (that you listen to), and you take it.
Life is so much harder when we take un sound advice and then blame the river.

Unsound River Advice:

You'll be a failure in the river, so don't go
You are a failure and you better admit it or you don't deserve to go in the river.
You need to fish just like me or get the heck out of the river.
Dress like a fisherman or don't go in the river.
Use the same bait or fish with someone else.
Slipping and getting wet doesn't count unless you go all the way under.
If you see a fish, you can catch it.
It's all in your knowledge of the tackle.
He with the most tackle catches the most fish ;)
The rocks are not slippery if you tell them not to be.
Different branches along the river will not catch your line or make you mad when 'you' throw your line at, and get yourself caught up in them.
You can always catch fish the same way and in the same place.
Fish bite when the sun is shining.
Fish don't bite when the weathers bad.
Beat a fish with a bait and sooner or later they'll bite.
Presentation means very little.
Guides are the answer, let them do the work.
The wading belt is not as important as the wading staff
If you put back a ''19 trout you'll get 1,900 more.
A sucker is born every day. (they are hatched actually)
Find the widest path to the river, it's proven success.

Ok, I've been all over the map on this blog today, but I hope you got something to laugh at, rejoice in, disagree with or chew on. Bottom line is: In this world you will have trouble, so get over it. Just remember He has overcome the world and left us all His promises in His path and each other to love and walk them with.

The Shack

2008-08-16T10:54:00.000-05:00

Well, a friend called me two days ago crying. He was reading a book and stopped long enough to call me and beg me to leave my house, pick up a copy of this book, read it and call him back.
Yes, i ran over to Target which had them in paperback at 11.99 with a 20% discount. Yee haa.

Ok, Fiction is not my thing, and since "This Present Darkeness", I've not really been interested in any fiction outside of movies. I say give me 2hr's in a movie of a 6hr. book and let's call it entertainment. That gives me 4 hours to do something more productive with my entertainment hours like the food network or "how it's made" or tennis/r. ball/fishing or golf with the boys.

Well, at 4PM yesterday I opened the book, and with a few distractions I finished before bed. As much as G. Boyds' "Myth of a Christian Nation" changed how I frame "politics and religion", and "My Utmost for His Highest"daily blows my mind in it's ability to be "alive" with truth year after year, this book gave possible answers to questions that I've only begun to chew on today. In fact I must now get a hard copy of it and begin highlighting and logging into my computer the dozen upon dozen's of statements that blew my mind. Fiction or not, the answers spoken of in this work will challenge your religious upbringing's vision of it all. Not the truth mind you, but how you see it and relate it. Yes this is the book i want to give to every person searching for God who is afraid of the Bible and all "we" have made it represent through the ages.

The fact that the writer dig's and quotes old Bruce Cockburn songs won me over as well. In fact there is a line "dew reflects the morning glow" that had to subliminally come from Cockburn's "Mirrors reflect the days last glow, as we spin out ore the jigsaw flow".

With that aside, I would be very happy to hear from anyone who reads this and then reads "The Shack".
Since I can not discuss anything from the book so as not to spoil it's affects for those about to embark, I look forward to future conversations about it's content.

There is only one Bible, One Word of God, One Saviour. This book certainly confirms this in a way never done before. And like Jesus it is inclusionary, not exclusionary.

MN State Fair starts this week, so begin the pre-fasting to prepare for the "on-a stick", in all it's splendor.

PS. God is very fond of you. :)

God's Spirit, Yes it's Holy, by golly it is the Holy Spirit.

2008-08-08T12:20:00.000-05:00

The other morning I dropped Jane at the airport at 5:30AM and headed to the Rush River, East of Elsworth WI for a few hours of fly fishing. The sun was just coming up as I headed through the farm fields of W. Wisc. I took this photo at 55mph (saving gas) out my window as the fog was covering the fields and the sun was doing it's Best Ever sunrise each day. Thank you God that nothing in life is duplicated when You make it. PS. if you click on any of the photos in this blog, some of them will open into their "full" size to be viewed more properly. This one is great:)

Ok on to the Holy Spirit. I've spent the last week re-reading the histories of the mainline denominations from the Reformation on. From Luther, through, Wesley, Calvin, Arminius, Revivalists, Holiness, Remonstrants, Anabaptist, Purists, General Baptist, Particular Baptists,
Wesleyan, 4 Square, Covenant, EV Free, Pentecostal, ECC, UCC, Methodist, Nazarene and then the "hundred" or more break offs from there.

As exciting is it is to see the visions and great lives of faith lived, it can be depressing that men have gone to such great lengths to Major in the Minors of faith. Billy Graham led a convention in 1974 in Switzerland, to unite churches back to the vision of global (that means neighborhoods also) missions. The statement that came out of that, as well as a follow up conference in Manila were (i thought) some of the best "uniting" statements made cross denominational lines. With the exception of Statement #14 on the Holy Spirit; which was given the "non confrontational" you can tell it's in a life by the fruit", the document is my current statement of faith. These documents can be read at http://www.praise2worship.com/newlife.htm along with the following explanation of the Holy Spirit's power in a believers life.

As to #14 God's Spirit, the Holy Spirit, Part of the Trinity, there has been so many centuries of un-needed infighting. I've held for years that once a person is born again:saved,reborn,washed in the blood,sanctified, that God's most Holy Spirit enters that person. It is how our spirits connect to God's Holy Spirit by the shed blood of the lamb. Without this process of sanctification we can have no contact with God or the Holy Spirit, for He can have nothing to do with sin. In this process of submissive acceptance of our sinful nature, and need for a Savior, we confess with our mouths and believe in our hearts that he and he alone is the only son of God who shed his blood to reconcile the world back unto Himself. While Jesus was alive he told us of the Holy Spirit to come and what it's purpose would be. The infighting over the Holy Spirit and it's gifts is not necessary, nor a hill to die over, hence I believe this is why it was probably discussed but not printed in detail in the Lausanne or Manila Conferences and subsequent documents.

I do however believe that all the gifts of the Holy Spirit are in action today - WITH POWER -. Whether a believer chooses to allow God's Spirit to use them in their spiritual walk and battle, is generally a matter of choice. There are written examples of believers seeking God in prayer that were not believers in the gifts of the Holy Spirit who were overcome by the Holy Spirit and suddenly had supernatural abilities for great miracles, great faith, great wisdom, healing, deliverance, supernatural discernment, a prophetic word, a tongue or interpretation. That's not the norm however. They normally come by asking and asking by faith. The act of believing in these free gifts and the subsequent manifestations of them happens in various ways. To take a hard position and 'box' how the Holy Spirit must manifest it's power and gifts in our lives is not worth the division it creates. It is poor judgement to deny all manifested gifts of the Holy Spirit only if "hands are laid on". To say this only happens when hands have been laid on and a person has spoken in tongues ie" being doctrinally filled with the spirit", discounts all the mighty works of God done through believers who have not had this experience. It is an insult to the Holy Spirit to put him in a box and quite honestly there are so many believers who have manifest all of the various gifts of the Spirit without hands being laid on them throughout the centuries that i'm amazed this position continues. Like Paul, I speak in an unknown tongue throughout every day of my life, for over 35 years. I remember praying the sinners prayer in 1972 alone in my room. It was the most powerful two minutes of my life. What I "felt" and experienced as the Holy Spirit entered my contrite and humble spirit, I have never experienced quite the same. I knew no Christians, no one to call. So as I poured through the Word day and night, I came upon John "the dunker" and realized even though I was baptized as an infant and confirmed, I believed I should be baptized again. I went fishing (fly fishing) and while in the lake I confessed my death and burial and new life in Christ and baptized myself. Certainly not orthodox, but God looks at the heart not the method. I then came to the book of Acts and said "gee I believe I'm supposed to have these gifts active in my walk", so I began to pray for them each day, asking God to prepare my heart and life for their use in life's ministry. Yes it was awkward beginning to pray in an unknown tongue alone in my room at first. Satan certainly spoke to my mind telling me that it was 'his' tongue. To utter the first prophecy or word of knowledge was also very scary. Well it doesn't take long to learn when the enemy tries to twist God's promises. All that was over 30 years ago, and I continue to rely on the Holy Spirit's gifts to help fight the enemy and strengthen my spirit man within. You can not deny your own experiences as fake when they produce good fruit and edify the church.

On the other hand to discount the "Gifts" as a"one time only" dispensation, and to discount the non laying or laying on of hands with speaking in tongues, prophesy and any other gift of the Holy Spirit that is manifest through believers, is to insult the Holy Spirit from the other end of the camp. I see pastors and believers who have crossed camps over the years due to their experiences with how the Holy Spirit was treated in a particular body or by a particular leader who's fruit did not match their words.

Yes I've also noted over the years that a personality that is normally subdued and sanguine tends to find a church and doctrine that helps them feel more like "themselves" (I won't name denominations). (This is especially true in musical worship styles). And there are those Type A, A.D.D. excitable, sometimes flaky, personalities that tend to gravitate towards excitable churches and ones that have more of the outward verbal gifts of the Holy Spirit in action (you know those churches). THEY BOTH ARE OK. They both have hearts for the great commission and both camps are just as apt at doing a Peter and denying Christ on any given day by walking in the flesh over any little thing. We are all human before we are Christians. Don't think so highly of your lifestyle choices and positions, there by the grace of God go I each day. Line it up with the "red letters"

Test every spirit. Does the spirit confess Jesus as Lord? Does it speak the word in love? Does it manifest a life of good fruit? Well Hallelujah, let's get back to being His hands and feet and stop fighting about boxers or briefs.

Are there counterfeits, charlatans and religious secularists who eschew and support false doctrine (whether in ignorance or not)? Of course, but let's not minimize the Holy Spirits power and authority over men's failings. You should be able to rightly divide the Word, ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, then your mentors and elders about any person or ministry that you have a question about, and come to some wisdom about a persons motives, intent and character. Don't just take a ministers word for it. Including me:)

I say "Come Lord Jesus Come and Holy Spirit Fall. Begin the revival and purification in my heart so that I can be filled with the Holy Spirit and be able and ready to use His "gifts" to be used to His maximum purpose. Amen

So as you worship and pray and commune with God through the Holy Spirit today and by Christ's blood, I pray that His overwhelming mercy will melt your heart no matter your circumstances, and you will be left saying "I love you, thank you, for I'm not worthy".

Lost and Found

2008-07-28T00:47:00.001-05:00

I once left a really nice 5x Resistol Black western hat in a cab in downtown Tokyo. As he pulled away, I saw it on the back window of the cab. (Almost the same hat as the white one shown here hanging on the top of my China Cabinet.) If you know me, you know I have hat's everywhere.

Well this morning at church I had a new worship song land in my brain at the end of the worship set, and during the sermon on James 4, I took notes and wrote a new tune and number chart for it.
I got home excited to lay it down on computer in the studio, only to find no lyric sheet in my bible. Well I double checked my clothes, and my bible, and the car. No luck - no paper. Well what do you do then. Praise God for the opportunity to find the lost song/sheep. I got back in the car and drove back to church, hoping to find the paper in the parking lot where I parked, or in the sanctuary stuck in a pew.
Not in the lot or in my pew. The church was dark. I stood in the sanctuary in frustration and then saw a 55 gal dumpster in the corner from the janitor.
What are the odd's, and how much gum and coffee will I have to pour through , I thought to myself? I walked up to it in the dark and there on the very top of a full dumpster was my little 3x6 note sheet. Excited I drove home, skipped the Twins/Cleveland game and did a quick demo of this new song from Sunday. I should have called it "I once was lost but now I'm found", but "Reign Forever" was already written down. Hope you enjoy the rough draft, I'm off at sunrise to play a round with old friend Dan Johnson from E.C.C. Grip-em and Rip-em. Gloooooory.

Set Me Free

2008-07-27T00:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, To be fair, I'm putting a photo of someone else's child up today. Let me introduce you to Slammin Sammy. The blue eyed mini Rick Barron in the flesh. What a precious boy. I cried the first time I saw his picture. Funny how you can be that happy for someone else's lack of sleep.... (just kidding).
Well today I've uploaded a quick demo from the house here of a song written last year called "Set Me Free". No not a "Sting" cover. Although I'm a year in production on "Praise Stills The Enemy" I'm got just about enough tunes to do a record of worship filled C.C. songs. I feel the choruses are very worship filled, but I've changed the verse style up enough that I feel a lot of the songs would be better done as specials or offering songs. Yes that's the title of the project I'm whirling around. "Songs of Offering" or something like that. The Irish song from a few weeks ago would be on it also. Hey who know's these might just be fine worship songs, since the verses to "Awesome God" are rarely ever sung in worship....